Raw - November 18th 2002

New Champion, New Faces, New era? 

Raw opens with General Manager Eric Bischoff in the parking lot excitedly waiting for someone. A limo pulls up and he assumes it's his mystery man but instead it's Ric Flair. Bischoff laughs about Triple H throwing a fit because he lost his title last night. Flair says The Game won’t be here tonight because he has a crushed trachea and even though he passed out multiple times he STILL almost won the match. He's in the hospital. Bischoff gives Ric Flair a match with Kane tonight, but Flair isn’t worried and laughs saying that if Kane lays a hand on him he’ll have Triple H to deal with.

In the arena, the new World Heavyweight Champion Shawn Michaels makes his way down to the ring to address the crowd. He talks about being the new Champion and asks the crowd whether he wants to be a guy who hangs around long past his prime, or whether he should retire again but go out on top as Champion? The crowd boos that. He chants his tune and says he wants to see how much his old body still has in it and has no plans on going anywhere or on losing the World title.

He also mentioned all the great talent in the back who he wants to work with, and that brings out Rob Van Dam. They shake hands and RVD gets a little swipe at Michaels age saying he watched him as a kid. He says he knows that Shawn will be a fighting champion and asks if the people want to see the Showstopper vs. the Whole Dam Show, HBK vs. RVD for the World Heavyweight Championship. Shawn is about to accept the challenge but Eric Bischoff interrupts. He ruins everyone’s good mood, reminding Shawn Michaels that he calls the shots around here. He also says that if RVD wants a title shot then he has to earn it. Tonight’s main event will be Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho vs. Booker T and the winner will get a title shot next week. Bischoff once again tells HBK that he calls the shots, and Michaels says he’s the new sheriff in town. He ends with a brag directed at Triple H asking how it feels to be the one sat in the hospital watching him on TV? The segment ends with another handshake between Michaels and RVD.

In Bischoff’s office later, some random member of staff lets him know that Triple H is rushing to the arena which Eric laughs off and assumes that he is here to beg to be in the number one contenders match and says he’ll be ready for him. (That doesn’t go anywhere)

There’s a video package recapping the events of the first ever Elimination Chamber match which certainly feels worthy of including. It was brutal. If you've never seen it, check it out. Great match.

For the second time tonight, Eric is shocked by the contents of a limo in the parking lot. It’s not Triple H, it’s Scott Steiner! Bischoff tells him that he can have anything he wants just like the good old days in WCW as long as he signs with Raw. 

Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner heads down to the ring to address the crowds. Hilariously he flubs his first line and trips over his lines. He says he hasn’t been around because he’s been busy banging as many women as possible. Wow. You can actually make an argument that he is the real last ever WCW Champion. Booker T won the title on the final episode of Nitro but the WWF was in charge by that point. Scott was the last man whom WCW made their champion by choice. He says that he’s been watching WWE while he’s been away and he’s sick of all these men claiming to be big stars when they’re not. No one can compare to the power of the genetic freak. He is interrupted by Chris Jericho. JR draws our attention to the fact that he’s wearing his Tag Team Championship belt, but not that it’s a totally new design from the one we’ve seen for the past 15 years. Jericho brags about his own physique and gets some laughs striking poses and telling Steiner that he looks like King Arthur. Scott challenges him to come down so he can kick his Medieval ass. Jericho backs off, but Scott says he’ll be here to watch Jericho’s match tonight to see if he's as good as he thinks he is. Holla if Ya Hear Me indeed. Scott was famous for lots of things but in WCW’s wild-west type atmosphere he mostly liked to go out on live TV with a microphone and bitterly shoot on everyone he didn’t like in real life, often making really unkind comments and jokes about people’s personal lives on live TV and never being punished for it. He caused his fair share of fights backstage in his time. He’s just got no filter and a nasty habit of swearing loudly when he shouldn’t. This could be a wild few months with Freakzilla in the house.

Ric Flair enters for his match with Kane not at all dressed to compete. Considering his opponent is the big red machine, he looks remarkably calm and fearless. We find out why when Flair grabs the mic and says that he does respect Kane and might even be a little afraid of him but they both know that if he attacks Flair Triple H will kick his ass. He gives Kane the runaround allowing the massive Batista to come from behind and attack Kane with a big clothesline, a spinebuster and then a monstrous sit down powerbomb. The newcomer leaves on his own so is he aligned with Ric Flair or was he just trying to make his own statement? Flair tried to court him last week.

In the locker room before the main event, Bischoff’s hidden cameras F-View pick up a private conversation between Chris Jericho and Christian where they try to patch things up after Jericho’s chair shot last week. Chistian is still sore about it, understandably. Jericho tries his best to convince Christian to help him out tonight. He needs help. 

Booker T enters first for the main event and says no one has talked about him all night but everyone will be talking about him when he becomes the number one contender tonight. He then pops the crowd with a Spinarooni which is probably a sign he isn’t winning and won’t get to do it later. RVD is second and Jericho is last, still using Saliva’s King of my World as his theme song. They’ve got the new Anthology CD to sell! The action here is fast but messy - the three of them are probably sore from the Elimination Chamber and are a step or two slower than usual. With RVD on the outside, Christian does come down to help his partner, blasting Booker T with a steel chair. Booker kicks out but it leaves him easy prey for a Walls of Jericho. Christian celebrates helping his buddy but Scott Steiner runs down and lays him and goes after Jericho. Big Poppa Pump has no problem beating up and throwing around the World Tag Team Champions with suplexes and slams and with his job done, leaves.

With Jericho down in the ring, RVD comes crashing down with a Five Star Frog Splash and picks up the victory. He’s the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Rob Van Dam vs. Shawn Michaels next week on Raw. The World Champion heads down to the ring to offer his congratulations to RVD and Raw ends with a shot which proves that HBK knows exactly how to promote a match.

Victoria doesn’t love Testicles

Backstage, Stacy Keibler is on the phone to Test and says she has some prototypes for his new t-shirt so is going to go down to the ring and poll the fans on which one they want to buy. She has a laptop and seems very busy making business dealings for her client.

Stacy heads down to the ring and talks about what Testicles want. She means Test fans. She has some t-shirts to hold up for people. I don’t think that Test is popular so much as the crowd just likes to cheer for Stacy Keibler talking about Testicles. That’s fair enough. The winner is a t-shirt which reads “I love my Testicles” and she fires some into the crowd with a t-shirt cannon. Her good time was ruined by Steven Richards who Test beat up last week. She shoots him in the junk with the t-shirt cannon which is a bit hilarious but then Stacy is attacked from behind by the new Women’s Champion Victoria! She beats up Stacy and tries to bite one of her fingers off, screaming that the people are here to see her, not Stacy. 

When Stacy gets backstage she complains about the attack to Eric Bischoff who gives Stacy a women’s championship match tonight. She doesn’t seem too keen to fight the unhinged Victoria tonight.

Stacy looks scared to death when she comes out for her match and Victoria attacks her quickly, overwhelming the non-wrestler. Stacy kicks out and tries her best to stay in the match and win the title but Victoria debuts her new finishing move - the Widow’s Peak - where she gets Stacy in a over the shoulder backbreaker and then drops into a neckbreaker which looks brutal, getting a gasp from the fans and a big reaction from JR and King. Victoria tries to keep the attack going until Trish Stratus runs down to make the save, fighting off the new champion. Steven Richards runs down to help her out and actually spikes Trish with a big DDT! Richards and Victoria are clearly together and left both women laid out.

Other Happenings

• The opening match is the team of 3-Minute Warning and Rico vs. Spike Dudley, Bubba Ray Dudley and newest Raw superstar, D-Von Dudley. D-Von returned to his old gimmick last night at Survivor Series. Sadly, his singles run as a crooked Reverend on Smackdown didn’t set the world on fire so they’ve moved him back to a tag team with Bubba Ray. I think Bubba’s singles push was more successful so this is a minor step down for him, being back to the tag ranks but Raw doesn’t have any mid-card singles titles so he has more chance to win gold in this position. The fans are certainly glad that The OG Dudleyz trio is back. They pick up the win with a 3D on Rico. I didn’t notice it until after the match but they’ve reverted back to their previous theme song too, dropping the Saliva track they’ve had since Wrestlemania. 

• Lance Storm and William Regal take on the team of Tommy Dreamer and Jeff Hardy. Last night on Heat before Survivor Series Tommy got involved in Storm and Regal’s tag team match with Goldust and Hurricane and has been pursuing them after they almost cracked his jaw with brass knuckles a couple of weeks ago. Regal and Storm win the match quickly as Jeff is still heavily selling the effects of his tables match last night and after the win, drive Dreamer’s face into a steel chair and he continues to sell his face and jaw. 

