Raw is War - January 3rd, 2000

Triple H’s New Year Resolution

The first Raw of the new Millenium feels grand! They’re in a brand new arena, in The Rock’s hometown of Miami and the crowd is enormous and excited. The Rock opens the show and gets a deafening reaction. JR promotes The Rock’s new book which is about to come out - that’s a terrible pile of crap. It’s written almost entirely in character and is neither interesting nor funny. Rocky looks pretty silly, wearing a cheetah print, suede looking jacket over his polo shirt. Maybe it was cool in 2000? The People don’t seem to mind. The Rock talks to his people but wants to talk about Mick Foley - it is a load of monkey crap that he was forced out. After the whole Rock n’ Sock period of their careers, it's genuinely heart warming to have Rocky admit he respects and even likes Mick Foley enough to stick up for him! He says that his new year’s resolution is to become WWF Champion but first calls out Triple H, who comes out onto the stage with his wife Stephanie McMahon. She has transformed her whole look since turning heel and with each passing show is wearing more makeup, doing her hair different and wearing more leather. Triple H makes fun of The Rock’s jacket before he says anything else - I TOLD you it was a silly jacket.

The Rock wants to fight Triple H tonight, but Triple H says he has bigger fish to fry. Beating The Rock doesn’t do anything for him, and that his new year’s resolution is also to become the WWF Champion. He says his will come true tonight though, as he will face The Big Show for the title. Triple H says that he’s happy to give The Rock a chance to make history tonight and he can compete in another “first ever” match after the “pink slip on a pole” match last week. It’ll be the first ever “handicap, you’re fired” match. It means that The Rock will be in a handicap match and if he doesn’t win then he’s fired. There’s a bit more funny back and forth before Triple H sends The Rock’s opponents down to give him a preview as X-Pac, Roaddogg and Mr. Ass swarmed him and beat him down in the ring. 

The Big Show defends the WWF Championship against Triple H and fittingly given the rest of Show’s reign, the match is midway through the show and isn’t even the main event. The Big Show’s run as champion has been a disappointment - he’s performed well but has never been the focus, cut no promos and even his very entertaining feud with the Bossman got LESS interesting after he won the title. Triple H has his wife and the rest of DX with him, but asks them all to stay at the top of the ramp so he can “do this fair and square”. This is a really good match where they fight around the ring and into the crowd, around the announce table and back inside. The Big Show has the match won with an awesome chokeslam but Triple H gets his foot on the ropes. With The Game in trouble, DX starts getting closer to the ring. X-Pac distracts the referee so Triple H can use a low blow and a Pedigree and just like that, Triple H is a three time WWF Champion. DX and Stephanie rush the ring and they group hug, with pyro above the ring in celebration. Green and black balloons fall from the roof as a ton more pyro goes off. It’s a really over the top celebration set up by the McMahon-Helmsley era. 

The Big Show is shown leaving the arena, I guess he didn’t want to stick around and help out The Rock to stick it to DX?

As The Rock preps for his handicap “You’re fired” match later, Pat Patterson and Gerry Brisco sadly talk about how much they’ll miss him when he’s fired. The Rock fires up. They don’t need to miss him because he’s not going anywhere. Elsewhere, Triple H encourages DX to just beat him and get him fired but X-Pac and Mr. Ass say they want to make him suffer first. There’s a knock at the door and The Rock explodes into the room, assaulting Billy Gunn and Roaddogg before escaping.

Triple H comes out first with Stephanie McMahon - title belt and bottle of champagne in his hand. They’re going to stay up on the ramp and watch X-Pac, Roaddogg and Mr. Ass’s three on one handicap match with The Rock. They’ve reminded us all night that we are in The Rock’s hometown, and that if The Rock doesn’t win this then he is fired. Triple H makes the match a no disqualification match just before it starts and The Rock does his best to fight back but DX don’t have to tag in and out so he has no chance.

Despite the overwhelming odds and time pressure, The Rock still takes the time to pose and taunt before delivering a People’s Elbow on Roaddogg! He’s a main eventer so he does a pretty good job of holding up his end and fighting back. Roaddogg goes to get a steel chair as Billy and X-Pac hold The Rock but Mick Foley jumps the barricade and charges Roaddogg, taking the chair and knocking out X-Pac and Mr. Ass! Triple H rushes the ring and he takes a chair to the face too, and Foley escapes through the crowd. The Rock drops Billy with a Rock Bottom and covers to win this three on one handicap match, with a little help from Mankind! Triple H regained the WWF title tonight but the show ends with the McMahon-Helmsley regime seething as The Rock keeps his job. 

