St. Valentine’s Day Massacre: In Your House - Memphis Pyramid, Memphis Tennessee, February 14th, 1999

It's St. Valentine's Day! This PPV has one of my all time favourite opening video packages. I love it, and it's really clever (by WWF standards anyway). 

They’re calling this the “final chapter in Austin/McMahon” and hahahaha imagine. I admire your optimism lads. The fans chant “Jerry” for King too - they’re in his hometown.

This is the last PPV to be presented with the “In Your House” branding. It was originally designed for WWF’s B-PPVs to denote their status as being lower on the totem pole than the “big 5” (Royal Rumble, Wrestlemania, King of the Ring, Summerslam and Survivor Series) and they were usually an hour shorter too, basically special episodes of Raw. As time has gone on and the companies popularity has exploded, it's no longer the case and these B-PPVs are just as important, and just as watched, as the big 5 so they dropped “In Your House” and presented all these shows on even footing from here on. The end of an era for sure. 

Goldust vs. Bluedust

Blue Dust is The Blue Meanie who’s been dressing as Goldust for a couple of weeks now. Originally it was just a ploy to get Head back for his JOB Squad mate Al Snow but it turned into a running gimmick. Meanie was well known for parodying people in ECW too. His ring gear here is really cheap looking and obviously homemade which makes it funnier. This is The Blue Meanie’s one and only WWF PPV match.

Goldust hasn’t said much lately and turned heel seemingly for no reason. Out of “the blue” you might say. This is one of Dustin Runnels low points as a human being as he was struggling with the old “personal demons” (which is wrestler speak for substance abuse) and would be in WCW within the next couple of months. 

Blue Dust goes for a moonsault and Goldust moves but he’d have missed even if he didn’t. Goldust hits the Curtain Call and wins a short match. He asks the crowd if they want to see Shattered Dreams and they get pretty loud for it. Goldust sets him up and delivers the big punt to the crotch.

After this we get some footage from Sunday Night Heat where Commissioner Shawn Michaels returned. Stone Cold came out to the ring and Vince was trying to provoke him into hitting him and breaking his contract. He wanted the cage match cancelled. He went so far as to spit in the Texas Rattlesnake’s face. 

Vacant WWF Hardcore Championship

Al Snow vs. Bob Holly

Now this match is a last minute addition. This was supposed to be Roaddogg taking on Al Snow in the second of a best of three series. Roaddogg was apparently injured on the previous episode of Raw (which I was looking out for and didn’t see happen?) and so this match was signed instead. They’re officially still both members of the JOB Squad but I think this marks the end of that group. The Blue Meanie was a member too and seems to be doing his own thing now, as does Light heavyweight Champion Gillberg. Scorpio has left the company as he asked for a little time off for personal reasons and was instead just released from his contract. 

They fight into the crowd immediately in this one. Bob Holly has been around in the WWF for a long time and won the IC and Tag Team titles very briefly as Sparky Plugg and he’s trying to erase everyone’s memories of that cringe. 

He smashes something made of glass over Snow’s head who retaliates with a fire extinguisher. 

The two have an enjoyable brawl through the backstage arena and end up out in the parking lot. Holly uses a big stop sign to blast Snow for a near fall. Al fights back with some faux martial arts kicks and they fight up to some chain link fence. Snow actually breaks a security barrier as Holly slams him into it. He uses some barbed wire to choke Holly and they fight down onto the banks of the Mississippi river using a wheelbarrow and another stop sign to punish each other. 

This match is one of the more famous Hardcore championship matches as these two men fight - in February mind so I’m sure it's freezing cold outside - into the Mississippi river. They get soaking wet and splash around in it. The crowd pops huge for them hitting the water too. 

In the end, Bob snaps a plank of wood over Snow’s back (part of it flies into the cameraman too) and then wraps Al Snow up in some loose chain link fence, binding him tight which lets him get the three count on the banks of the river and become the new Hardcore Champion!

After the match, Bob jogs all the way back to the ring to celebrate with his new title belt in front of the live crowd. 

Backstage, a WWF.com cameraman caught up with The Ministry of Darkness. The Undertaker mentions his Higher Power during this, and tells Mideon to claim the Bossman’s soul. Whatever grand plans The Ministry have, it begins tonight.  