• Live at The World in Times Square, Tough Enough winner Maven is meeting and greeting fans. Meanwhile, Tough Enough runner up Christopher Nowinski is in the arena for a “School of hard knocks” match and enters dressed like he’s on his way to school with a backpack, a lunch box and a blackboard which reads “Brains over Brawn”. His opponent is Al Snow and this is basically a hardcore match. This is great fun and Snow puts a Dunce cap on Nowinski and rolls a bowling ball into his crotch. It looks like Chris got one of his teeth knocked out with blood coming from his mouth. Snow sets up Nowinski on a pile of chairs and tries for a moonsault but misses and crashes through the chairs which is enough for the Harvard grad to pick up the win! Brains over Brawn! Ok, it’s official - I love Nowinski, I love this whole gimmick. 

• In addition to having gained Ivory, D-Von Dudley and Maven in exchange for the Big Show, Eric Bischoff has gained the former Val Venis. He tells Bischoff to never call him that again - he’s now Sean Morley, which is his real name. He is happy to sign a Raw contract and try to be taken seriously. 

Smackdown - November 21st 2002

Brock Lesnar is Out for Blood

After a recap of both Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman’s relationship since his debut and the stunning double cross at Survivor Series, Brock Lesnar is shown waiting backstage for the arrival of his former agent and the new WWE Champion Big Show. He’s pacing like a caged animal. Show will be here because he has his first title defence against Edge.

Brock Lesnar gets sick of waiting for Show and storms off looking for a fight. In the Smackdown locker room, no one will make eye contact with him but Matt Hardy bravely praises him before telling him that if he had a little more Mattitude he might still be champion. Brock grabs Matt and violently slams him through a wall! After a commercial break, Eddie Guerrero complains to General Manager Stephanie McMahon about the unsafe working conditions they’re being subjected to. He asks if she really thinks Brock Lesnar will listen to a woman? She tells Latino Heat that SHE runs Smackdown and will take care of it.

Lesnar is still rampaging backstage when Stephanie approaches him and says that he needs to calm down - she didn’t give him a rematch tonight because he needs to wait until his ribs are healed. She tells him if he lays his hands on anyone else tonight he will be suspended! 

WWE Champion Big Show arrives along with his new agent, Paul Heyman. Mark Lloyd tries to get an interview but Heyman cuts him off - he already knows everything that happened tonight. He has to prompt Show twice to jump in and finish the promo for them which I suspect was a real botch and Show missed his cue. Come on man.

Back in Stephanie McMahon’s office she begs Brock Lesnar to stay in her office and try to remain calm. She says that Paul Heyman and Big Show are going down to the ring next and she knows Heyman will say and do anything to try and provoke Lesnar to go down and attack them. He’ll get himself suspended or even make his rib injury worse! After a commercial break, Brock Lesnar’s music hits and Paul Heyman comes out wearing the WWE title belt, mocking Lesnar and mimicking his entrance movements. He talks about a once in a lifetime talent but he doesn’t mean Brock, he means himself. He takes full credit for all of Brock’s accomplishments and success since he debuted and says that the monster stopped listening to Dr. Frankenstein.

He says he had to cost Lesnar the title to prove that he is the one with all the power and control. His new client understands and appreciates his genius - the new WWE Champion, The Big Show. The champion finally comes out to join his agent. Big Show talks about his size and strength and says he is unstoppable with the greatest mind in wrestling behind him. Heyman closes by revealing that his final act as Lesnar’s agent was to make sure there would be no rematch. That’s too much for Brock and he comes through the crowd, grabbing a steel chair and landing one shot to Big Show’s back before security grab him. Quite interesting to get a good look at the gorilla position in 2002 with Jim Ross helping run the show. Stephanie tells Lesnar that if he does ONE more thing tonight he WILL be suspended. She clearly doesn’t want to suspend the Next Big Thing but he’s testing her limits. 

Backstage, Smackdown’s number one announcer Funaki interviews Edge. Funaki compares Big Show to Godzilla. Edge says that tonight he’s King Kong and King Kong always kicks Godzilla’s ass. This is his first title shot on Smackdown and he plans to make the most of it and win his first WWE Championship tonight on Smackdown. Seems unlikely buddy but best of luck to you.

In the champion’s locker room, Big Show complains about his back pain and he insists that Paul Heyman go to Stephanie McMahon’s office to find out why Lesnar wasn’t suspended and to get his match tonight cancelled. Heyman is scared to leave the safety of their locker room with Brock Lesnar running around but Show makes him do it anyway. After a commercial for WWE Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth for the Playstation 2 and a recap of the events so far tonight, Heyman tries to talk Stephanie out of tonight’s main event. He asks for assurances that Brock Lesnar won’t brutally attack him or his client tonight. She promises him that if Lesnar does get involved tonight he WILL be suspended. Heyman mocks her for having threatened it already and not doing it so she doubles down and says that it will happen and she means it this time.

In the main event, Edge gets what he called his first ever WWE Championship match. True for most of the world but fans in the UK saw his real first ever WWE title match at Rebellion 2002. Big Show throws around the smaller Edge but after a low blow, Edge hits a Spear. Show doesn’t leave his feet, and doesn’t after a second one either but the third puts him down. Edge might have the match and the title won but Heyman grabs his foot and pulls him out of the ring to break the pin. Edge chases Heyman around the ring but Show catches him and brings Edge from the outside back in with a chokeslam over the ropes. Heyman grabs the mic and tells Show not to pin Edge yet - he needs to treat him like he’s Brock Lesnar. Big Show pounds Edge with two more huge chokeslams. Brock Lesnar then runs to the ring and lifts Show onto his shoulders, even walking around the ring a bit with the 500lbs Show on his shoulders before drilling him with an F5. Paul Heyman runs into the crowd and out of the arena with his former client giving chase. Heyman escapes to his limo and gets out of the arena in time, but does this mean Brock Lesnar is suspended just like Stephanie promised? 

Cruiserweight Division

In the opening match, former Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble tries to end his losing streak against Rey Mysterio. It’s a good but short match and despite Nidia’s best efforts - pulling Rey off the apron when he tries for a West Coast Pop - Mysterio pulls out an awesome victory with a great backwards springboard into a hurricanrana and roll up. Rey is awesome, but that’s not news.

Nidia tries to cheer Jamie Noble backstage. He’s so sad about losing his title and all the money and the good life he’d built for them. He says he knows who he needs to call. Nidia doesn’t want him to call his “crazy cousin Nunzio” but Noble insists that he must.

Billy Kidman defends his newly won Cruiserweight Championship against Tajiri. Kidman picks up the win in a good but short match with the Shooting Star Press.

Other Happenings

• Chris Benoit faces one half of the new WWE Tag Team Champions Chavo Guerrero. Eddie accompanies his nephew to ringside but the referee smartly ejects him, assuming they’ll cheat. Chavo works on Benoit’s ribs but he guts it out and counters Chavo into a Crossface for the submission win.

• Kurt Angle takes on the other half of the WWE Tag Team Champions Eddie Guerrero. This is a really physical match. Chavo wasn’t out with Eddie initially but as the match progresses he comes out onto the stage and slowly creeps down to the ring step by step like he’s hoping the referee won’t notice him which is quite funny. Eddie distracts the referee and allows Eddie to run down and get in some cheap shots which brings out Chris Benoit to keep an eye on him. Thanks to lots of help from Chavo, Eddie locks in the Lasso from El Paso but Kurt rolls through that into an ankle lock. The two counter back and forth some more and despite Chavo’s best efforts, Kurt hits an awesome looking Angle slam off the top rope to pick up the win. Chavo tries to attack Kurt after the match and is quickly taken down with an ankle lock and with no help from Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle beats Eddie and fights off both Guerrero's single handedly. Benoit gives Kurt a sarcastic applause after the match.

• John Cena debuts new theme music. It’s an instrumental rap backing track with a graffiti laden titantron video to match. He hasn’t changed his ring gear yet but this plus the rapping in promos puts him one step closer to the legendary Doctor of Thuganomics. I’ll keep you posted. His opponent is Rikishi who’s shown off some of his own rap battle skills lately. Before the match begins, Dawn Marie and Al Wilson come out onto the stage with a special announcement - they’re getting married on Smackdown and all of the fans are invited. Al sounds like Kermit the Frog. He dips and kisses Dawn Marie. She’s a good sport, making out with a man who must be at least three times her age. Thankfully we quickly move on to this match which Rikishi wins with a belly to belly suplex. He tries to give Cena a Rump Shaker off the ropes like a big sore winner but a man in a beanie cap runs down and makes the save, dropping Rikishi off his shoulders and delivering a big leg drop. It’s Bull Bucanan making his return to TV. Cena and Bull leave together as Cena screams “that's my dog!” over and over.

• There’s a video promoting that Scott Steiner will be on Smackdown next week. He made his debut at Survivor Series and was on Raw on Monday but has yet to sign with either brand, still weighing up his options. So far he’s beaten up Chris Nowinski, Matt Hardy, Chris Jericho and Christian! 