Have a Bad Day

Howard Finkle gives a big build up to D-Generation X’s “epic film”, called Have a Bad Day. Triple H in a wig and a fake nose plays a man at the employment office and a fake Mankind (played by Mideon who does a really good Mick Foley impression to be fair) goes to see him. He’s berated and told that he’s a muppet and a clown who makes stupid jokes and isn’t hardcore anymore. The McMahon-Helmsleys continue to humiliate Mick Foley. There’s a second one later where Fake Mankind goes to a children’s hospital and does charity work. Triple H in a wig and glasses with stereotypical Asian-eyes on them works as the receptionist. He does a super racist accent and says he’s Doctor Hung-Lo. Doesn’t explain why a doctor is working on reception though. He then does some more super racist karate noises and threatens him. In the third segment like this, Fake Mankind sits at an autograph signing for Foley’s book. There’s no “fans” to see “Mankind”. Triple H this time plays the bookstore owner who says that it’s been four hours and no one has come to see him. These segments all make one thing very clear - Triple H is absolutely horrific at accents at best, and straight up racist at worst. 

Co-Champions

Stephanie McMahon comes out to the ring with multiple referees, one of them carrying the Intercontinental title belt. Chris Jericho and Chyna’s title match on Smackdown ended in a draw after a weird double pin with two referees counting down both sets of shoulders. The fans chant “slut” at Steph again. After a bit of chat with the referees, she brings Chyna (and her “slave” the women’s champion The Kat) and then Chris Jericho down to the ring. Y2J makes them all wait and does his full entrance. Technically if the match was a draw, the champion retains. Stephanie doesn’t do that though and her decision is that they will be co-champions. They will both share the title of Intercontinental Champion and if either of them loses a title match, they both lose the title. She sarcastically suggests they learn to get along as the two protest. Stephanie hasn’t quite found her niche as a performer as she talks to the camera and the live crowd with her back to the people in the ring she’s actually speaking to. Hardcore Holly comes out and says he doesn’t care who the champion is, he wants a title shot. Chyna is the only one dressed to wrestle so the match is with her, and Y2J joins commentary. He hates the decision and makes fun of Stephanie’s hair - the start of a long rivalry between Y2J and Steph. Jericho is definitely a babyface now, angrily calling Triple H and Stephanie both jackasses. He cheers on Chyna - selfishly - because if she loses the title then so does he. Kat distracts the referee and Y2J gets in a cheap shot on Holly which lets Chyna win, and then Jericho grabs the title belt and leaves with it. After the match, Crash Holly makes fun of Hardcore for losing so he boots his cousin in the face and Hardcore and Crash fight off through the crowd with each other.

Other Happenings

• Grandmaster Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty, with Riksihi, face The Dudley Boyz in the opening match. I mentioned it on Smackdown too but Bubba and D-Von have fully embraced their much more famous and well known army camo gear and look pretty awesome. Much nicer than the tye-dye that they were wearing. Before the match begins, Rodney, Pete Gas and Joey Abs, the Mean Street Posse, come out onto the ramp to watch. JR makes a homophobic joke about them. The Acolytes come out and chase the Posse down to the ring, around it and then out of the arena. The Dudleyz pretty much have the match won legit, but then Rikishi gets in and superkicks Bubba to cause a disqualification. He gives a Rikishi-Driver to D-Von and then Too Cool and the big man dance. 

• Backstage, Michael Cole interviews Bradshaw and Faarooq who are fired up and say that they could demolish all three members of the Posse with one hand tied behind their back. Elsewhere, the McMahon-Helmsleys take this literally and book that later tonight - a three on two match with the Posse vs. The Acolytes, who’ll have one hand tied behind their back. In the same office segment, Triple H calls in Steve Blackman and tells him that if he hits Kane with his kendo stick tonight, he’s fired. He says his other New Year’s Resolution is to end Angle’s undefeated streak so tonight he’ll face Kane.
• In the arena, Kane enters with Tori. JR and King recap her rather suspect behaviour since her Christmas with X-Pac. She had a lovely time with Pac apparently, but since then keeps accusing different people of being inappropriate to her which in turn sends Kane into a frenzy. It’s worked out well for X-Pac who has escaped having to fight Kane twice now when he went after Test and The Rock instead, at Tori’s urging. Before this match, Kurt Angle says that he has an advantage and that he is still the heavy favourite. He insults Kane for being “a 300lbs bag of muscle” and that he lacks Integrity (because of the mask) and Intelligence (because he can’t speak). Kane does have Intensity, but Kurt has all three Is! I love Kurt Angle. Kurt puts up a good fight but it's not enough and Kane connects with the flying clothesline, then a chokeslam and sets up a Tombstone. Blackman comes down to the ring and hits Kurt Angle with his kendo stick! So he obeyed Triple H’s rules and didn’t hit Kane, but Angle wins by disqualification! Still undefeated. 