Mideon vs. The Big Bossman

This is Corporation vs. Ministry, but it's also heel vs. heel so no one has any idea who to cheer for. Honestly I think they expected everyone to cheer for Mideon because The Ministry is weird and occult and satanic and it was the 90s brah. 

Mideon has a jar of formaldehyde with an eyeball inside it. King comments on “the popularity of The Ministry” and I don’t really know what he means, because they aren’t.

These two big men trade the control back and forth with Mideon working on Bossman’s hand and fingers which is unique. 

It doesn’t take long for the fans to start chanting “boring” . It's not so much that these guys can’t wrestle, it’s more that Bossman is a heel and no one really cares.

Bossman wins a dull match with the Bossman slam but before he can celebrate, The Undertaker makes his entrance and The Ministry beats down and abducts The Big Bossman. This has previously led to the abductee joining the group but they have nine members so…how much of a Ministry does Undertaker need? Don’t be greedy.

WWF Tag Team Championships

Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett © (w/Debra) vs. D’Lo Brown and Mark Henry (w/Ivory)

Before this one, we got some pre-match comments from D’Lo Brown. Earlier tonight on Heat, Debra tried to turn this match into a 6 person tag to avoid defending the tag team titles but it didn’t work and she and Ivory had words. 

Ivory is the new recruit for D’Lo and Mark, mostly to help Mark keep focused on winning and the woman he already has rather than getting distracted by Debra. It’s a good strategy and Ivory is certainly gorgeous in her own way but it's a waste of a talented womens wrestler making her eye candy. Mark presents Ivory with some Valentine's Day chocolates before the match. 

Ivory has promised to rip every stitch of clothing off Debra if she interferes. I really like the team of Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart and they look good with the tag title belts but I wish they came out to Owen’s theme music - it’s a much better song.

No mention is made of Owen Hart’s former membership in The Nation with Mark and D’Lo. That’s probably for the best as Owen Hart joining what was ostensibly a black militant group never made tons of sense to begin with. 

The action when D’Lo is in the ring is very good as he works quickly and seamlessly with both Owen and Jeff. They’re all great workers. 

Jerry Lawler takes a little shot at Bret Hart’s “wrestling with shadows” documentary during this which is a joke I never got as a kid but now? I get it, but it's still not funny. I guess it's more the scandal when they openly take shots at WCW like that. 

After getting worked over for a while, D’Lo finally takes control with Sky High and struggles to make a tag to the big man, Mark Henry and he builds some momentum. Debra gets on the apron and Ivory goes over to stop her. The women don’t actually come to blows but D’Lo has to go round and keep them apart. That lets Owen Hart smash a guitar over Henry’s knee while he has Jeff up in a gorilla press slam which in turn lets Jeff lock in his Figure Four leglock for a submission victory. Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart retain the titles.

As the champions celebrate with Debra, Ivory manages to pull Debra’s jacket off and Owen and Jeff use their tag title belts to cover up Debra’s cleavage which is quite a good little spot. Mark is selling his knee pretty badly after the match. I know (because this was 20 odd years ago) that Mark sadly missed Wrestlemania due to some knee surgery so it’ll be interesting to see how much he is or isn’t on TV between now and then.

Kevin Kelly interview with Mankind. Earlier tonight on Heat while Mankind was doing some warmups with former WWF Champions Bob Backlund and The Iron Sheik (I’ve no idea) he was jumped by The Rock who slammed Mick’s knee with what looked like a real little metal trash can and a wooden pallet. He’s working on Mankind’s legs which is a smart move before a Last Man Standing match.

WWF Intercontinental Championship

Ken Shamrock © vs. Val Venis (w/Ryan Shamrock) 

This one got a video package, which makes it the highest profile Intercontinental title match since The Rock and Triple H at Summerslam.

It’s the same video package they showed on Raw which means it doesn’t include the last minute bit of story development; While Shamrock was “in the zone” and attacking everyone in sight, he brutalised multiple referees who then refused to officiate this match for their own safety. Bad Ass Billy Gunn who still wants to be Intercontinental Champion inserted himself as the special guest referee. He’s had run-ins with both these men, both Ken trying to get the Intercontinental title from him but also Val who keeps misunderstanding Billy’s intentions and attacking him. Like an idiot, honestly. It’s happened like three times and every time Val was being a moron. 