Raw - November 25th 2002

Triple H Stops the Show

After a recap of Triple H’s serious injury in the Elimination Chamber, Terri interviews Shawn Michaels about his first match on Raw in almost five full years. He wants to talk about his challenger tonight Rob Van Dam but he wants to go and say it to his face and goes off to do that. 

Shawn Michaels is hunting around backstage and finds his challenger stretching on his own ahead of the main event. It’s a really nice conversation as Shawn tells RVD how awesome he is, and what an amazing gift he has. He reminds him of himself in his prime, but he’s missing one important thing - he slaps RVD hard in the face and the challenger responds immediately with one of his own! HBK smiles and tells him that now he’s speaking his language. 

On December 27th 1997 Shawn Michaels wrestled his last match on Raw against Owen Hart. It was a banger. For the first time in five years he wrestles on Raw which is a big deal! This is a dream match for a lot of people I’m sure. HBK, much like at Survivor Series, is wearing gear that is very different from his old school gear - black with a HBK logo printed down the legs. I’m sure he’ll be back to his classic leopard print and love heart motifs in no time.

The action here is really good between two very gifted wrestlers. They work very smoothly together and its obvious Shawn has done his homework. He’s very giving too - 2002 Shawn Michaels is not the selfish ego maniac that 90s Shawn Michaels was. After a really good back and forth, RVD hits a Five Star Frog Splash onto HBK’s back and has the World title won but Triple H comes through the crowd and pulls RVD out of the ring, Pedigreeing him on the outside of the ring. That causes a disqualification obviously and Triple H grabs a steel chair, planning to take his frustrations out on Shawn Michaels. HBK does his best to fight back but Triple H scoops up the Champion and drills him across the seat of a steel chair, trying to break his back all over again.

Tag Team Nudity

Raw opens with the first of three title matches tonight - the reunited Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley take on Chris Jericho and Christian for the World Tag Team titles. This is a good match and the fans are red hot for it, wanting to see new champions. D-Von isn’t as popular as Bubba - That time spent as a dodgy Reverend on Smackdown has hurt his image - but they do get behind him while the champions down team. Jericho rolls up D-Von and both men’s shoulders are down. The referee only counts out D-Von so the Champions retain. JR seems to have missed what happened and is very confused by the finish. Eric Bischoff comes out onto the stage along with Sean Morley, the former Val Venis.

He tells us that Mr. Bischoff has appointed him the Chief of Staff and he is here to enforce the rules. He points out that both men’s shoulders were down and so the match has to restart, and after a commercial break it does. It doesn’t last long and with a 3D on Christian, The Dudleyz win the Tag Team titles!

As they celebrate, they are once again interrupted by Morley who saw another violation of the rules. Bubba Ray was the legal man, not D-Von and so D-Von’s pin doesn’t count. There are no new champions and the match must be restarted AGAIN. The Dudleyz connect with their Wazzup heatbutt and try to get tables. As Bubba argues with the referee, Christian dropkicks the table back into D-Von’s face which takes him out and after a low blow and a shot from one of the Tag Team title belts, Jericho locks Bubba Ray in the Walls of Jericho for a submission victory. The third and final finish is the end of this match and Jericho and Christian keep the tag team titles. It’s noteworthy that Morley’s “upholding of the rules” only extended to the petty, accidental rule breaking and not to Jericho and Christian’s blatant cheating.

They’re off to shower and get all dressed up to give the women a dose of vitamin C. Moments later, Bubba Ray and D-Von are all worked up and pissed off about their loss and are about to go and attack the champions but Bubba slows D-Von down and tells him that he has a plan.

Backstage, a jubilant Jericho and Christian spray champagne all over Terri and celebrate their victory. Jericho gets all worked up over what Scott Steiner did last week and the two of them make fun of him and his promos. 

Later, Jericho and Christian exit the showers and find that their bags are missing. They demand answers from Hurricane, D’Lo and various other people. Of course D-Von Dudley has them and he goads the champions to come and get them. They run out and find that the other Raw superstars have locked the door behind them! Christian and Jericho are left running around backstage wearing only towels! There’s multiple segments as the champions run around backstage accusing people of laughing at them and trying to find spare clothes. They find an unattended suitcase and make fun of all the ugly clothes inside only to turn around and find Rico, Rosey and Jamal who’s clothes they are.

They’re intimidated off by 3-Minute Warning.

The misadventures of the World Tag Team Champions continue. Christian is very worried about potential shrinkage! They see that The Dudleyz have gone down to the ring with their bags and so they rush out onto the stage to demand the return of their clothes. Bubba asks the crowd who wants free clothes? D-Von and Bubba throw their clothes into the crowd but then find a giant tub of Ass Cream! Bubba demands to know what Ass Cream is and what they do with it?

Jericho gets some laughs claiming the ass cream is Christian’s. They throw everything but the Ass Cream into the crowd and Bubba says that if they’re going to rob them of the tag team titles then they’ll rob them of their dignity. Spike Dudley appears behind the champions and whips their towels away! Some clever camera work hides the nudity (I’m sure they weren’t really naked) and Christian made me laugh by appearing behind the Raw stage in silhouette trying to escape. This was all funny stuff.

Victoria is a Menace

Test and Stacy Keiber - both wearing Test’s new “I love my Testicles” t-shirt - enter for Test’s match with Steven Richards. Test wins a short match with his Overdrive.

Backstage, Stacy tells Test how proud she is of him. Test is delighted and finally embraces the marketing slogan saying that he loves his testicles. She gives him a big kiss. Test leaves and Victoria grabs poor Stacy from behind and threatens her. She has a match with Trish tonight but she’ll be thinking of Stacy. She says she loves the taste of fear and licks Stacy’s ear! Did she say fear or ear? 

Victoria defends the Women’s Championship against former champion Trish Stratus. Victoria dominates the challenger, throwing her around and grinding her down with submission holds. Trish fights back valiantly and I’m pleased that there’s minimal chanting for puppies during this match with the fans actually popping for the big moves and near falls. Trish comes close to regaining her title with a Chick Kick and a top rope hurricanrana but Victoria hits the same finishing move she used on Stacy last week which now has its name - the Widow’s Peak - for the victory. It once again gets a big reaction from the crowd and the commentators. Victoria is awesome. Steven Richards comes out to celebrate with her and she looks especially demanted with a trickle of blood on her teeth and a smile on her face. She licks Richards’ neck and bites his ear. Man, lucky Stevie. 

Other Happenings

• My newest boy Christopher Nowinski goes one on one with Maven, his former Tough Enough rival. Nowinski says that no one will ever call Maven better than him again and says Maven only won Tough Enough because he milked his mother’s illness for sympathy. That fires Maven up and he rushes Nowinski but it backfires when the Harvard graduate lays him out with a big, thick book to the head. 
• Jeff Hardy and Hurricane face Lance Storm and William Regal. Jeff was on the losing team last week but in fairness, didn’t even get into the match and left Tommy to fight Regal and Storm solo as he was too sore after the Elimination Chamber. There were multiple mentions during this show of the roster just getting back from India. According to King and JR, Storm and Regal are both under the weather and Booker T was actually rushed to the hospital earlier due to feeling unwell after the international tour. No one knew it yet but William Regal was suffering from a heart parasite which could cause long term health complications. That didn’t get diagnosed for a couple of months so I’ll talk about that more in February. Lance Storm picks up the win for his team with a single leg boston crab on Hurricane for the submission win and then when Jeff tries to get some payback, he runs into a chainsaw as Regal and Storm beat the hell out of him too. JR says that these two are becoming the best tag team in the whole WWE which might be true! 
• After what happened last week, Kane goes one on one with Batista. If there’s any doubt that the whole Katie Vick thing killed off Kane’s momentum its the fact that Kane hasn’t cut a promo in weeks and gets about half the reaction he used to. Batista doesn’t come out, Ric Flair does. Lillian Garcia clearly doesn’t know what's going on and starts to do Flair’s ring introduction so they cut off her mic half way through. Flair goads Kane into coming up to fight him and it allows Batista to attack Kane from behind. The match begins back in the ring and Flair stays at ringside to cheer on the big man. Kane weather’s Batista’s early assault and comes back but his flying clothesline takes both Batista and the referee down. Ric Flair gets involved with a steel chair to Kane’s head which leads to the Batista Bomb and the newcomer’s biggest victory to date over the former WWE Champion. Flair confirms his alliance with Batista after the match by raising his hand in victory. 

• There is another RNN injury update for the still injured Randy Orton, wishing us all a happy Thanksgiving. 
• In Eric Bischoff’s office he talks to Sean Morley about his addition to Raw. He mentions that he’s a little embarrassed to have gotten rid of Big Show and now he’s the WWE Champion so he can’t afford to lose out on signing Scott Steiner. Morley is about to tell him about a contact he has who might be able to help them get Freakzilla on Raw but it’s cut off by the RNN news update.
• Goldust takes on Rico, both flying solo. Goldust wins a short match with the Curtain Call as JR and King spend most of the time talking about how Rico used to be a cop in Las Vegas. 