• Triple H calls The Big Bossman (who’s still Hardcore Champion) and Prince Albert into the office and says that it wasn’t “fair” when they beat Test in a handicap match last week so tonight when they face Test he will have “partners”. 
• Test entered first for his handicap match with Bossman and Albert. It’s supposed to be three on two, but Test’s partners enter last - it's the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young. They do at least have Mark Henry and Harvey Whippleman with them too. With Test’s help, Mae gives Bossman a Bronco Buster. It doesn't make a difference and with the odds still being two on one, Bossman hits Test with his nightstick and the bad guys win. Prince Albert is jumped by Mark Henry for beating up his girlfriend Mae Young and he and Test clear the ring. 
• Bradshaw and Faarooq enter, both with one hand tied behind their backs. The Mean Street Posse jump them from behind to start the three on two match, but The Acolytes can still handle themselves. It’s not enough when Bubba Ray and D-Von run in and with a pair of brutal chairshots from Bubba, the five men beat up the two. This is clearly Triple H and Stephanie trying to take out Bradshaw and Faarooq before they challenge the Outlaws at the Royal Rumble. The Posse even take their belts off and whip Bradshaw and Faarooq. 
• Jeff Hardy faces Al Snow in a steel cage match. Matt Hardy is still on the injury list after his cheek got broken a few weeks ago. Al attacks Matt before the match and actually stuffs Terri into the cage before locking the door. She has to stand in the ring and watch Al Snow and Jeff wrestle up close. He also has a chair in the ring and seems hell bent on injuring Jeff Hardy. He is unhinged. He suplexes Jeff from the top of the cage and then hammers him with the chair. He’s a maniac! In the end, Jeff manages to get a boost off of Al Snow and basically flips over the cage to the floor and wins the match! That leaves Terri inside with Al and he threatens to attack her but Matt Hardy manages to get inside and use the steel chair to shut down Snow and save her. 

Smackdown! - January 6th, 2000

All of DX in action

After a recap of Triple H’s regaining the WWF title on Raw, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley and Triple H express their displeasure with the rest of DX - they couldn’t beat The Rock three on one. X-Pac has to redeem himself against The Big Show, Mr. Ass has to face both Acolytes in a handicap match, and Roaddogg’s match will be a surprise. Triple H will defend the WWF Championship against someone picked via “random lottery” to “show how fair he is” but you know the person the “random” lottery picks will be an easy win for him. 

The opening match is The Big Show vs. X-Pac. The Big Show quickly gets himself disqualified, beating X-Pac down in the corner and shoving the referee when he tries to stop him. Show drops the referee with a chokeslam. X-Pac hits him in the back with a chair which he no-sells and then punches back into Pac’s face. More referees come out to stop him but run away when he bellows at them.

The Acolytes enter first for their handicap match against Mr. Ass. Bradshaw and Faarooq are set to challenge Mr. Ass and Roaddogg for the tag team titles at the Royal Rumble. Weirdly, neither Billy nor Roaddogg have had their tag team title belts with them for a few shows now. They haven’t actually interacted since The Acolytes became number one contenders either, but the McMahon-Helmsleys have been trying to take out various babyface tag teams on The New Age Outlaws’ behalf. Roaddogg runs in and helps Mr. Ass escape relatively unscathed.

Tori goes to see Stephanie McMahon and asks to use the bathroom in their office. Despite all the previous issues, Tori seems to be quite friendly with Steph these days after spending Christmas with X-Pac. Steph “accidentally” sends Roaddogg into the bathroom to walk in on Tori. So it seems that Roaddogg’s punishment will be to face an angry Kane. 

When he gets to the back after saving Billy, he’s told that he has to face Kane - he’d burst into the McMahon-Helmsley office and demand a match with “that pervert” Roaddogg. That match is next and Kane easily and quickly dominates Roaddogg. Kane hits a flying clothesline and while Billy Gunn was banned from getting involved in this match, X-Pac was not. He comes out and distracts Kane, getting him to chase him, and Roaddogg follows with a low blow and a DDT on the entrance ramp. Back in the ring, Roaddogg now has a big advantage but it's not enough and Kane plants him with a chokeslam and then a Tombstone to win the match. 

