Insurrextion - Earls Court Exhibition Centre, London England, May 5th, 2001

The second annual Insurrextion opens with a backstage skit. Commissioner Regal is on the phone with Kurt Angle explaining that both of their matches have been changed. This is them creating a storyline for why the card they announced months ago no longer makes any sense and so has been scrapped. Vince McMahon walks in and demands to know what Regal was thinking of making all of these changes - it seems that it was Linda, Vince’s estranged wife, who made all the changes. It’s actually pretty clever of them to turn the card changes into a storyline. Vince says that he refuses to make any more changes or listen to his wife just as Linda walks in mid-angry rant. She sucks up to the fans in the UK saying that they deserve the best card. They do casually mention every match on the card but we’ll get to them in due course but the one match that hasn’t been changed - the main event is still a handicap match because the Undertaker requested it. He wants both Stone Cold and Triple H in the ring. Vince ends the segment by making some timely jokes about foot and mouth disease which have aged like milk.

No video package this time either and we go right into the arena. We don’t even have the “A team” on commentary - it’s Michael Cole and Paul Heyman. I’m happy with that. Heyman is my favourite commentator. 

Eddie Guerrero vs. Grandmaster Sexay

This match doesn’t have any story going into it and is just a fun opener. 

I don’t have much to say about it as they work quickly and smoothly with Eddie taunting and working up the crowd.

Eddie has slid down the card a fair bit since the end of last year but there is a reason for that - he was struggling with the old “personal demons”, as was Grandmaster Sexay. That’s wrestling-speak for “substance abuse issues”. Neither of these men will be on TV or even with the company for much longer but we’ll get to that when it comes. 

Grandmaster Sexay loses his footing on a powerbomb and falls backwards but it looks safe enough. Eddie tries a frog splash but Sexay avoids it. Eddie counters a corner charge with a roll up and gets his feet onto the ropes for leverage for a cheap victory. Eddie Guerrero wins, which is the right outcome. 

In the Triple H and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley office, they discuss tonight’s main event. They say nothing of note and this exists to let Triple H call England “a crap hole”

The Radicals (Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko w/Terri) vs. The Holly Cousins (Hardcore, Crash w/Molly Holly)

This is announced as a six person tag but Terri isn’t even slightly dressed to compete - she’s in heels and a short skirt.

She actually does address it and gets on the mic and says that this will just be a normal tag team match because no one in England had any ring boots for her. Molly just attacks Terri and flattens her with a northern lights suplex and a big swing to clear Terri out of the ring. If I had to guess, her lame excuse about having no ring gear is just because Terri famously refused to even attempt to become a wrestler despite being asked multiple times throughout her career. 

They did tease yet another Holly cousin breakup on Raw but that seems to have been abandoned. Hardcore was playing a babyface again on Smackdown too.

For anyone who’s read my previous UK show reviews, this is the match where the endless, relentless air horns make their first appearance. I despise them.

The Radicals isolate Hardcore but as he mounts his comeback it's weird and botched between him and Perry Saturn. He makes a hot tag to his cousin Crash who gets a near fall off a diving crossbody and then a bulldog headlock.

Terri gets in the ring and breaks up the pin which brings Molly in to fight her. With everyone distracted and fighting to get the women out of the ring, Perry Saturn plants Crash with a fisherman bridging suplex for the three count and the victory.

Every one of these shows has a pre-taped segment where a Superstar does a tour of the UK and meets the people. This time round it’s William Regal. Feels a bit cheap to have him do all the press and sightseeing considering he probably knows London really well anyway. It’s an odd segment as he’s very soft spoken and uses his real voice for this. It’s basically a genuine segment where Darren, the man behind the William Regal character, gets to enjoy being back in his home country. He isn’t even wearing a suit! The UK fans all love him! It’s a hard cut from that back to Commissioner Regal in his office back in full character and heeling out on the crowd a little. He’s polishing “the Queen’s Cup” which is on the line in his match with Chris Jericho later - it’s just a big silver trophy.

The next match was supposed to be Big Show vs. Test but thanks to Big Show’s attack before Backlash and Triple H’s assault on Raw, Test has injured ribs and can’t compete. Big Show still comes to the ring and calls Test a coward and says he’s faking his injury to avoid fighting him. He demands Test come out and raise his arm in forfeit. Test’s music does play and he comes out in his street clothes and holding his ribs. It seems like Test has more guts than brains and is going to fight Big Show hurt. 