Smackdown - November 28th 2002

Lesnar Suspended

Smackdown opens with a recap of last week’s events and then Stephanie McMahon heading down to the ring. The Smackdown General Manager needs to decide whether to suspend Brock Lesnar, just like she threatened to last week. She calls him the cornerstone of Smackdown and as much as she needs to give us the most entertaining Smackdown she also has to protect the superstars and to prove that she is the boss. It seems like she’s about to suspend the Next Big Thing but his music hits and Lesnar heads down to the ring to hear her decision in person. She smartly gets out of the ring and puts some distance between them, letting security file out and stand between them before she tells him that he is suspended indefinitely. She also borrows an old line from her dad. “I didn’t screw Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar screwed Brock Lesnar”. After the commercial break, the security march him out of the arena and into his car, which appears to be a minivan. He tells them that if one of them touches him again he’ll use their nightstick as a thermometer. So Lesnar is gone.

Backstage, Stephanie McMahon is all upset about having to suspend Brock Lesnar and the fans booing her. She comes across as a heel when she whines about the crowd for booing her despite all she does for them, including bringing Scott Steiner to Smackdown. He compares it to the crowd chanting You Suck at him and she tells him off for always making it about him. She then goes on to say that her “aunt Flow” is visiting and she has PMS. Kurt doesn’t get it and says it's lovely she has an aunt who visits her once a month! I’ve no idea who this weird bit of comedy was for.

Back in Stephanie’s office she is expecting Scott Steiner but she gets Moolah instead. She continues to slag off the town they’re in. Charleston North Carolina. She rips on it really nastily and that might seem odd but its an inside joke as this is where Vince McMahon was born. She decides to give Moolah a match tonight so that she can plug her book. The show is in Moolah’s hometown so she wants to punish Moolah for her hometown booing her earlier. Moolah says she's always ready for a fight and is happy to wrestle on Smackdown. Steph calls her “Lil” multiple times so I guess that’s her real name? I’m not googling it.

Mark Lloyd’s investigation continues as he asks a ticket scalper whether he sold a ticket to Brock Lesnar. Ticket scalping is illegal so he won’t own up to it.

Paul Heyman goes to see Stephanie McMahon and says that its a shame that Brock Lesnar is suspended because Big Show was going to defend the title against Lesnar tonight. She calls out Heyman’s bluff and says that Big Show WILL defend the title tonight against an opponent of “championship status” which leaves Heyman flustered. His big mouth got him in trouble.

Moolah has a mystery opponent and so does The Big Show. Michael Cole can see where this is going and it turns out he’s right - what is Stephanie doing? It feels like they wrote this show and only had ideas that would make her a villain so they filmed a segment where she talks about being on her period to explain why she’s a bad guy for one week only? Moolah hides behind the referee as Paul Heyman assures her that Big Show respects her and doesn’t want to hurt her.

Given what a monster Moolah turned out to be in real life, part of me enjoys seeing Show grab her by the throat and prepare to chokeslam her but Brock Lesnar returns, coming through the crowd and attacking the WWE Champion, giving Show a third F5 but this time though the announce table! Lesnar prepares to chase after his former agent for revenge and Heyman looks terrified, sprinting away. Stephanie McMahon is on the scene with a small army of security and police to stop him and demands that they remove him from the building. Smackdown ends with Michael Cole asking when will Lesnar finally get his hands on Paul Heyman?

Big Poppa Pump on Smackdown

Out in the parking lot, Mark Lloyd is standing by as they got word that despite leaving earlier, Brock Lesnar has come back to the arena. While he’s waiting, Scott Steiner’s limo shows up. Big Poppa Pump flexes his muscles in Mark’s face. He’s tonight’s special guest as both GMs try to sign him to their brand.

Backstage, Nidia tells Jamie Noble that she’s so glad he didn’t call his crazy cousin Nunzio. As they chat, Scott Steiner walks by and slaps Nidia on the ass which greatly offends Noble despite his gimmick previously being that he likes to share her with other men. 

After a commercial break, Jamie Noble and Nidia are in the ring and he calls out Scott Steiner. You can only touch his Nidia if he allows it and he’s the only Big Booty Daddy in her life. Steiner doesn’t need to be asked twice and comes to the ring. He easily beats up Noble and then slaps Nidia on the ass again for good measure. Steiner gets on the mic and says that the world wants to know if he’s going to pick Raw or Smackdown and that no one can accuse him of sitting around drinking beer and eating potato chips - he is in peak physical condition. He still hasn’t decided where he’ll be ending up yet.

Happy Thanksgiving

Tazz isn’t here tonight because he’s at home for a family emergency. He’s filled in on commentary by Ernest “The Cat” Miller. A terrible wrestler but with bags of charisma. He was a mainstay of WCW and most importantly good friends with Eric Bischoff behind the scenes which meant his job was always safe. He spent a long time in WWE developmental and served as commentator on Velocity for a long time before finally wrestling briefly for WWE too. I don’t think we’ll see him in the ring during this period I’m covering.

I have no idea what a Pilgrim Fashion Show is but it’s another excuse for Torrie Wilson and Dawn Marie to stand around with hardly any clothes on. Beforehand, Torrie runs into real life boyfriend Billy Kidman who tells her how hot she is, and she says she doesn’t really care about the fashion show. She's just happy to have a chance to get her hands on Dawn Marie. Ernest Miller hosts the Fashion Show and dances in front of a big table of food which obviously won’t end up all over these two girls, right? Ernest brings out the two girls and then the turkey, which turns out to be Al Wilson in a turkey suit. Both Torrie and Dawn look like they’re struggling to keep a straight face at various points. This is the peak of silliness. Michael Cole hysterically screams “AAHHHHHH! HELP!!!!” when Al starts to talk.

These segments aren’t saved by Cole (and usually Tazz too) making fun of how awful they are the whole time but it helps. Thankfully The Cat cuts Al off as he witters on so that Torrie and Dawn can show off their bodies. In case you needed proof that Al isn’t really Torrie’s dad, imagine her stripping off to a thong bikini and shaking her ass while her real dad was standing 5 feet away from her? Editors note: I have since learned that Al Wilson IS in fact Torrie's real dad, making all of this even worse. Dawn spends her time taunting Torrie with her engagement ring so Torrie attacks her, strips her and throws food at her. Al Wilson takes a pie in the face and Torrie empties a punch bowl over Dawn’s head. I bet that was really cold! She finishes with a pumpkin on her head. This was awful. It’s a shame that this is the women’s division on Smackdown while the women’s division on Raw is so good. 

Other Happenings

• Former WWE Tag Team Champions Edge and Rey Mysterio take on Matt Hardy Version 1.0 and John Cena, who has Bull Bucanan with him, now rechristened B Squared. This week’s Matt Fact is that Matt thinks Thanksgiving is a boring holiday and Cena is still in his original ring gear. Edge is worked over by Matt and Cena until making a tag to Rey who lights up both men with high speed offence and a sliding dropkick to Cena in the corner. B Squared is there to stop the attempted 619 and Edge wipes out Cena and B Squared with a dive to the outside. Matt Hardy counters Rey’s hurricanrana attempt into a powerbomb and grabs the ropes for leverage to steal the win for his team. 

• Los Guerreros defend the WWE Tag Team Championships against Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle. It feels like their partners who hate each other storyline has reached a natural end point so this is the last time we’ll see them team up and chase these titles. Eddie and Chavo try to walk out and get counted out while Benoit and Angle argue but the referee won’t have it and says the match can’t end via count out. The fans chant “we want Angle” as the Guerreros slowly work over Benoit. That’s not the first time over the past couple of months where the crowd have adopted Kurt Angle as a babyface despite how he acts. Talent is too good to ignore sometimes. This is a great tag team match with a flurry of near falls and close finishes as the referee misses Eddie tapping out and Benoit just barely kicks out from a Chavo frog splash. After a shot from the Tag team title belt, Benoit gets pinned by Eddie and Los Guerreros retain the championships.

• Billy Kidman defends the Cruiserweight Championship against Crash. It’s a good match where Crash gets in a lot of offense but after a spinebuster and a Shooting Star Press, Kidman keeps the title.

• Chuck Palumbo who, without Billy, is just another boring big wrestler with no personality takes on Tajiri. Palumbo locks in a sort of backwards Boston crab which Michael Cole says is called the Padlock. It doesn’t finish the match so it’s a rubbish finisher apparently. Tajiri sprays his green mist and follows with a stiff kick to the head to pick up the victory. 
• Elsewhere backstage, Matt Hardy goes to see Paul Heyman and WWE Champion Big Show and says that thanks to him, Stephanie McMahon has suspended Brock Lesnar. Heyman says he owes Matt an apology for last week as he feels some guilt for what Brock did to him last week. Matt’s such a blowhard and Heyman and Show gently excuse themselves from the conversation.