Stephanie has the entire WWF roster assembled for the live lottery draw for Triple H’s challenger tonight. She promos for a bit and talks about Triple H’s honour and dignity. It should go without saying that this is about the 30th time we’ve seen Stephanie tonight as, much like every show since Armageddon, we have cut backstage to Triple H and Steph sitting on a sofa watching the show and commenting on every single segment and match, sometimes during the matches in fact. I didn’t feel the need to mention them as they are mostly pretty pointless and don’t add anything. Triple H enters and explains what a lottery is before they finally draw a name randomly out of a big golden tumbler. It’s Andre the Giant. Triple H implies someone else in the room was messing with him and they draw another - Triple H seems to think this one is a joke too. It’s the Fabulous Moolah. He wants a more “serious” challenger. He says that to show it's all legit, they’ll let Howard Finkle draw a name but when he stands up, Triple H trips him and he knocks over the tumbler, sending the balls all over the floor. He still picks one - it’s Rikishi! Triple H can’t believe it and takes it off him to check. It seems like Howard has blown whatever little scheme they had going.

The main event is Triple H defending the WWF Championship against Rikishi, who has quickly become one of the more popular characters in the company. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley joins commentary for this match and shows great concern as the challenger dominates Triple H! DX is showing smirking about it backstage - seems like they’re maybe a little sick of Triple H throwing his weight around. Rikishi gets multiple really close near falls with the closest being off a Banzai drop in the corner! The fans exploded for that one - he kicked out micro-seconds before the three and even I thought it was over! He sets up the Rikishi-driver but Triple H slides out of the back and goes for a Pedigree. That’s countered and Rikishi gets another super close fall with a superkick to the jaw. The fans are desperate to see Triple H lose this. Stephanie finally leaves the desk and slides a steel chair to The Game before circling around the ring and distracting the referee. One brutal chairshot to the head later and Triple H looks to have the title retained by Rikishi kicks out! The Game flips out at the referee and asks Steph to get him the title belt. He clobbers the challenger in the head right in front of the referee and that causes the disqualification. Rikishi wins the match but not the title. Rikishi won’t stay down so a frustrated Triple H hammers him with a steel chair some more. Rikishi STILL keeps getting back up and as King and Cole talk about how tough Rikishi is, Triple H and Stephanie just leave. Too Cool comes out and the three of them dance in the ring to close the show. 

Kurt Angle stays undefeated

Tonight’s attempt by Triple H to end Kurt Angle’s undefeated streak has him facing The Rock. He has a funny promo about Triple H sending “every member of the roody poo crew” at him on Raw but he still won. Kurt Angle says that he is the true People’s Champion, and that the people should cheer for him. That riles up The Rock, who asks for the mic back and tells Kurt Angle what he should do with his gold medals (shine them up, turn ‘em sideways…) The action in this one is very fast and very smooth - Angle is really, really good already. The fans give him loud “asshole” chants and he’s gotten really over with the live crowds too. Steve Blackman once again comes to the ring with his kendo stick but The Rock catches him and takes the stick, blasting Steve in the ribs with it. He uses it on Kurt Angle too right in front of the referee and Kurt Angle wins again. Still undefeated. A frustrated Rock plants Steve Blackman with a Rock Bottom. Kurt Angle celebrates in the ring like this was a huge, impressive victory which angers The Rock. He goes back to the ring and with a spine buster and a People’s Elbow, puts the Olympian in his place. 

Mick Foley takes offence

The Fake Mankind, the same one who was in all the “Have a bad day” skits on Raw, is touring Universal Studios and scaring children. There’s a few of these skirts with him being afraid of the fake shark on the Jaws ride, and being ejected from the park by security for trying to get onto rides that are closed. It’s also shown multiple times throughout the show that the McMahon-Helmsleys have all the arena entrances and exits under guard by security in case the real Mankind shows up again. There’s about six of these until he finally runs into the real Mankind and Mick Foley beats the hell out of him in the Universal Studios parking lot. He stuffs him into a metal bin and slams the lid on his head. Credit to Mick Foley for being fully dressed up as Mankind for this. 