Ryan Shamrock comes out with Val in a very pretty white dress. Ryan Shamrock, Ken’s kayfabe sister, is played by his real life girlfriend. On the one hand, good for him - she’s very pretty. On the other hand, that’s a little gross. The relationship didn’t last (in real life) or on TV (she’s gone pretty soon). I don't know if those last two facts are connected.

Shamrock works over Val for a bit while Billy gets in his way, sarcastically asking if he’s ok and checking out Ryan on the outside. Val retakes control by reversing a suplex into a fisherman suplex.

Mr. Ass is very slow to count for both men, as he has issues with both and I don’t think he really cares who wins. 

The two go back and forth with Billy refusing to count properly for them both. Shamrock locks in the ankle lock and Val struggles to get to the ropes until Ryan reaches out and grabs his hand, pulling him to the ropes. Shamrock is furious and when he goes to confront his sister we get a famous botched moment as Ken very clearly tells Ryan to slap him under her breath which she then does. Billy goes out to get him back in the ring and Shamrock pushes him so he clocks him with a punch, throws him in the ring and counts lightning fast for Val’s roll up. Val Venis is the new Intercontinental Champion! 

Shamrock attacks Billy Gunn and they brawl up the ramp, but Billy takes a moment to run to the ring and attack Val Venis himself. A triple threat Intercontinental title match would seem to be on the horizon, but that’s not where this goes.

This is Val’s first title win, 11 months into his WWF career.

The Corporation (Chyna and Kane) vs. D-Generation X (Triple H and X-Pac)

There’s a full video package for this one too. They really haven’t made a big enough deal about Chyna betraying DX and specifically Triple H. His response has mostly been to make penis jokes, as he does during his pre-match promo here too.

After Kane and Chyna enter (separately, with Chyna to the Corporation’s official theme, No Chance in Hell) Triple H reveals he has a Chyna t-shirt on, which he tears, wipes on his butt and throws in her face.

The match gets going and Shane McMahon comes to ringside, joining the commentary team. He’s hilarious as an over the top obnoxious heel screaming and clapping and cheering on Chyna and Kane. He denies that Kane is only a member of the Corporation because of a threat of going back to the insane asylum (which he is) and is Chyna’s biggest fan.

Kane dominates and the only way DX gets any control is with double teams. 

They’re very careful that whenever Chyna gets tagged in the men don’t actually perform any moves on her. We’re not that progressive. 

Michael Cole says, multiple times, that this is the first time a woman has been in a match with men. That isn’t even close to true - for starters, she was in the Royal Rumble match last month which he also mentions, but there's other recent examples - Luna defeated Gillberg on Raw a few weeks ago. 

X-Pac takes a moment to dive over the announce table and throw some right hands in Shane’s face until Kane gets him back in the ring. Shane is furious when he recovers and becomes even MORE obnoxious wanting his team to hurt X-Pac badly. 

Chyna finally takes some punishment when X-Pac reverses a sleeper into a suplex. Triple H comes in and gets plenty of offence on her. He sets up a Pedigree which Kane stops and as they fight on the outside, Shane McMahon attacks X-Pac. He sees red and chases Shane backstage, literally sprinting.

With X-Pac gone, this one is academic as Kane chokeslams Triple H and puts Chyna on top of him for the easy three count. Chyna has pinned Triple H. 

Before the next match for the WWF title, Michael Cole describes this as “there must be a winner” and that this is the final chapter between these two men. Bear that all in mind as neither thing is true.

Last Man Standing match for the WWF Championship

Mankind © vs. The Rock

This one gets a video package going all the way back to Survivor Series and The Rock’s first title win.

This match starts as a furious brawl and spills to the outside quickly and involves chairs and ring steps. These two men are so good together by this point and have had more than a couple of great matches now. They do structured brawls with weapons better than anyone. Or maybe Mankind does. He’s incredible.

They brawl up the ramp and Mick DDT’s Rock through a table to the concrete which was cool.

Slamming each other into everything in sight and taking rough bumps on the concrete, it's physical and moves at a good pace.

The Rock does his new favourite spot of joining commentary mid-match and is as always funny (and for once isn’t super offensive for no reason with gay jokes or calling someone “retard”) “It looks like a big monkey came out here, took a CRAP, and out came Mankind” Mick jumps him and delivers a big diving elbow from the ring apron to The Rock laying across the announce table which looked really cool.