Raw - December 2nd 2002

Number One Contender

Triple H arrives at the arena and goes straight to Eric Bischoff’s office to complain about not being handed the number one contendership automatically - he has to wrestle Rob Van Dam in a number one contendership match first. The title is HIS and he calls Bischoff’s treatment an insult. Bischoff tells The Game that he respects him but he can’t act entitled and he has to win the number one contenders match. Triple H and Ric Flair leave and Bischoff and Chief Morley agree that the main event needs a special referee.

Terri interviews World Champion Shawn Michaels who says he’s feeling ok after the back breaker onto a steel chair last week. He says as much as he’d love to face RVD again, he also wants to get his hands on Triple H. Rob Van Dam shows up and tells him that he had Shawn beat last week and Triple H saved his title, and then asks how he was ever such good friends with such an asshole? Eric Bischoff shows up and decides that given his issues with both men, Shawn Michaels will be the perfect special referee for tonight’s main event BUT if he doesn’t call the match fair and square, right down the middle he’ll strip him of his World Heavyweight Championship.

Backstage before the main event, Triple H confronts Shawn Michaels and tells him that tonight he’ll become number one contender and take his title back at Armageddon. Shawn says that he’s heard that before but he beat him at Summerslam and he beat him at Survivor Series so it's him that’s making Triple H’s life hell. He reminds him that he doesn’t need to get pinned or submit, he just has to cross the referee and get himself disqualified and then it's “Game Over”. That match is next.

Shawn Michaels immediately ejects Ric Flair from ringside before the match can even begin. He’s going to make sure this main event is one on one, fair and square. Shawn’s officiating is far from legit, counting slowly for Triple H and fast for RVD. He made me laugh as RVD locked in a sleeper and Shawn went to lengths to make sure he was in Triple H’s way as he reached for the ropes, blocking him from breaking the hold. RVD gets knocked down twice by mistake by a missed Van Dam crossbody and then a missed spinning heel kick. He has control of the match so does his best to get HBK back to his feet but the distraction allows Triple H to brain him with a stiff steel chair shot.  Michaels missed that and is forced to - slowly - count the three and give Triple H the victory. They’ll now face each other for the World Heavyweight Championship at Armageddon. Shawn tries to leave peacefully but The Game demands that Shawn raise his arm in victory, being an asshole about it. Michaels does but then attacks his challenger and it turns into a furious brawl. They even fight off the referees and officials together just so that they can continue to fight each other unimpeded. Michaels gets the last shot in, dropping Triple H with a Sweet Chin Music! 

Tag Team Mayhem

Raw opens with Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley vs. Rosey and Jamal. Rico does his best to help 3-Minute Warning pick up the win, Spike makes the save and The Dudleyz win with a 3D on Rosey.

The show goes to a commercial break with all three Dudleyz celebrating and when we return, all three of them are laid out and hurt being attended to by referees. The World Tag Team Champions Christian and Chris Jericho looking for revenge from last week’s humiliation attacked from behind with still chairs, throwing Spike from the entrance ramp onto the announce desk and with the help of Rosey, Jamal and Rico destroying Bubba Ray and D-Von with conchairtos. Backstage, Eric Bischoff chats to his new chief of staff Sean Morely who promises to handle the chaotic tag team situation. He also requests to be known as Chief Morley.

In Chris Jericho and Christian’s locker room, Christian tells Jericho he’ll prove to Booker T later that he’s no sucker and Jericho declares that Booker will find out he’s King of the World. No real point to this but its important to get the catchphrases over I guess.

Booker T enters first and when Jericho enters second (he’s gone back to his original theme song this week), Booker cuts him off and says that he calls himself a Huge rockstar but after seeing him naked last week we all know he’s not Huge anything. Jericho is seething at the five time WCW Champion having a laugh at his expense and rushes the ring to start the match. This feud has been bubbling away since before No Mercy! The action here is really good with both guys going for counter after counter and avoiding each other’s big moves. Christian runs down to help out his partner but Goldust is there to help out Booker T and as they brawl on the outside, Booker T escapes a Walls of Jericho and hits the Scissors Kick. He has the match won but before the referee can count, Chief Morley comes out and tells Goldust and Christian that if they want to get involved, they can. The Booker T vs. Chris Jericho match is a no-contest and this will now restart as a World Tag Team Championship match! The champions are very upset and after a commercial break, we’re back with a title match.

The fans are RED hot for this match - being in Texas, this is Booker and Goldust’s home state. They cheer huge for every near fall and chant “bullshit” when Jericho barely kicks out. The referee gets taken out and a title belt shot by Christian and a Lionsault by Jericho leads to another successful title defence for the Canadians. Once again, despite Chief Morley sticking rigidly to some rules he doesn’t restart this match again after blatant cheating from the champions. 

Ladies Night

Trish Stratus goes one on one with Ivory, with Women’s Champion Victoria shown watching backstage and weirdly wearing one of Trish’s cowboy hats. Trish picks up the win in a competitive match. Backstage we learn that Victoria isn’t in Trish’s locker room and the cowboy hat actually belongs to Jacqueline! She tells the champ to get out of her locker room and that leads to a challenge for a match later. 

Jacquline takes on Victoria in a non-title match. This is Jackie’s hometown but she doesn’t get a massive reaction. I’ve praised the women’s division on Raw a lot in the past month or so and having two women’s matches on the same episode of Raw must be a first. I just hope the company has the patience to stick it out through these still-quiet crowds for the women and trust that it’ll take some time for it to catch on (which is what happened). In somewhat of an upset, Jackie hits a spinning heel kick and picks up the win over the champion! That felt like it was out of the blue. Steven Richards runs down to the ring to console Victoria and check on her and after a commercial break, Victoria gets on the mic and screeches that Jackie cheated and she has to come back to the ring for a rematch!

 It’s not Jacqueline that comes out, it’s Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner! Freakzilla’s previous appearances were all promoted ahead of time but this one is a surprise. Steiner propositions Victoria and tells her that he’s a king sized lady thriller and she should get wit the Big Bad Booty Daddy. She is unimpressed, and Richards attacks Steiner from behind. He is effortlessly thrown around with suplexes and slams. Victoria jumps on his back so Steiner throws her off too.

He still hasn’t declared for Raw or Smackdown so Eric Bischoff comes out to try and convince him to stay here on Raw. He brings Scott to the back for a special surprise he has lined up - it’s a bunch of beautiful women. Steiner appreciates it but says he has a super freak of his own in his limo. Bischoff is excited to meet her until it turns out to be Stephanie McMahon! She tells him that he can offer Big Poppa Pump something Bischoff just can’t, and they get in the limo together. Is she going to sleep with Scott Steiner just to sign him to Smackdown?

Other Happenings

• Jeff Hardy and Tommy Dreamer once again take on William Regal and Lance Storm. This has become a heated rivalry as Regal and Storm have used weapons to hurt Dreamer’s jaw twice now and took out Jeff Hardy with their flag pole too. Jeff and Tommy prove my point by rushing their opponents and attacking them on the entrance ramp to start the match. It doesn’t last long and Dreamer’s injured face makes the difference as he’s put down by a running knee by Regal for the victory. The former Un-Americans want to keep it doing and get a steel chair, preparing to try and injure Jeff Hardy the same way but Tommy comes back with a kendo stick and makes the save, chasing them off.
• Randy Orton tries to give us another RNN Breaking News update on his shoulder injury but JR cuts him off - there’s breaking news back at the arena and they don’t have time for him. Randy isn’t happy! He wasn’t done talking!

• Backstage, Ric Flair tells Batista how impressive he is. How far he can go in this business. He wants him to open up and talk about his past, he wants him to trust Ric Flair to manage and lead him. He talks about Batista’s history of having a tough childhood and fighting his whole life. He tells him the world needs to see the real Dave Batista. His opponent is The Hurricane, who has started giving out plastic versions of his superhero mask to kids in the front row. I love that gimmick but the kid gets traumatised as Batista attacks him right in front of the kid and finishes him in seconds with a Batista Bomb. Ric Flair encourages him to “unleash his rage” and give him another but Kane runs down to rescue his former tag team championship partner. He has his own issues with big Dave of course and he clears him out of the ring. Flair is quick to hold Batista back and end the fight there.

• Bischoff’s F-View hidden cameras catch a long, intimate make out session between Test and Stacy Keibler, just in case you were doubtful they were really dating. She has some marketing ideas but he doesn’t want to hear them and keeps kissing her. That’s fair, he’s only human.

Smackdown - December 5th 2002

Chasing Championships

After a recap of Brock Lesnar’s suspension last week, the show opens with a huge main event announcement - a Fatal four way elimination match to see who’ll face Big Show for the WWE title at Armageddon.