Other Happenings

• Chris Jericho and Chyna - the Co-Intercontinental Champions - take on Hardcore and Crash Holly. The champions bicker backstage on their way to the ring, while women’s champion The Kat tells them to get it together. Jericho is the one with the title belt tonight after he took it on Raw. After Chyna refuses to tag in, Jericho is easily overwhelmed by the two on one odds and pinned by Hardcore Holly. Chyna takes the title belt and leaves with it. 

• Edge and Christian team with Jeff Hardy in a six man tag team match. Matt Hardy (who’s still injured) and Terri Runnels come to ringside with Jeff. Their opponents are Al Snow and The Dudley Boyz. The match is over pretty fast as Al Snow focuses on trying to beat up Jeff Hardy. He’s easily pinned by Edge and then after the babyfaces leave, he hits D-Von and Bubba Ray with Head for being “bad partners”.
• Test, who still has a broken nose and who has been beaten silly by The Big Bossman and Prince Albert twice now, faces the Bossman in a singles match which for some reason isn’t for the Hardcore title. Stephanie continues to vindictively punish Test for…loving her, I guess? She’s working hard to make sure everyone hates her as much as they hate Triple H. Test is still very popular with the female fans in the crowd based on the squeals for him. Albert tries to help out his buddy Bossman again but Test avoids a scissors kick which hits the Hardcore champion instead, and Test picks up the win. Bossman and Albert have angry words with each other after the match.
• The Mean Street Posse face Taka Michinoku and Funaki, Kaientai. This is apparently the Posse being “rewarded” for taking out the Acolytes on Raw. Taka is awesome and moonsaults out onto all three Posse members. Officially it’s a three on two handicap match. King is very racist throughout this match, relentlessly referring to Kaientai as being Chinese no matter how many times Michael Cole corrects him. After a missile dropkick and a roll up on Rodney, Kaientai wins.

Raw is War - January 10th, 2000

Rock n’ Sock leads the Revolution

As King and JR do their normal opening of the show spiel, the entire WWF roster walks to the ring. The ENTIRE roster (minus D-Generation X) - faces, heels, wrestlers, non-wrestlers, main eventers and jobbers, men and women. Everyone apart from The Rock, who’s music hits and he enters last. DX are shown all sitting together watching in the back with no idea what’s going on. The Rock says that he has been asked by the roster to be their spokesman “as unaccustomed to public speaking as he is” and demands that Triple H and Stephanie bring their candy asses out to the arena. DX refuses to go with them. “He didn’t call US out”.

The Rock tells Stephanie to know her role and shut her mouth. He wants to talk about Mick Foley, who is out in the parking lot waiting. They will meet The Rock and the rest of the roster’s demands, or every WWF Superstar is ready to walk out on the McMahon-Helmsleys. Demand number one is pretty simple - Mankind will be reinstated right now. Triple H and Steph discuss it, and then agree. But not because HE said so - they were going to bring him back anyway, apparently. The second demand - there will be no more matches with “you’re fired” stipulations. Triple H doesn’t get much of a chance to speak as Mankind’s music hits and Mick Foley comes through the crowd and gets into the ring, excitedly embracing The Rock. The fans are happy to have him back. Mankind thanks The Rock for sticking his neck out for him, and also for the nice things he said about Mick in his own book. He then issues a challenge to Triple H for a WWF title match at the Royal Rumble (with stipulations to be named later) and Triple H accepts. The Rock stops Mankind before finishing off his promo and says that since the WWF title match is locked up, he’ll include himself in another match that night - he will be the first man to officially declare his entry to the Royal Rumble match. That’s literally the first time they’ve mentioned it. He awkwardly talks about how he’s going to win the Rumble and runs down the other 29 entrants…as they stand around the ring. The final demands are all for tonight - firstly, let’s see who the toughest member of the Tag Team Champions is, Outlaw vs. Outlaw tonight. Mankind reminds us all that Triple H said X-Pac was just as good as him on Smackdown so let's find that out too - X-Pac vs. Triple H tonight! X-Pac looks suspiciously happy with that. Steph accepts. They try to leave but The Rock is not done. He says that if they make it through the night it’ll be the whole of DX against The Acolytes. Triple H cockily accepts but The Rock is not done. Bradshaw and Faarooq will have partners. The Rock n’ Sock Connection. If ya smell…. to end one of the most fun segments in the past month. It was nice to finally see McMahon-Helmsley come up on the losing end of an exchange.

After the commercial break, the rest of DX yells at Triple H for so easily giving in to the demands! JR confirmed that The Rock and Mankind have put up a sign up sheet so that the rest of the roster can make their own matches tonight too.