In the ring, Mankind rushes The Rock with the ring steps but they’re kicked back in his face.

The Rock has been aggressively working on Mankind’s leg all match, just like on Heat earlier tonight. 

He sort of repeats the gross chair shots to the head spot from the Royal Rumble but this time swinging hard for Mankind’s leg, trying to break it so that Mick can’t stand and answer the ten count.

He misses and the chair bounces off the ropes and back into his face which lets Mankind clothesline him sending them both tumbling to the floor.

Mankind tries to set up a piledriver on the announce table but Rock backdrops him and his legs snap violently off the timekeeper's table in a rough bump. As Mankind is curled up at ringside being counted, The Rock drops the ring steps from inside the ring down onto Foley’s hip. Mankind amazingly manages to answer the ten count and gets back to his feet so The Rock slams him in the ring and delivers The Corporate Elbow. 

The Rock takes a moment to taunt Mankind on the mic and starts to sing Heartbreak Hotel (they’re in Memphis) and replaces the lyrics with Smackdown Hotel. He leans in a little too close to Mick and gets caught with the Mandible Claw. The referee got knocked off the apron and is down so there’s no one to count as The Rock is out from the Claw. Mankind forces him to start counting and The Rock gets up at eight. 

The Rock hits a beautiful DDT but Mankind gets up. Mankind locks in the Mandible Claw and The Rock turns it into a Rock Bottom. Both men get up. They’re exhausted. 

As both men stumble to their feet, they each grab a chair and at the same time, blast each other in the head and neither is moving. The referee counts to ten and declares this match - officially - a draw.

The fans chant “bullshit”. It’s a fair comment to be honest. Michael Cole would have known this was the planned finish too and yet he still said “there must be a winner” before the match. 

This was another brilliant weapons filled brawl between these two men and I loved it. The finish would have ruined it for me at the time I’m sure but knowing it was coming I was able to just enjoy the match.

Mankind is stretchered out and actually asks the EMTs if he’s being carried. He wasn’t stretched out after Hell in a Cell or I Quit so this puts The Rock and the brutality of this match over quite a lot. 

Steel Cage match

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon

If Stone Cold loses, he no longer goes to Wrestlemania to challenge for the WWF Championship

The video package for this one is incredible, in my opinion. Got full goosebumps. 

“If the word “hate” was written on every grain of sand in the Sahara desert, that still wouldn’t equal the hatred that Vince McMahon has for Stone Cold Steve Austin” King summed it up better than I could.

Michael Cole recaps all the guarantees for both men as we the ring crew spend quite a long time building the cage. It’s the classic “blue bars” cage but has been painted black. I assume they’ve reverted to this one from the new chain link fence style one so that Vince - who is in his 50s at this time - is able to easily climb it. He's in great shape but he’s no athlete. 

The crowd is the loudest they’ve been all night for the Rattlesnake. You’d think I'd be bored of his theme music by now but it's still awesome, and he does his classic four corners pose at the top of the cage which is a great visual. 

McMahon enters second and refuses to get in the cage, trying to goad Austin into coming out. He taunts him and when Stone Cold eventually does come out to get him Vince runs a lap and gets in the cage and kicks at Austin, keeping him at bay. Stone Cold takes a walk and tries to climb the cage but Vince stops that too. The bell hasn’t run and this match hasn’t started. 

King says this is a strategy by McMahon, and it seems to work as when Stone Cold hops down from the cage, crumbles and says he’s hurt his knee. He drops to one knee and sells and Vince, smelling blood, goes to get him and Austin lashes out with a clothesline. He was playing opossum and sucked McMahon in. Austin throws Vince head first into the cage, into the announce table and - Stone Cold’s favourite spot which he does all the time - chokes him with a camera cable. Vince has this wide eyed selling which looks pretty hilarious as he swabs and flaps around while Austin rocks him with punches and throws him around the announce table and into the front row. Full credit to Vince, he takes punishment like a trooper here as he gets thrown into the ring steps knees first and takes a Foley-esque bump over them. 