Albert goes one on one with Rey Mysterio. Michael Cole says that Albert views this as his big chance - he hasn’t been on Smackdown for months, he’s been performing on Velocity and needs to make an impact. These are all quotes from Albert himself apparently. He smashes Rey Mysterio and throws him around with ease. Albert catches Rey’s attempted West Coast Pop and turns it into an over the shoulder backbreaker which is enough to give him the victory - a big upset victory because despite his huge size advantage, Rey has been hanging with main eventers for months now. Albert isn’t done making his impact and he attacks Rey, hanging him upside down in the corner and hammering on his knee with punches and kicks. He’s trying to injure Rey and seems to have achieved it with a pair of big swinging chair shot to the knee. Rey’s tag team partner Edge runs down to chase Albert off and stop the assault there. Albert wanted to get noticed and he’s achieved that. Later in the trainers office, Edge is extremely upset over Rey’s injury as the doctors discuss how his knee might be shattered. 

General Manager Stephanie McMahon comes out onto the stage and shows clips from Raw where she appears to have tried to use her body and feminine wiles to seduce Scott Steiner into joining Smackdown. She says that Scott Steiner will be on Smackdown live next week to sign his contract, and that tonight Brock Lesnar will be here via satellite to talk about his suspension and his side of the story.

In Los Guerreros locker room they discuss their respective matches tonight. Chavo has the chance to win the Cruiserweight title, and when Eddie wins the main event he can beat Big Show and be WWE Champion. Imagine how proud La Familia will be when they’re double champions! 

Michael Cole and Tazz interview Brock Lesnar via satellite about the events of the past few weeks - Paul Heyman screwing him over and him being suspended last week. He says he got what he deserved for working with Paul Heyman but he’s still going to punish him for what he did. His interview is interrupted by Paul Heyman and Big Show. They rub salt in the wound. Heyman says that he keeps losing his temper and that's why he had to take the title taken from him because he won’t listen to reason and kept asking like a child. He needed a spanking from the 500lbs Big Show. Heyman says that they screwed him and they’re proud of it - they enjoyed it! They’d do it all over again and planned the whole thing weeks before Survivor Series. Brock says he can’t wait to see who wins the number one contenders match tonight because when they challenge Big Show at Armageddon he’ll be there to see it in person. 

Billy Kidman defends the Cruiserweight Championship against Chavo Guerrero. Kidman has been a highlight of Smackdown lately, it's always good when he’s featured. Chavo focuses his attack on Kidman’s ribs, running his chest and side into the corners and keeping his focus on the ribs and lower back. He tries for a superplex but Billy fights him off, dropping him and trying for the Shooting Star but Chavo avoids it and hits the Gory Bomb but Kidman is very lucky to have his foot on the ropes to save himself and his title reign. Chavo tries to use his title belt as a weapon but Kidman blocks it, hits a nice reverse DDT into a suplex and follows with the Shooting Star Press to retain the Cruiserweight title in an awesome match. 

Mark Lloyd interviews Edge. He says that he was super focused on becoming number one contender but thanks to Albert, his focus has shifted. He’ll take out his aggression that he has in store for Albert when he gets a chance. On cue, he spots Albert across the backstage area and rushes him but their short brawl is broken up by referees and officials quickly. 

Edge enters first of the main event and as he poses for the crowd, Albert comes from behind and attacks Edge, blasting him in the knee three times with a steel chair. Referees are there to stop the attack from going further but Edge is hurt badly, holding his leg. After a commercial break Edge has been helped to the back so this is now a triple threat elimination match. But we all spoke too soon as after everyone else had entered, Edge hobbled back down to the ring and refused to miss out on this opportunity even with a bad leg. They all focus on Edge but when the match breaks down there’s a flurry of finishing moves with Kurt kicking out of a Frog Splash and Benoit kicking out of a Edgecution. A Spear to Eddie leads to a Crossface and Guerrero taps out to be the first man eliminated. Edge puts up a hell of a fight on one leg. The referee is knocked down as Benoit and Angle go back and forth with their submissions. Sore loser Eddie comes back and hits Benoit with his Tag title belt which leads to a Spear and Benoit is eliminated making this a singles match between Kurt Angle and a one-legged Edge. He goes straight to the ankle lock but Edge kicks Angle off sending him out of the ring. Edge and Angle wrestle back and forth, hitting and kicking out of each other’s finishers with Edge coming extremely close after a Spear and an Edgecution DDT. The crowd is solidly behind Edge who kicks out from an Angle Slam. Edge escapes the ankle lock again and again but Kurt is like a pitbull and holds on, going back to it over and over. 

Finally with an Angle Slam off the top rope, Kurt Angle just barely wins an incredible Smackdown main event to officially become number one contender to the WWE Championship.

Kurt gets no time to celebrate and before an exhausted Angle is even able to get to his feet, Big Show rushes the ring and the WWE Champion spikes him with a massive chokeslam, standing tall over his next challenger.

Indecent Proposal

Backstage, Dawn Marie goes to see Torrie Wilson and tells her that her father isn’t the only member of her family she wants. She wants Torrie! This feels out of the blue? She says she’s been watching her since WCW and her admiration has turned into lust. She gets quite graphic describing her attraction to Torrie’s body and skin. So she’s engaged to Al Wilson just so she can get close to Torrie? She’s offended. Dawn promises that she loves her dad too but gives Torrie her hotel room key and basically implies that if Torrie goes along with what she's saying, she’ll leave her dad alone. I’m a huge fan of how obvious it is that Vince McMahon wrote this promo. No woman has ever used the word “voluptuous” but it's a word he’s used on WWE TV dozens of times during his sex pest phase. 

Smackdown doesn’t end with the awesome main event and the showdown between Big Show and Kurt Angle - it ends in Dawn Marie’s hotel room. She is waiting for Torrie with wine and lays it out for her. If she “does what she says” then the wedding is off and Smackdown ends on that cliffhanger. Is Torrie Wilson going to have sex with Dawn Marie to get her to leave her dad alone? Jesus Christ. Different times folks. Side note, if you're thinking that the "hotel room" looks suspiciously like a room they've set up somewhere in the back of the arena then ding ding ding, you win a prize.

Other Happenings

• Funaki - Smackdown’s Number One Announcer - interviews Bill Demot, a fresh face to Smackdown. He’s been wrestling on Velocity and working as a trainer on Tough Enough 3 lately. He is pissed off that after 11 years in the business and all he’s done for Tough Enough he’s been given an interviewer who barely speaks English. He says he deserves better and headbutts poor Funaki and leaves him laying.
• Bill Demot has Mark Mero’s old theme song when he enters for his match with Funaki. I’m not sure how much we’ll see of Demot on these shows but he’s most famous as the long term head trainer of WWE developmental into the late 2010s. He was eventually fired due to claims of bullying and sexual misconduct towards some of the female trainees. A nasty piece of work, but there’s sadly a lot of people on these shows who I have nothing positive to say about so I’ll just move past it and focus on what happens on these shows, not real life. Demot wins with a moonsault.

• In a hip hop challenge, John Cena (backed up by B Squared) battles Rikishi. It’s a rap battle, and is the birth of John Cena dressing like a rapper. He’s even wearing jorts! Cena’s rap is a lot better than Rikishi’s but is also more offensive as he puts on a funny voice when saying the word “retarded”. Cena even rips on Tazz a little. Rikishi’s slow rap compares Cena to Vanilla Ice and Eminem which seems like low hanging fruit to me. Cena and B Squared attack Cena and John punches Tazz for trying to help out. He pays for it when Tazz locks Cena in the Tazzmission allowing Rikishi to send B Squared packing. Rikishi wins the fight with an unlikely assist from Tazz but Cena definitely won the rap battle. Rikishi insists on Tazz staying in the ring to dance with him. 

• Crash goes one on one with Jamie Noble. His girlfriend Nidia joins commentary and they talk about Jamie’s losing streak and him potentially bringing in his cousin Nunzio to help him out. Nidia says Nunzio is bad news and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. We’ll meet him soon enough so I’ll save talking about the ECW alumni soon enough. Nidia tries to help her boyfriend but the distraction doesn’t work and Crash hits a Styles Clash - which he calls the Crash Landing - to win this match and extend poor Noble’s losing streak. After the match he is upset, near tears as he says his career is going down the drain. He tells Nidia that next week, his cousin Nunzio will be here to help them out. 

Raw - December 9th 2002

The End is Near

Raw opens with General Manager Eric Bischoff and Chief of Staff Morley in the ring. They have a big announcement and on the titantron from backstage, both World Champion Shawn Michaels and Triple H are standing by. Bischoff says that their match at Armageddon cannot just be a normal match - it’ll be two out of three falls, all with stipulations. The first fall will be a street fight, like at Summerslam and the second fall will be in a steel cage, like at Survivor Series and if it goes to a third fall it’ll be a match that Shawn made famous - the ladder match. He says that with Armageddon 6 days away, the end is near. And then the awesome End is Near song that they’ve previously used for Armageddon 2000 and Survivor Series 2001 plays. 