Roaddogg and Mr. Ass enter separately (neither with their tag team title belts) for their singles match. Everyone is acting like these two have never wrestled before despite their big break up and multiple matches against each other earlier in the year. The finish comes when Mr. Ass misses a Fameasser and Roaddogg wins with a roll up! After the match, Roaddogg offers his partner a handshake who rejects it and leaves in frustration.

Roaddogg, Mr. Ass and X-Pac all argue backstage. Billy says Roaddogg got “extremely lucky” when he beat him earlier. 

Before their match, X-Pac reminds Triple H that he said he was just as good as him. People might be into X-Pac’s rise to main eventer if he wasn’t such a deeply unlikeable person since turning on Kane. This is a good but short match, and after a trip from Stephanie McMahon, Triple H wins with the Pedigree. X-Pac is furious at them for cheating so that’s another big rupture in D-Generation X.

After the match, X-Pac and The Outlaws discuss Triple H and Stephanie - The Game has gone power mad, and he’s letting Stephanie run the show! 

For the main event, D-Generation X enter together to the DX theme song, but walk down the ramp very far apart. They all have issues tonight and it seems that they all dislike Stephanie! Bradshaw and Faarooq enter next followed by Mankind and finally, The Rock. Triple H avoids tagging in for as long as he can while the babyfaces beat down the tired DX. Once he does tag in, the rest of DX refuses to tag him and actually leave the WWF Champion high and dry. The Rock and The Acolytes chase off after X-Pac and The Outlaws leading this as a one on one match between Mankind and Triple H, who will face each other for the WWF title at the Royal Rumble. Mick tries to put the Mandible Claw on Stephanie but that distraction backfires and The Game takes over and clocks Mankind in the head with the ring bell - it really does produce a disgusting clonk noise too - and sends him up and over the announce table.

Triple H drives a bleeding Mankind through the announce table with a Pedigree, and then gives him another in the ring to pin him and officially win this eight man tag team match for D-Generation X. The Pedigree through the table really did look amazing. This night looked so bad for The McMahon-Helmsley regime but in the end, Triple H proves himself to be as good as he says. He continues the beating on a bloody Mankind after the match but Mick does fight back, ditching the Mankind mask and with blood running down his face and staining his white shirt, throws Triple H out of the ring! He hits him with the ring steps right in the head and then hits him with pieces of the collapsed announce table! The wild brawl ends with a bloody Foley in the ring, and Triple H being helped up the ramp by Stephanie. Triple H sells it really big, looking like he’s seen a ghost and can’t believe Mankind got back up after the wicked beating he gave him to win the match. A so-so match but a great closing stretch and after match brawl. 

Co-Champions can’t Co-Exist

Chris Jericho tries to convince Chyna to sign them up for a match tonight on Raw on the signup sheet. He’s trying his best to make this partnership work - he wants a rematch with the Hollys.

The Co-Intercontinental Champions Chris Jericho and Chyna enter separately. Before the match, Y2J once again says they need to work as a team but then points out that even though Chyna had the title belt tonight it was still him who got the bigger cheer. Which is true. Much like Chyna did to him on Smackdown, Y2J bails on the match and takes the Intercontinental title belt with him which leaves Chyna to be beaten by Hardcore Holly. He’s now pinned both co-champions in the past four days.

Mankind tortures Fake Mankind

Backstage, Mankind has the Fake Mankind tied to an office chair. He screams in his face to tell him a joke now! They cut back to them multiple times as Mankind makes fun of Fake Mankind and demands he laugh at their jokes.

Mick Foley, after untying the Fake Mankind, makes some aggressively suggestive comments to Tori and even gives her a slap on the ass, who in turn gets Kane. Kane then goes and beats the life out of Fake Mankind believing him to be the guilty party. Mick’s final revenge on Fake Mankind. It’s Mideon, by the way. They don’t acknowledge that.

