Monday Night Raw - March 1st, 1993

• Raw opens with the WWF Champion Bret “Hitman” Hart’s entrance. His opponent is already in the ring and he’s defending the WWF Championship against one half of the Headshrinkers Fatu (Afa, who is the uncle of Roman Reigns as well as both Headshrinkers). Rob Bartlett immediately starts the show by asking “who’s this weird dude?” Jesus Rob. He is, for some reason, dressed as Elvis Presley and does an Elvis impression for the entire length of this show. Why? Bizarre and very, very distracting. Bret hurts his knee and Samu sneaks down to ringside to get some cheap shots in so the WWF Champion spends the bulk of this match on his back. Despite the best efforts of Afa and Samu, Bret locks in the Sharpshooter for the submission victory to retain the WWF title. Bartlett did his best to ruin this with his Elvis impression. Macho Man felt the need to spell R-E-S-P-E-C-T for Bret Hart about seven times at the finish as well. 

• In a pre-recorded video, Crush comes to us “live” from a beach in Hawaii about his Wrestlemania opponent Doink and shows us what he can do, crushing coconuts with his bare hands. That leads into Doink in-action against Koko B.Ware. On his walk to the ring, Doink has a present which he offers to fans in the front row but they all reject assuming it's a prank. Probably wise. He goes right after Doink’s leg and stretches him out, getting a quick submission victory with the Stump Puller. Post-match, “Elvis” gets up to interview Doink. Doink’s present contains creampies, one of which he slams into Rob’s face. I thought he might drop the Elvis gimmick but he stayed in character and enjoyed the cream. A 45 minute long “Elvis was fat” joke isn’t what this show needed. 

• Vince McMahon interviews the WWF Tag Team Champions in the ring. Ted Dibiase kicks off addressing a real life news story about the CEO of American Express being given a one-off payment of $1.2 million, plus $730,000 per year for life. That’s a slap in a far and pocket change to the Million Dollar Man and Irwin R. Schyster! Great gimmick. He tells Hulk Hogan that all he did by taking Jimmy Hart is to cut their losses. After running down Hogan and Brutus, Vince asks if they’ll put their money where their mouth is and defend the titles against them - it was already confirmed earlier tonight in the Wrestlemania Report that they will and it's happening at Wrestlemania. Ted formally accepts the challenge here. 

• The Narcissist Lex Lugar who now officially has a Wrestlemania match with Mr. Perfect to get ready for faces PJ Walker, who is a very young Justin Credible, but still with hair. Bobby Heenan calls in during this to talk about how great Lex is but gets sidetracked in all this Elvis nonsense with Barlett. I’ve never been so confused and angry watching a wrestling show in my life. Lugar knocks out PJ with a big forearm and pins him with his pinky on the chest and then after the match, drags him out of the ring and compares their bodies in front of his mirror. He is the “envy of all mankind”, so he says. 

• Vince McMahon misspoke and referred to the Steiner Brothers as “Rob and Scott”. Come on man. Their opponents are Barry Hardy and Duane Gill (the future Gillberg!). This is a match to let Scott and Rick show off and Scott wins it with the Frankensteiner. During this we did also learn of another Wrestlemania match - The Steiners vs. The Headshrinkers.
• Raw ends with a final bit of Elvis stuff from Barlett. He’ll tune in next week. If I live to be 1000 years old I will never know what they were thinking having Rob commentate on this ENTIRE episode in character as Elvis. 

Monday Night Raw - March 8th, 1993

• Raw opens with the Mega-Maniacs accepting Money Inc’s challenge for Wrestlemania. A challenge they originally issued. A match which has already been confirmed as happening. What are we doing here Hulkster? Jimmy says he knows all their secrets and weaknesses, and Brutus says he’s already started figuring out how to modify their Harley Davidsons so that the Tag Team title belts fit nicely on the front. Hogan says they’ve been training to the song “getting you know you, getting to know all about you” (weird) and they’re going to deplete all of their assets. 