Big Show vs. Test

He gets in the ring with taped ribs but the referee doesn’t ring the bell to officially start the match. Big Show works over his injured ribs with kicks and stomps and hits multiple moves. It feels like a real match but more referees come out and wave it off, tending to Test. Big Show wins via forfeit or referee stoppage but honestly I don’t think the match ever actually started.

Show gets back on the mic and says that no one can stop him or beat him one on one and asks for his music to be hit and he leaves but before he gets out of the arena, the APA’s music hits and his effective open challenge is accepted by Bradshaw who fights the big man back towards the ring and the bell rings when they get there.

Big Show vs. Bradshaw

Big Show stops Bradshaw’s offence with a headbutt and starts to slowly work over the big Texan as the medical staff tend to Test who’s still laying at ringside selling his ribs. 

Bradshaw avoids an elbow drop and gets Big Show down with a diving shoulder tackle off the top rope but its not enough.

Show knocks down Bradshaw on the outside and pushes the referee over before going to get Test and continue the beating. He wants to hit Test with a chair but Test gives him a big boot driving the chair back into his face and Bradshaw follows up with a Clothesline from Hell to win the match in a big upset! 

Bradshaw quickly leaves with Test and Big Show immediately shrugs off the chair, the big boot and the clothesline and is already back on his feet.

Jonathan Coachman interviews the WWF Champion (and one half of the Tag Team Champions) Stone Cold Steve Austin. He has a bunch of cuts and marks around his eye from being thrown through a window by Undertaker on Smackdown. Stone Cold calls Undertaker a stupid son of a bitch for demanding this match and basically promises that he and Triple H are going to take him out just like they did to Kane. He even feels sorry for him that his 10 year career is going to end in a piece of crap country like England. 

Fatal Four Way Elimination match

Edge and Christian vs. The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley) vs. The Hardy Boyz (WWF European Champion Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy) vs. X Factor (X-Pac and Justin Credible, w/Albert)

The Dudleyz and Hardyz both make their entrances but weirdly Edge and Christian and X-Factor are both already at ringside so we can get right to the action. 

The rules are two men in the ring, you can tag anyone, and when you’re pinned or submitted your team is eliminated. That logic means your best strategy is to stay on the apron and try to avoid being tagged in. You can’t be eliminated if you’re not legal and can stay fresh.

Bubba Ray and Justin Credible start but when Justin is dominated he quickly tags out to Matt Hardy, so Christian tags himself in. He wants to beat Matt and earn another shot at the European title which makes sense.

The men all tag in and out and it breaks down to Edge and Christian and X-Factor working in tandem to wear down Matt Hardy. It’s hard to keep track as they all move so quickly. Jeff Hardy gets the hot tag - he’s only 23 years old here which is insane - and flies around the ring taking out both X-Pac and Justin Credible. All four teams spill into the ring and in the chaos, Matt gives X-Pac a Twist of Fate. Albert tries to splash him but Matt moves so he gets X-Pac, and Jeff follows with a Swanton Bomb. X-Factor is eliminated. The Hardyz get no time to celebrate as Christian drops Jeff with an Unprettier and The Hardy Boyz are eliminated. That leaves us with The Dudleyz vs. Edge and Christian - a match we’ve seen many, many times. 

It settles down into a classic tag team match with the former seven time champions isolating and double teaming D-Von in their corner. 

D-Von counters a superplex attempt and follows with a diving clothesline off the top rope to Edge so that he’s able to tag out to Bubba Ray…but the referee didn’t see it! He fights to get Bubba out of the ring as Edge drags D-Von to his corner and continues the two on one assault. 

D-Von’s able to counter and give Christian a reverse DDT which allows him to tag out to Bubba and this time the referee does see it.

He motors through both Edge and Christian with a Bubba Bomb and sets up a Wazzup on Edge with D-Von diving his head into Edge’s crotch. The fans are electric for The Dudley Boyz and they call for tables! It ends up being a distraction as Hardcore Champion Rhyno runs down and gives Bubba a Gore behind the referees back and Edge and Christian pick up the win. 