Other Happenings

• Kurt Angle and Steve Blackman enter for a tag team match (Kurt makes some local sports team jokes that I don’t get on his way to the ring). Their match is with Matt and Jeff Hardy. This is Matt’s first match since his cheek injury. This match is the one The Hardy Boyz wanted. You think they’d have wanted a handicap match with Al Snow given their recent feud. This is a good, short match which Jeff wins for his team with a swanton bomb on Steve Blackman. Kurt Angle again refuses to take any blame for the loss - he still hasn’t been pinned or submitted.
• Backstage, Edge and Christian have a mysterious conversation about how Edge “broke the news” to someone and that he was totally cool about it. 
• European Champion Val Venis enters to defend his gold for the first time in a while. His opponent is Edge, who JR informs us is engaged to Val Venis’ sister. That would appear to be the news Edge was talking about before the break. Val tells the crowd the same. This is a decent back and forth match which Val wins clean with a fisherman suplex. The two future brothers in law shake hands after the match. Edge gets on the mic and says that while Val was the best man tonight, Christian will be the best man at his wedding. Then the three of them hug again.
• I haven't mentioned it every time but on every show - Raw, Smackdown and even Sunday Night Heat - during someones entrance on the show the mysterious orange and black logo continues to appear. 

• Too Cool and Rikishi enter for a six man tag team match with The Headbangers and Al Snow. Mosh, Thrasher and Snow don’t even get their entrances. Rikishi wins, and after the match Al Snow attacks his own partners with Head again. Everyone hates Al Snow and that’s his new gimmick. Rikishi and Too Cool dance after the match.
• Between more segments of Mick Foley torturing the Fake Mankind, they show the first advert for WWF New York. I’ll talk more about that at the Royal Rumble PPV. 
• The Godfather and his new tag team partner D’Lo Brown enter with four hoes. Their opponents, The Dudley Boyz interrupt his pre match promo and Bubba and D-Von go right on the attack. The match doesn’t last long as The Dudleyz get distracted by the hoes and the fighting on the outside leads to them being counted out and The Godfather and D’Lo winning the match. 
• Test finally has a chance to get some revenge on Albert and Bossman as tonight he has a proper partner - The Big Show. Show hammers and demolishes his old rival The Big Bossman and Test easily wins with a big elbow off the top. After the match much like on Smackdown, Bossman and Albert have cross words so Big Show goes back to the ring and plants them both with chokeslams. During this, it’s confirmed that The Big Show will be in the Royal Rumble match. 

Smackdown! - January 13th, 2000

Cactus Jack is Back

In the arena, the show opens with the WWF Champion Triple H and his wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. They walk to the ring holding hands, which is lovely. Triple H has a lot of work to do in putting DX back together - they were all forced to fight each other on Raw, but there’s also been growing dissent with the DX lads not liking Triple H throwing his weight around, or how much control Stephanie seems to have over them. Stephanie puts us all “in our place” and reminds us that she is the only McMahon running the WWF and she is married to the WWF Champion. Triple H says he has to issue an apology - not to any of the people, and not to any of the “50 ingrates” that surrounded the ring and threatened to walk. He sacrifices and makes this show for them and for us. He is WWF Champion “for us”. No his apology is to D-Generation X. He made mistakes and showed them tough love as he would expect them to do to him, but all he’s done is drive them away. He has realised the error of his ways after they walked out on him on Raw. He gives them matches tonight - The New Age Outlaws will face Bradshaw in a no disqualification handicap match. If Faarooq gets involved, The Acolytes will lose their tag title match at the Royal Rumble. He says that they’ll actually wrestle twice, and will face Faarooq in the same match with the same stipulations. Meanwhile X-Pac (who is like a brother to him) will team up with him and they’ll face The Rock and The Big Show. He then turns his attention to his Royal Rumble opponent - Mankind. He beat Mankind in the middle of the ring on Raw and left him in a puddle of his own blood. Which is true. Stephanie looks all happy and fired up as he promises to beat Mankind senseless at the Rumble and stain New York City with his blood. He then calls Mick Foley out to the ring. He is not afraid of Mankind. It’s the Fake Mankind who comes out. He gets on his knees and issues a grovelling apology and begs for mercy.