• Raw opens with the WWF Tag Team Champions in action - El Matador Tito Santana and Virgil provide the opposition. Thankfully Rob Bartlett is no longer pretending to be Elvis on commentary. He’s still dreadful though. Tito and Virgil actually dominate much of this match as the crowd rains whiney “Irwin” chants down on the Tag Champs which gets in IRS’s head. Money Inc win this non-title match with a back suplex on Virgin from Irwin, who doesn’t really have a finisher as far as I’m aware.
• After a recap of Tatanka’s two non-title pinfall victories over Intercontinental Champion Shawn Michaels, the Native American is in action against jobber Bill Apollo. Michaels calls in during this match and says that Tatanka got lucky twice but won’t get lucky again at Wrestlemania. Tatanka wins this exhibition match with his Samoan drop finish and then celebrates with something that looks a little bit more like a Nazi salute than I’m comfortable with. 

• The Model Rick Martel comes down to the ring and asks the Raw girl to leave the ring so that he can show her how it’s done. Great stuff. He’s facing Mr. Perfect later in the show, and actually does the same thing to a second Raw girl later on! While discussing who they think will win, Bartlett says to Vince “you told me Perfect is going to win” which catches him off guard and was just a straight up “wrestling is fake” joke isn’t it? The fact that Vince owned the company wasn’t common knowledge in 1993.

• Voodoo Priest Papa Shango takes on a guy who’s name I didn’t catch. Shango has a skull which spews steam from its eyes which is pretty cool. Shango is the future Kama Mustafa/The Godfather so he’s had a lot of identities in his WWF career! Shango wins with his shoulder breaker finisher, which I always thought was a rubbish finisher.

• These commercials are shown on Raw every single week - Bret Hart plugs ICOPRO (which I’ll talk about more at Wrestlemania), Macho Man sells Slim Jims (the most famous wrestler advertising campaign, even though they don’t sell Slim Jims in the UK) and wrestling action figures which is my favourite one. There was also a commercial for all the WWF’s various video games at the time! 

• The 43 year old former WWF Champion Bob Backlund continues his comeback trail. He lasted over 61 minutes in the Royal Rumble match and his opponent refused to shake his hand. Backlund is old school and straight laced, which doesn’t really stand out in the colourful neon 90s WWF. Backlund throws around the jobber and pins him with a unique rollup, showing off his legit amateur background.
• Rob Barlett was dispatched backstage so that he could interview Rick Martel and asks what his deal is, disrespecting the Raw girls. Martel is the best, and he has class. The Raw girls have no class or skills, just like all these filthy people. That leads into the main event which is The Model vs. Mr. Perfect, who has a Wrestlemania match with Lex Lugar to get ready for. Both these guys are very good wrestlers. They start out with grappling, which Perfect gets the better of but Martel takes control with a thumb to the eye and some suplexes. The show goes to a commercial break and during the break, Mr. Perfect won with the Perfect-Plex. That’s very odd. I think this is part of them trying to make audiences feel like Raw was live. Perfect leaves, but then comes back with the two Raw girls who The Model insulted earlier tonight and parades them around the ring as Macho and Bartlett argue over who gets the girls. I can’t imagine they’d be interested in either of you lads.

Monday Night Raw - March 15th, 1993

• This is the first episode of Raw to not take place in the Manhattan Centre and is in upstate New York instead. They make a bit of a fuss about the snow in the area and people’s travel difficulties so I wonder if this was a change because of that. The commentary is being handled tonight by Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (good) and Rob Barlett (bad) who is weirdly doing an impression of Vince. Bobby Heenan’s face says it all. 

• Razor Ramon is in action against Russ Greenberg (no idea) and before the match gives his gold jewelry to a stagehand and warns him not to lose any of it. During this match we get the big news that Razor Ramon vs. Bob Backlund has been added to Wrestlemania. They aren’t feuding, it’s just a big name vs. big name exhibition match of sorts. Gorilla immediately sounds sick of Bartlett’s McMahon impression. Razor wins this with the Razor’s Edge powerbomb, spiking Russ right on his head! 