Post-match, Rhyno sets up the table but Spike Dudley runs down to make the save. He’s sent packing but it’s enough to allow D-Von and Bubba to recover and give Rhyno a 3D through the table to pop the crowd. There’s really been little to no mention of the 24/7 rule in quite a while but someone could easily have come out and pinned Rhyno here and won his Hardcore title. Maybe everyone decided being champion was too much hassle? That's actually pretty believable. 

After a recap of some charity event last night (Bradshaw, William Regal and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsely were the big names in attendance, Stephanie slapped Michael Cole who was MCing) we see some of the celebrities in attendance - Eamon Holmes of GMTV, Chris Tarrent who was at the peak of his fame as host of “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” at the time, and Gianfranco Zola who football fans will recognise but I have no idea who he is. The fans in London boo him anyway and they all have their kids with them.

Jonathan Coachman interviews Kurt Angle who will face Chris Benoit in a 2 out of 3 falls match. He promises to beat Benoit twice by breaking his spirit and then his ankle.

In the arena, Steven Richards and Ivory of the Right to Censor come down to the ring carrying a stack of The Sun newspaper. An absolutely worthless rag of a newspaper that isn’t worth wiping your bottom with. Don’t buy The Sun. Scum. Anyway, Steven lectures the great British public about “Page 3 girls” which gets a big cheer. They actually abolished Page 3 quite a while ago now but they used to put pictures of a topless girl on page 3. It was actually even more problematic than it sounds as they used to do deeply creepy things like countdowns until girls turned 16 years old (legal age in the UK). The fans did cheer for Page 3 because I assume that most of the crowd is men. Richards announces that the next match was scheduled to be a “ladies battle royal” but now it’s cancelled. He then asks the women to come to the ring anyway and “change their ways”. 

Former WWF Women’s Champion Jacqueline is the first person to come out, followed by Trish Stratus and then Lita. Ivory calls them “common slappers” and trash so all three attack Ivory and strip her to her underwear. Ivory runs off and then after Trish teases Richards (and he’s interested, proving that he’s a hypocrite) she gives him a low blow. The three women pull down his pants and Lita gives him a moonsault. A nice little moment for Trish, Lita and Jackie. 

Two Out of Three Falls match

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

There is a video package for this match - it’s the same one that opened the previous episode of Smackdown and only recaps the events of Raw where Chris stole Kurt’s medals.

Before the match, Kurt demands to know where his medals are and Benoit says they are in a “safe and warm place”. They lock up and have the same slow feeling out process that they started with at Backlash. 

Benoit scrambles to get Kurt into a submission hold and the Olympian quickly rolls out of the ring to avoid it. They repeat that a few times and Heyman tells us the story - Kurt is clearly distracted and off his game because he’s thinking about the stolen gold medals! 

Kurt is able to get control by going a little more “WWF style” with punches and gives Benoit a pair of overhead belly to belly suplex but Benoit counters a third into one of his own and follows up with a trilogy of vertical suplexes. That would eventually become known as the Three Amigos in tribute to Eddie Guerrero but at this point it was Benoit’s tribute to the Dynamite kid. He keeps the suplexes going with three German suplexes and then a Diving headbutt off the top rope for the pinfall victory. Benoit goes up 1-0 via pinfall at 7:43. Kurt doesn’t stay down for long and sends Benoit to the outside and brawl a little with punches and sends Benoit into the ring steps and capitalises with a superplex in the ring for a close nearfall. 

Angle keeps control and grinds down Benoit with a sleeper and more slams, with Chris getting the odd hope spot with a roll up. 

Benoit does finally come back with a DDT and another three German suplexes but his second attempt at a diving headbutt misses and Angle quickly gets the ankle lock, which Benoit in turn rolls through and turns into the Crippler Crossface. Kurt escapes that and rushes Benoit but is rolled up for a three count. Benoit wins 2-0 at 14:23! That is a shock, I can’t think of another time I’ve seen someone win a 2 out of 3 falls match in a clean sweep 2-0 like that! 

After the match, Benoit reveals the “safe and warm place” that he’s been keeping Kurt’s Olympic medals and pulls them out of his trunks to put around his neck.

In the Triple H and Stone Cold locker room as they talk strategy, Austin makes Debra get them all beverages. She stands up for herself and says that if Undertaker didn’t want the handicap match cancelled they might want to consider that he isn’t worried about them tonight. 

Queen’s Cup

Chris Jericho vs. William Regal

This one has a video package too, but it’s the same one from Backlash. They didn’t even update it and it still ends on “this Sunday at Backlash….”. Cole and Heyman do at least fill us in on what happened at Backlash with clips. 