Jeff Hardy is interviewed by Terri. He’s facing Triple H later. She brings up him being compared to Shawn Michaels and the World Champion himself shows up. They wish each other luck in their respective matches and Jeff tells Shawn to come find him if he needs advice on ladder matches.

Triple H jumps Jeff Hardy as he makes his entrance, pulling him down off the top rope. There’s no mention of the fact that Jeff won his first singles title by beating Triple H for the Intercontinental title in May 2001. Not super relevant I guess but they’re acting like this is the biggest match of Jeff’s career so it feels dishonest not to mention it. Triple H is in phenomenal shape here but I’m distracted by how dark his tan is - he doesn’t even look caucasian anymore. Triple H counters Jeff Hardy’s hop off the ropes with a boot to the gut and a Pedigree but rather than make Jeff look even vaguely strong in defeat, he takes his time and hits a second to win the match in extremely dominant fashion. I think that puts an end to any kind of push they had in mind for Jeff Hardy. Triple H and Ric Flair proceed to attack Jeff together and are about to use a steel chair when Shawn Michaels comes out onto the stage.

He helps Jeff to the back and Ric Flair and Triple H call him down to the ring. Flair takes the mic and asks The Game to back off and let him talk and sort something out with Michaels. He talks about how he was the best wrestler in the world until Shawn Michaels came along and took that from him, and now Shawn Michaels has Triple H to take that from him. He tells HBK that he no longer has that greatness inside him, and he has to pass the torch to Triple H. Michaels doesn’t respond and quietly leaves. Triple H berates his former friend and tells him to go home and look in the mirror and realise the end is coming for him. Triple H says he’s twice as good as Shawn Michaels and he’ll force him to accept it at Armageddon. HBK doesn’t stop and just walks out of the arena, letting both Flair and Triple H’s words sink in.

Later, backstage when Shawn has had a chance to compose himself and think about what they said, he finds Ric Flair and tells him to let Triple H know that he’ll be waiting for him out in the parking lot.

Triple H and Ric Flair head out to the parking lot to see if Shawn Michaels is waiting for him. Michaels hits Triple H with a shovel and drops Flair with a Sweet Chin Music. He beats Triple H up and throws him into a dumpster and spots a ladder, climbing up onto the roof of a huge 18 wheeler truck and drops an elbow onto The Game, landing in a big dumpster full of trash bags (which look like they’re full of cut up paper, so a soft landing). Michaels closes Raw with a promo to the camera with Triple H laying behind him heavily promoting Armageddon on Sunday and promising that the Heartbreak Kid and Showstopper is alive and well and will be there on Sunday to kick Triple H’s ass. He also says “how dare you mistake my humility for weakness?” which is a good point but felt kind of weird for a pro-wrestling promo.

Tag and Women’s Championships heat up

In the opening match, Booker T and Goldust take on Lance Storm and William Regal. This match comes with a big Armageddon announcement as Jericho and Christian will defend the Tag Team titles in a four way against both of these teams and The Dudleyz. Storm and Regal isolate Goldust and focus on his lower back until he’s able to make a tag to Booker T. With him distracted by Regal on the outside, Storm locks Goldust in a sharpshooter for the submission victory to extend their winning streak - that’s 7 victories in a row for this duo! After the match, Coach asks Booker T and Goldust how they’re feeling heading into Armageddon. He says they’ve been teaming for “close to a year now” which is hilarious - it’s been five months - and they haven’t been able to win the titles. Booker T storms off and Goldust sadly calls himself the weak link and blames himself for them having not captured the titles yet. He says that he’s going to go backstage and ask Eric Bischoff to give Booker a new partner because he’s holding him back.

Later tonight, Trish Stratus and The Dudleyz face Jericho, Christian and Victoria in an intergender tables match. Trish is reading Hulk Hogan’s book - a shameless plug - when Jericho approaches, taking the book from her and saying that she can’t ignore her attraction to him. He asks if she wants an injection of vitamin C. She makes a joke about vitamin Wee (as in small, because he has a small penis). It turns nasty and he says he's going to put her through a table tonight. 

In an intergender match, Jacqueline faces Steven Richards. Before the match, Victoria gives Richards some good luck via biting his ear. Ouch.

This match also has another big Armageddon announcement. After beating Victoria last week, Jacquline along with former champ Trish Stratus will face Victoria in a triple threat match for the women’s title. Jackie has had lots of matches with men by now but gets dominated by the bigger, stronger Richards. Jackie gets a near fall with a tornado DDT but Richards uses his new underhook DDT to put down Jackie and then after the three count, Victoria runs down and gives her the Widow’s Peak for good measure. She is attacked by her other challenger on Sunday, Trish Stratus who sends her running after a Chick Kick and helps Jackie to her feet but she doesn’t want Trish’s help - it’ll be every woman for themselves at Armageddon.

Outside Eric Bischoff’s office, Goldust is about to tell him Booker T needs a new partner. Booker T stops him - he wanted him to be his partner so bad and he finally won Booker over. He’s the best tag team partner he ever had and a damn good friend and he fires Goldust up and tells him that he needs to come to Armageddon and win the Tag Team titles with him! They do each other’s catchphrases (can you dig that suckah, and Goldust’s weird breathing thing respectively)

In a champions vs. challengers six person tables match, World Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho and Christian along with the WWE Women’s Champion Victoria take on The Dudley Boyz and Trish Stratus. Before the match, Victoria tells Jericho and Christian that NO ONE puts Trish through a table but her.

JR specifies that the rules in this match is that only one person has to go through a table to end this match in victory for the other team. Bubba doesn’t hesitate in laying into Victoria just the same as he does to Christian and Jericho and weirdly the man on women violence gets no reaction from the crowd, even when he and Bubba give her a Wazzup. They repeat it with Trish, with her landing on Jericho and then retrieve the tables. The match becomes chaos when after The Dudleyz try to put Victoria through a table, Steven Richards runs down to save her (Bubba drops her realy hard on the back of her head which made me wince) and then Spike Dudley runs down to stop him. Lance Storm and William Regal, followed by Booker T and Goldust all get involved too ahead of the four way tag team title match at Armageddon and it’s a crazy brawl! Booker stops Jericho from putting Trish through a table, who is taken out by Lance Storm, who in turn takes a 3D from The Dudleyz. With all the outside elements out of the way, D-Von and Bubba help Trish drive Victoria through a table with a powerbomb off the top rope! Trish and The Dudleyz win and Victoria takes a BEATING in this match. That table spot was brutal looking, especially for the women. Great stuff.

Other Happenings

• Stacy Keibler’s marketing genius continues as she shows off some Test Christmas balls to be hung on a Christmas tree. I have lots of thoughts on Stacy’s Christmas outfit but I’ll keep them to myself. Her and Test make out again. 
• The early Christmas celebration continues with Randy Orton at the New York stock exchange, meeting and greeting mostly women and encouraging everyone to keep sending their get well soon wishes to his special email address. 

• For the past few weeks they’ve been promoting the 10th anniversary of Raw in January, with classic Raw moments. I’ve not mentioned them because it’s mostly the segments you’d expect and the vast majority are moments I’ve covered on this website like The Rock and Mankind’s This is your Life, or Austin and the cement truck. This week, the classic moment was Stone Cold’s confrontation with Mike Tyson in 1998, and JR and King show off the special 10th anniversary editions of Raw magazine with collectable commemorative covers. I had the Austin and McMahon one. I’ll talk about that more in the next Preview as there was a TV special which I had on DVD back in the day. I’m not reviewing it but I’ll mention it! 

• Rob Van Dam takes on Batista, who has Ric Flair with him again. It seems The Nature Boy is officially the big man’s manager now. I remember watching at the time being curious about what this all meant for Triple H who also always has Flair in his corner. It won’t be long before we find out. Flair helps Batista with distractions and as he sets up a Batista Bomb, Kane runs down to make the save, causing a disqualification. He and RVD fight off Batista and Flair. After the commercial break, Kane gets backstage and runs into an angry Chief Morley, who is upset Kane interfered in that match. Kane mocks him and does the old Val Venis “hello ladies” taunt so Morley books Kane in a handicap match against 3-Minute Warning later. Kane says it sucks to be them.