• Typhoon of the Natural Disasters faces A.L.Gore. That’s not a particularly subtle jibe at Democrat politician Al Gore. Vince has taken shots at Bill Clinton a few times in the past month too, which I don’t mention because Vince forcing his Republican beliefs into the shows shouldn’t be news to anyone. 
• Bobby Heenan conducts an in-ring interview with Harvey Whippleman and Giant Gonzales. Heenan hilariously argues with the staff at ringside about whether he’s live or not. Whippleman says that he’s had no chance to show everyone how dominant Gonzales is because everyone is afraid to get in the ring with him! The Undertaker isn’t afraid, and he’s going to put Gonzales in the biggest coffin the world has ever seen. Harvey does all the talking as Gonzales just poses and tries to look menacing in the background. His spraypainted muscle suit looks stupid anyway, but with the furry shoulders and cuffs to make him look like a cave man, its one of the worst looking outfits in wrestling history (in my oh so humble opinion). Heenan encourages Whippleman to fight Paul Bearer while the Giant takes out Undertaker. Gonzales’ promo contribution is that he has a GIANT surprise for The Undertaker at Wrestlemania. 

• There’s an advert for Wrestlemania which is focused entirely on Hulk Hogan’s return to the ring. He’s back, for the first time since Wrestlemania 8. It does at least mention Bret Hart’s WWF title defence too - the event’s “Double Main Event”. There’s also a new WWF Mania commercial which I’m including because I love me some Todd Pettingil. 

• Bob Backlund faces Papa Shango. The “All-American boy” offers Shango a handshake, which the Voodoo Priest rejects. By this point in the show, Gorilla and Heenan are just openly bullying Barlett who’s gone quiet with his Vince impression because it’s finally sunk in that none of these jokes are landing. Shango dominates this match but superior wrestler Backlund rolls him into a small package for the victory out of nowhere.
• During this week’s Wrestlemania report there’s footage of Yokozuna slapping around some jobber on WWF Superstars to send a message to Bret Hart, and a promo from Money Inc who respond to Brutus Beefcake wearing a protective mask for their match at Wrestlemania by saying they’ve got a new, re-enforced briefcase that will smash that too. Meanwhile, Undertaker and Paul Bearer respond to Gonzales' comments from earlier - as each day passes, his nightmare will become a reality. Rest in Peace. 

• The Nasty Boys - Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags - take on the Headshrinkers. Samu and Fatu have a match at Wrestlemania with The Steiner Brothers, and the story is that The Nasty Boys nobly stepped aside as number one contenders to let Hogan and Brutus have their Tag Team Championship match at Wrestlemania. That’s NOT very Nasty. The Headshrinkers don’t have Afa with them this week which Monsoon and Heenan do discuss. This match is thrown out as both teams brawl out of the ring and up the entrance ramp to the concession stand, hitting each other with popcorn and spraying each other with mustard and condiments. No contest.

• Raw ends with a sappy montage of all of the WWF’s charity work, congratulating themselves for all the money they raise and all the nice things they do. It is lovely and they have always championed a lot of this kind of thing but they’ve also never been shy about promoting it.
• Heenan and Gorilla close the show by promising that Vince and Macho will be back next week but don’t tell us what we all really want to hear - Bartlett will be back too. Another show totally derailed and every match massively distracted from by him spending the full show in character. Bizarre. 

Monday Night Raw - March 22nd, 1993

• This week’s Raw is 10 minutes shorter than usual. I wonder what’s been cut out? We’re back in the Manhattan Centre with Vince, Randy and Rob on commentary. 
• The show opens with The Bushwackers (comedy goodballs from New Zealand, I’m not a fan) taking on Damien Demento and The Repo Man. The Bushwackers take a very, very long time to come down to the ring leaving their theme song playing until finally revealing that they’re up in the balcony, making their way down to the ring through the crowd hugging and licking (yes, licking) the fans as they go. It’s a messy match and Butch and Luke win with their battering ram assisted headbutt to the tummy of Repo Man.

• Native American Tatanka, still undefeated and with an Intercontinental Championship match at Wrestlemania takes on “Reno Riggins”. Guess who’s winning this? Reno is wearing leopard print tights and no knee pads - sexy. Vince is now just being openly hostile to Bartlett; he points out that Reno has some visible tan lines and Vince barks “like that matters in the match!”. Tatanka wins with his Samoan drop which this week Vince calls “the Papoose to go” which I guess is its name.
• This is a pretty significant Raw as it happens as here we learn that the WWF has formed the Hall of Fame and will make the recently departed Andre the Giant the first ever inductee. The Hall of Fame now forms a huge part of Wrestlemania weekend every year but it was infrequently brought up during the 90s. There’s a nice tribute to Andre on the show with clips of his career played over some soothing piano music. 