The Queen’s Cup is at ringside. Neither Regal or Jericho pay it any attention despite both walking right past it on the way to the ring. I thought the crowd might be split in Regal’s home country but they’re still strongly pro-Jericho. 

Regal wants to work slow and methodical but Jericho is a fast high flyer and opens with a forearm, a missile dropkick and a flurry of chops on the outside of the ring followed by a crossbody off the top rope back into the ring for a near fall.

Regal finally slows things down by blocking a Walls of Jericho attempt and sending Y2J into the ringpost shoulder first. That’s where he focuses his attack to soften Jericho up for the Regal Stretch. 

Jericho’s hope spot is a top rope hurricanrana which gets a near fall but Jericho comes back with a suplex dropping Jericho right on the back of his head and then focusing his attack back onto the shoulder with a modified sleeper.

There’s a couple of spots but a solid 5 minutes of this 14 minute match are spent with Regal wearing down Jericho with a series of long sleeper holds.

Jericho finally mounts a comeback with an enziguri, running bulldog and Lionsault but Regal gets his knees up to block it and spikes Jericho with a back suplex into a sort of powerbomb slam for a close nearfall.

That was Regal’s last chance and Jericho manages to roll through and lock in the Walls of Jericho for a submission victory. 

Chris Jericho wins the prestigious (never mentioned before or again) Queen’s cup. Y2J celebrates with it but by the rules of wrestling, all trophies must be destroyed and so Regal attacks Jericho from behind and hits him with it, destroying it. 

Handicap match for the WWF Championship

Stone Cold Steve Austin © and WWF Intercontinental Champion Triple H (WWF Tag Team Champions) (w/Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. The Undertaker

If Undertaker pins Stone Cold, he wins the WWF Championship

Austin gets a mixed reaction - the fans still don’t really WANT to boo him but there’s no denying how hard he’s worked and what a good job he’s doing as a heel.

To my surprise, Undertaker does actually come out on a motorbike! I didn’t think he’d make the effort on a UK only PPV like this. He is unintimidated by the two on one odds. This is the coolest Undertaker has been since his return as the American Badass almost one year to the day before this event. He does smartly get a steel chair at least to chase Austin and Triple H out of the ring and make this match at least start as a structured handicap match.

Triple H rushes Taker first and the Two-Man power trip stomp him down in the corner but the Deadman fights them both off and does a good job keeping the match one on one, knocking Austin down in the ring and fighting Triple H up the entrance ramp. 

Austin runs after them to join in and it’s his turn to fight with Undertaker. He tries a piledriver on the metal ramp but Taker backdrops out of it and heads back down to the ring with Triple H. It’s a chaotic brawl! 

Undertaker bounces both men around but after Austin returns to the fight and gets control for himself and Triple H it does finally settle down to them tagging in and out.

Undertaker tries a chokeslam on Austin but The Game is there to stop it and when Stephanie distracts the referee Austin hits him with a chair shot to the head. That feels like it might be the end but Undertaker kicks out! 

They continue to double team and work over Undertaker two on one for a while but finally as they fight on the outside, Triple H jumps at Undertaker off the apron and he, in one fluid motion, catches The Game and chokeslams him through the announce table! That makes it one on one at last and Undertaker battles through a low blow and plants Austin with a chokeslam. If he pins Stone Cold, he wins the WWF title! 

Undertaker sells and in a hilarious botch, we can hear Triple H shouting “cover him!” from off camera. The Deadman does and Triple H breaks it up. Triple H goes for a Pedigree but Undertaker counters it and slingshots him into his own partner, sending Austin to the outside! With all three men down, Mr. McMahon swaggers down to ringside to get a closer look. He grabs a steel chair but misses Undertaker and hits Triple H bi mistake! He gets a chokeslam for his troubles, followed by one to The Game and Undertaker covers to win this match (but not the WWF title). 

Undertaker follows up by chokeslamming Austin and then walks around the ring hitting each of their downed bodies one by one with a steel chair! Undertaker gets a big measure of revenge for all this group has done to him and Kane, and he still has his WWF title match at Judgment Day to look forward to. Undertaker rides off into the sunset on his motorbike and sends the London crowd home happy (and in the background you can see the fans showering McMahon, Triple H and Austin with trash and water bottles in the ring).