Vince uses an eye rake and runs Austin into the cage to get some advantage. McMahon takes off through the crowd, telling Steve to chase him which he does. Stone Cold isn’t an idiot and remembers the Royal Rumble - he’s almost certainly being led into an ambush backstage by Team Corporate so quickly catches him and drags him back to the ring. It’s funny as they fight in the fans as the people are more interested in dancing for the TV cameras than watching the action that is inches away from them. 

Back at ringside, McMahon is run from pillar to post, head first into the security rails and the cage itself. Vince keeps trying to climb the cage and gets about three rungs before Stone Cold pulls him back down. Vince does manage to get up the cage in front of the announce desks climbing to near the top. Austin bangs his head into the cage a few times and on the third one, Vince bounces backwards and crashes through the Spanish announce table. It looks brutally painful as he undershoots and lands spine-first on the edge of the cable. I guarantee that was about 10x more painful than the spot they had planned.

It’s funny though because I knew this spot was coming and you can see them carefully setting it up, with random voices calling out “no don’t stand there” and Vince looking back over his shoulder multiple times as he climbs. 

Credit to Vince for taking a wicked bump, but the fans don’t care and start to boo when the EMTs rush to ringside with a stretcher and put a neck brace on Mr. McMahon. This match is seemingly cancelled. I think they called an audible here and I’m not sure if the next big spot is what they had planned. Vince babbles “don’t take me, leave me, don’t move me” and referees run back and forth between him and Austin, you assume passing messages?

Howard Finkle gets in the ring to announce Stone Cold as the winner but Austin cuts him off. “The match never really started, we were never in the cage at the same time. Jackass! That’s you in the black shirt, is the son of a bitch still breathing? Then this isn’t over!” The EMTs try to make a run for it as Austin climbs the cage and takes off after them. He shoves each referee and official out of the way and runs the stretcher back to the ring, sending Vince flying into the cage! He still has a neck brace on. Stone Cold hits him with the backboard from the stretcher across the back and then in the gut and finally - finally - throws Mr. McMahon into the steel cage. The bell rings and incredibly, everything I’ve written so far was just the preamble! The match is only just starting. Austin lays out Vince with a clothesline and rips off the neck brace. He drives a couple of diving elbows from the middle rope into Vince’s heart and asks for the door to be opened - he’s about to go to Wrestlemania but stops when he sees Vince is up and gives him the finger! Austin’s temper takes over and he gets back in the ring to punish his boss a little more. To be fair, McMahon isn’t bleeding yet and that was one of his guarantees. 

Austin stomps on him but when he stops to taunt, Vince kicks him low and throws him into the cage. Vince starts to climb and gets to the top and both legs over the other side, but Stone Cold catches him at the last minute and drags him back into the ring head first. Vince takes another scary bump, basically a front flip from the top into the ring. He was so lucky to not land on his head. Vince is hardcore! 

Austin drives him head first into the cage and with Vince finally bleeding (he did a blade job while Stone Cold celebrated) Austin can win. He climbs the cage and as he’s on the other side, inches from victory once again, Vince gets up onto his knees and gives him the double finger! Austin can’t believe it and lets his hatred take over and climbs back into the ring to continue the beating. Michael Cole implores Steve to remember the Rumble match and how toying with McMahon ended up costing Stone Cold. More clattering head shots into the steel cage and Austin gives him a Stone Cold Stunner. That is surely the end and as Austin gives his last little taunt before presumably climbing out, a huge figure bursts up through the ring mat and into the ring. “It’s Paul Wight!” screams Michael Cole over and over. It’s The Giant from WCW, future Big Show, but he doesn’t have his new ring name yet. He is a monstrous 7 foot tall, 500lbs human being and Vince would seem to have this match in the bag. Paul picks up Austin like a child and throws him at the cage; which bursts off its hinges and swings open, gently dropping Austin on the outside! The fans go ballistic and even with The Giant’s interference, Stone Cold is going to Wrestlemania! 

McMahon looks devastated and collapses face down on the mat. He is a beaten and broken man but sadly, it’s Paul Wight that’s off to a bad start. This was a huge debut - former WCW World Champion - but his first act on WWF television was to screw up and cost the wrong person the match by accident. To be fair, the finish was pretty cool and certainly unique and Paul looks like the strongest man in the world, literally throwing Austin - a huge man himself - so hard that the cage broke.