• The WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc face a pair of nobodies in a non-title match. Scott and Jeff I think their names were but even Vince isn’t sure. Bartlett distracts from this match by channel hopping at ringside until Vince snatches the remote control from him. Obviously that was a planned spot and I assume to give Rob some non-wrestling material to try and be funny with but he didn’t get much and instead made another inside joke about wrestling being fake and made himself laugh. IRS wins this with a jumping clothesline which I actually think is supposed to be his finishing move after I said he didn’t have one last week.
• This must be the most “it’s 1993” main event in wrestling history. Ugandan giant Kamala vs. Doink the Clown. I’ll say it now; I love Doink, but only as a heel. Vince and Macho discuss how Doink is evil because he loves to make kids cry, and a bored sounding Bartlett says Doink should wrestle the Burger King. Doink gives Kamala a present on the outside of the ring and he’s so busy opening it he gets counted out! Doink wins and the present? It was empty! Doink escapes under the ring and crawls out the otherside, clobbering Kamala with a chair to keep him at bay. Kamala sneaks around the other side of the ring, disarms the clown and chases him backstage waving the chair above his head. This was silly but I enjoyed it.

• Raw ends with a terrible comedy segment. Vince congratulates Rob Bartlett on winning the 1993 Spam Eating Contest and he has his “fan club” with him. He makes a joke about their names being words like Diarrhea and Vince no-sells it and tells him that’s not very nice. He kisses the chubbiest of the three and then they plug the March to Wrestlemania TV special, which I’ll be covering in lieu of next week’s Raw.  

The March to Wrestlemania IX - March 28th, 1993

• The March 29th episode of Raw was one hour of highlights from the previous evening’s March to Wrestlemania two-hour special so I’ve decided to cover the entire 2 hour special instead! You can actually watch this entire show for free on the WWE Vault YouTube channel;

• The show wastes no time and the commentary team of Vince McMahon and Bobby Heenan throw right to a recap of the WWF Championship contract signing for Wrestlemania which took place the previous day on WWF Superstars. Yoko shoved the table into Bret’s tummy and then attacked him, flattening him with the Banzai drop! Heenan speculates that if Bret is now injured, the match might now be cancelled and so Yoko might regret it. Bret fights to his feet as the fans chant USA (directed at “Japanese” Yokozuna in support of Canadian Bret Hart). Bret is made of tough stuff and makes it back to his feet with no help to hold the WWF title belt above his head, defiantly. The Hitman is ready for Wrestlemania.
• The opening match is Yokozuna vs. Macho Man Randy Savage, and Vince and Bobby discuss whether taking a match like this against an opponent of Randy’s caliber so close to Wrestlemania is a mistake for the number one contender. I like that. Randy sticks and moves, avoiding locking up with the giant sumo for as long as possible but when he does he’s overpowered and Yoko smashes the former WWF Champion, crushing him with a giant leg drop. It’s a dominant performance for Yoko who defeats Randy pretty easily with a giant belly to belly suplex. He’s about to leave but decides to make an example of Savage and sets him up for the Banzai drop. Macho Man rolls out of the way at the last possible second and then knocks Yoko out of the ring with a running high knee to the back. Referees are quick on the scene to hold him back while Mr. Fuji encourages his Yokozuna to focus on Wrestlemania and the WWF Championship.

• After a replay of Lex Lugar’s debut at the Royal Rumble and a montage of his recent wins, Vince McMahon speculates that there’s something fishy about his big forearm smash - how can he knock out EVERYONE with that one blow? That leads into a match for Lugar’s Wrestlemania opponent Mr. Perfect vs. Skinner. Skinner uses his belt as a weapon as Vince McMahon screams that he should be disqualified. Skinner also cheats by sticking his alligator claw into Perfect’s eye but he battles through and with a Perfect-plex, Mr. Perfect wins.