• Rico enters after Kane and keeps him distracted so that Rosey and Jamal can attack the big red machine from behind, coming through the crowd. Kane fights them both off single handedly for a while and with a chokeslam on Jamal, wins this two on one handicap match. Rico attacks and with a three on one advantage they put Kane down with a big Samoan drop and then a 350lbs splash off the top rope. They get a steel chair and want to keep the attack going but Rob Van Dam returns the favour from earlier, running down and helping out Kane with a bunch of heel kicks. Kane gets back on his feet and hammers Jamal with an almighty chairshot to the head. Brutal. They aren’t done and Kane positions him in the corner and holds the chair for a coast to coast dropkick off the top rope - a Vanterminator by Rob Van Dam. There’s a good look of the massive dent in the steel chair from Kane swinging it into Jamal’s head. Ouch.

• In Eric Bischoff’s office, RVD is on the phone with his feet up. Bischoff and Chief Morley are outraged and hang the phone up and tell him off - they’re waiting on a call from Scott Steiner. Bischoff tells him to go get ready for his match with Batista, which RVD has no problem with. The phone call was with Scott Steiner and Eric and Morley frantically tried to get him back on the phone. 
• An odd couple tag team of D’Lo Brown and Christopher Nowinski take on Maven and Al Snow. This is a rematch from last night on Sunday Night Heat and thanks to a little cheating, Nowinski and Brown won which seems to be enough to convince D’Lo he’s better off being tag partners with Chris. It’s a back and forth match with D’Lo wins for his team with a Sky High on Al Snow! When was the last time D’Lo Brown won two matches in a row? 

Smackdown - December 12th 2002

Odd Couple Tag Team

Back in Stephanie McMahon’s office, Paul Heyman and Big Show scream at her about Brock Lesnar’s suspension. He said last week he’d be at Armageddon and they want him banned. She says that Lesnar has done everything she asked of him and so his suspension is lifted as of Armageddon and he is entitled to be there. 

After a video package about Rey Mysterio’s knee injury and surgery (he needed the surgery, the attack by Albert was to write him off TV to get it done) there’s an interview with Edge. It’s the TV debut of Josh Matthews, the interviewer. It’s cut off quickly by Kurt Angle who is teaming with his former rival Edge tonight in the main event. He promises he’ll have Edge’s back tonight, just like Brock Lesnar will have his at Armageddon. What is Kurt talking about? Well earlier today, Kurt Angle showed up at a Brock Lesnar autograph signing and asked for his autograph and indirectly asked him to help him out against their mutual enemy, Big Show at the PPV. So now that Brock’s suspension is lifted, the big question is whether he’ll be in Kurt’s corner and help him out on Sunday.

Their opponents in the main event tonight are their respective PPV opponents, WWE Champion Big Show and Albert who has, since last week on Smackdown, renamed himself A-Train. Michael Cole keeps calling him The A-Train. I don’t know which is better, I think it's kind of a lame name.

A-Train has new theme music to match his new attitude and name change. It has a choo-choo train at the start of it, and the ring announcer calls him The A-Train too so I guess we’re keeping the “The”. The big story of this match is whether Edge and Angle can get along given their history but with Edge focused on revenge on A-Train and Kurt being hyper focused on the WWE Championship and his match with Big Show, they have bigger fish to fry. Kurt is still technically a heel but the fans have been cheering for him a lot lately so he effortlessly plays a babyface here and I’m sure will against Big Show at Armageddon too. I’ll tell you what, if you took a shot every time someone says “A-Train” during this match you’d be dead of alcohol poisoning in no time. They need to make sure everyone is up to speed with that name change.

Edge is worked over for a long time and even after he makes a tag to Kurt Angle, A-Train hits him in the knee again with a steel chair, taking him out and leaving the Olympian in a handicap situation. Kurt fires up and takes down the massive A-Train with an Angle Slam and then in a feat of strength, the even more massive WWE Champion with one too but Paul Heyman distracts him from going for the cover and it allows Big Show to recover and put down his challenger with a huge chokeslam. Show and Heyman stand watch as they encourage A-Train to drill Kurt with his own over the shoulder backbreaker. Smackdown ends with the WWE Champion and his new little entourage of Paul Heyman and A-Train standing over the fallen number one contender. 

Steiner Makes his Choice

Big Poppa Pump Scott Steiner arrives in a limo and Stephanie McMahon heads down to the ring. She has promised that he’s about to sign with Smackdown and looks very pleased with herself about it. Steiner is about to sign but then stops himself - he says that last week, Stephanie McMahon made some very suggestive promises but then when they got into the limo and drove off, no one knows what happened next. What happened next was - nothing. She didn’t scream boom shaka laka or howl at the moon, apparently. He says that she broke her promises but he can see in her eyes that she has the need and the hunger to be with a real man.

She laughs it all off but then stops and says that this isn’t the time or the place for this kind of talk. She calls her promises to him a signing bonus and he has to sign up first. He dips her onto the table and kind of forces himself on her a little so she’s forced to tell him no and to get off of her. She makes it clear that she’s not going to ACTUALLY sleep with him just to get him to join Smackdown. The crowd chants “slut” at her, which is very 2001 guys. He calls her a tease and then asks the crowd if he can trust her - they boo and shout no, so he doesn’t sign with Smackdown afterall. Scott Steiner chooses Raw, and leaves the ring where Eric Bischoff is waiting at the top of the ramp. That makes it official. Scott Steiner is on Raw.

Is the Wedding Off? 

Backstage, Torrie Wilson arrives at the arena and has lots of men giggling and refusing to make eye contact. She gets to Jan the makeup lady who says Dawn Marie is spreading all kinds of rumours over what happened in the hotel room last week during their indecent proposal.

Later, Torrie goes to see Dawn and tells her that what happened in that hotel room is personal and no one else’s business. Dawn strips to her underwear in front of her and asks how she can speak to her that way after what they shared. She says there are no rumors and everything she said is true. She tells Dawn that she better do what she promised and break up with her father. More evidence that Vince McMahon is writing all of this as they both say Indecent Proposal, something else only he would say.

Dawn Marie heads down to the ring and calls her fiance Al Wilson down to the ring. She tells him that she missed him so much last week that that’s the reason she spent the night with Torrie - because she reminds Dawn so much of him. She asks Al to think about whether he’ll ever find another woman who makes him feel like she does. Al Wilson continues to be the worst actor in the world and amazingly says he’ll still marry Dawn despite her having shagged his own daughter. If you’re thinking that none of this makes sense, you’re right. Torrie Wilson runs down and attacks Dawn Marie, beating the hell out of her. Al tries to separate them and so she shoves her own dad down on this ass. Finally referees are able to drag Torrie off of Dawn so she can escape. She screams that at Armageddon, she’ll show the whole world what Torrie is by showing her the footage from inside their hotel room last week. She calls Torrie a sexual predator and has apparently convinced Al that his daughter is the one who seduced her despite their conversations all being on TV for him to review. Unsurprisingly, I HATE this entire storyline and it just seems to keep on going. 

Other Happenings

• Smackdown opens with Rikishi taking on B Squared, who Michael Cole and Tazz have decided is now known as B2, presumably because most Americans don’t know what squared means. John Cena is at ringside and has achieved his final form, now dressed in his familiar doctor of thuganomics outfit complete with jorts. Cena hits Rikishi with a steel chain wrapped around his fist to give B2 the victory.
• In a rematch from last week, Jamie Noble takes on Crash. Noble says that Crash can’t beat him two weeks in a row and maybe he’ll finally snap his losing streak after promising his cousin Nunzio would be here this week. A skinny Italian guy in a white tracksuit runs down and attacks Crash, causing a disqualification. This is the infamous cousin Nunzio - he’s an ECW alumni and was part of the FBI stable (Full Blooded Italians) and is a decent wrestler but doesn’t look like a main eventer. He’s a decent addition to the cruiserweight division and as Noble and Nunzio embrace, Nidia looks on disapprovingly. Why does she not like him? All she’s said previously is that he’s crazy.

• Bill Demot takes on Shannon Moore. He had a little promo backstage where he said he enjoys hurting people. Michael Cole and Tazz highlight that he only likes to beat up cruiserweights and people half his size. He’s a bully and he has no problem beating up and defeating little Shannon Moor here. 
• Eddie and Chavo Guerrero defend the WWE Tag Team titles against an odd makeshift team of Cruiserweight Champion Billy Kidman and Chris Benoit. Benoit has a strong focus on Eddie as he cost him a shot to become WWE Champion last week in that four way, and they now have a singles match at Armageddon. I’ll talk more about their feud at the PPV itself. Despite how random this match is on paper, it turned out to be really good as Benoit has the match won with a Crossface on Eddie but the referee misses the tap out and it continues. Eddie rolls out of the way of a Kidman shooting star press and pins him with his feet on the ropes to retain the Tag Team titles. 

The Raw side of the card for the end of the world is a lot more focused than the Smackdown side. A couple of odd singles matches which came together at the last minute and a main event which is technically heel vs. heel leaves Smackdown seeming kind of off at the moment, treating water. They don’t even seem to be able to decide if Stephanie is a good guy or a bad guy. The Raw side of the card more than makes up for it though.