• Kamala faces his former handler Kim Chee in a grudge match. Beforehand, Reverend Slick leads the crowd with a promo about how they will stand by and support the Ugandan giant as he learns what it is to be a man and not an animal which is how that evil Kim Chee treated him. Kamala struggles to figure out how to pin Kim Chee and when he finally does, he gets the three. Kim Chee was played by the Brooklyn Brawler Steve Lombardi, who acted like he was a non-wrestler while under this mask. Kamala continues to attack Kim Chee after the match as payback for all the times he abused him. 
• This show has the awesome Wrestlemania song which was the event’s theme song for many years. I LOVE this song and video, especially the parts that make no sense like opening by asking us if we’re ready for the Survivor Series, and Tatanka’s part basically being “I will be successful by being successful”. Special mention also for prominently featured Big Boss Man who left the company two weeks ago.

• The WWF Tag Team Champions Money Inc faced two chubby lads with mullets. One is the INFAMOUS Reno Riggins who of course we saw on Raw last week. This is obviously a non-title match which Dibiase wins, making Reno pass out to his Million Dollar Dream sleeper hold. 

• After a commercial break, Mean Gene Okerlund interviews their challengers for Wrestlemania, the Mega-Maniacs Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake. This is my first look at the protective mask Brutus is wearing since it was mentioned a couple of weeks ago. It’s cool, he looks like a superhero. But with a mullet, so a 90s superhero. Hogan cuts a classic promo, so whether that’s a good or a bad thing depends on how much you enjoy Hogan’s schtick. It’s a rambling story about jumping on his motorbike, but it was actually Brutus’ bike which makes it sounds like they live together. He crashed on the beach and heard the Hulkamaniac’s prayers. The jist is “thank the big man upstairs” that his nose was only broken,and they’re going to take Money Inc to bankruptcy court at Wrestlemania. Jimmy Hart throws in his two cents - don’t invest in Money Inc’s stock. They’ve all said something so that feels like the end but Hogan doesn’t have the last word and passes the mic back to Brutus and all three of them do a SECOND round on the mic talking about walking in deserts and ripping their hair out and more stuff about stock exchanges. Hogan’s final bit is about how he’s filled the swimming pool at Caesar’s Palace with salt water and put some sea urchins and hammerhead sharks in there - he’s going to use the Tag Team title belts to lock their mouths open so that they can feed Money Inc to the sharks, and then some stuff about making sure all his Hulkamaniacs have a tan? Mental. 

• After a replay of Tatanka’s two non-title pinfall victories over Shawn Michaels, the Intercontinental Champion has some words for his challenger promising to not only leave Wrestlemania with his title, but with Tatanka’s scalp. Back in the arena, Tatanka faces George South, who looks like a cowboy who’s lost his hat. His mighty mullet and moustache combination isn’t enough and Tatanka wins with the Papoose to go, which I’ve decided IS the name of his finishing move. As Tatanka celebrates, Shawn Michaels comes down to ringside for a closer look at his Wrestlemania opponent. Shawn tells him that he promises he won’t win the title, and leaves. Doesn’t really seem worth the effort, but Tatanka grabs the mic himself and says he doesn’t want to wait until Wrestlemania and they can fight right now. Shawn teases taking him up on it, but then leaves without a fight, cocky smile on his face.

• I’m not entirely sure how it helps promote Wrestlemania but in a six man tag team match, The Beverly Brothers team with Little Louie (a midget) take on The Bushwackers and Tiger Jackson (also a midget). Nice to be able to switch my brain off for 10 minutes I suppose. There’s a lot of stalling and playing to the crowd who, in fairness, do love this and with an assisted splash off the top rope, Tiger Jackson pins Big Louie to win this “match”. 

• In the main event of this show, The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) takes on Bam Bam Bigelow. This is a marquee match and honestly if they wanted a “monster” to feud with Undertaker, Bam Bam would have been a MUCH better choice over Giant Gonzales. Bam Bam throws big strikes at the Undertaker who no-sells everything and throws his own back which have far more effect. Undertaker wins with a chokeslam, and then Gonzales comes out to the top of the ramp to stare at his Wrestlemania opponent. Paul Bearer and Harvey Whippleman hold their charges at bay with the help of some referees.
• The show ends with Vince McMahon running down the card to camera while teasing Bobby Heenan about how he’ll be wearing a toga on the show just like everyone else!