The real Mankind does come out, still wearing the blood stained white shirt from Raw. He says that after Raw when he was in the shower washing the blood out of his hair, he had time to think about what Mankind is - he’s an entertaining guy, a great author, a tough SOB but he is not ready to face Triple H in a Street Fight at the Royal Rumble. Triple H is The Game, and he is the best in the business and Mankind just isn’t good enough or tough enough to beat Triple H. The fans deserve a substitute and he’s going to name him right now, pulling off his mask. “His Name…is Cactus Jack!” which gets a huge cheer. Triple H sells the reveal like he’s seen a ghost, terrified of Cactus Jack! Mick rushes the ring and fights it out with the WWF Champion! Mick talked about this reveal in his second book and how he knew he couldn’t waste any time with the reveal because the fans would have inevitably started chanting for The Rock or Stone Cold if he waited too long. The fans are so happy to see Jack though. The Fake Mankind hits Cactus with a chair, which he no-sells. Triple H escapes and Cactus Jack beats the life out of Fake Mankind, dropping an elbow drop with a steel chair onto the announce table from the apron! “Triple H, at the Royal Rumble you’re gonna make me bleed? It won’t be the first time, and it sure as hell won’t be the last!” Full credit to Mick Foley as a performer for so believably portraying a changed t-shirt as a total character change. Triple H gets a lot of credit too for selling his fear of Cactus Jack, all while Jerry Lawler squeals that Cactus Jack is sick and deranged and unhinged. This was an awesome segment, which you’ll see the best parts of during the incredible video package for their match at the Royal Rumble PPV. They show a couple of narrated video packages about Cactus Jack and his history in brutal weapons matches throughout the rest of the show.

DX get ready for the Rumble

In the first of the three DX booked matches Triple H set up at the start of the show, The New Age Outlaws enter (with their tag title belts which I swear they haven’t had for weeks) for the first handicap match with an Acolyte. Bradshaw puts up a bit of a fight but Roaddogg and Billy just pummelled him with chair shots and ring step shots and finally pin the big Texan. 

Backstage in their office, The Outlaws seem to be best friends with Triple H and Stephanie again but no one knows where X-Pac is. 

Jonathan “The Coach” Coachman interviews The Rock backstage. He tries to ask him how he feels about teaming up with The Big Show. Rock cuts him off multiple times and makes fun of his Coach nickname. The important point of this is that The Rock is cool with tagging with Show, there’s no ill will. It is the start of a long running gag with Rocky picking on Coach which he’ll do for pretty much the next three years on and off. 

In the second handicap match of the night, The New Age Outlaws come out to face Faarooq. He jumps them before the match through the crowd and gets in some stiff spinebusters and clotheslines but the two on one odds are too much and they beat him pretty quickly. With the match now officially over, Bradshaw can come to the rescue and runs in with a steel pipe and chases off the tag team champions. 

Lillian Garcia interviews The Big Show. He’s excited to get his hands on Triple H and X-Pac. He mentions that he’s a former WWF Champion but isn’t getting a rematch which doesn’t seem fair at all. He is right. He then takes issue with the stuff The Rock said on Raw - he’s not a jabroni, he doesn’t like The Rock and it will be HIM that wins the Royal Rumble. He says he’s going to throw The Rock into the seventh row. But tonight, he’s a professional and he’ll work together with Rocky. 

In the McMahon-Helmsley office, The Outlaws celebrate their pair of handicap victories with Triple H and Stephanie but they still can’t find X-Pac anywhere. 

After their solo interviews earlier, The Rock and The Big Show are interviewed together. Show doesn’t even let The Rock speak and tells him right to his face - he doesn’t like The Rock and he plans on winning the Royal Rumble so all Rocky has to do is stand on the apron, raise his pretty eyebrow and stay out of his way. Show leaves and The Rock is actually pretty respectful, saying that The Big Show is a worthy opponent at the Royal Rumble but tonight he’s going to lay the smack down on X-Pac and Triple H. 

In the McMahon-Helmsley office, X-Pac has finally arrived. Triple H apologises to him again as does Steph but Pac seems reluctant to accept it. It’s been questioned all night by King and Michael Cole that this doesn’t feel like a great reward for X-Pac, having to fight The Rock and The Big Show but Triple H pleads with him to trust him and trust the plan.

After Triple H and X-Pac enter, Triple H stops the ring announcer and says that there's no way The Rock will be out next because he has to enter last because of his ego, so it must be “the man Rocky called a jabroni” and sure enough, it’s The Big Show. Triple H’s plan seems pretty clear - he’s banking on The Big Show and The Rock turning on each other.

It doesn’t work initially as The Big Show easily dominates Triple H, but then refuses to tag in The Rock which draws boos from the crowd. The Rock does tag himself in and the two former champions reluctantly work together. The Rock and Triple H both go down but The Big Show isn’t there for a tag from Rocky as X-Pac distracted him. X-Pac has fully added his faux-martial arts arm waving and “hi-ya” noises to his gimmick and looks like such an idiot. The Rock again goes for a tag but this time Show intentionally steps off the apron and refuses it which lets Triple H plant The Rock with a Pedigree and DX wins the match. The Big Show seems very pleased with himself for costing The Rock (and himself) the match. Honestly, The Big Show had a point and was right to be annoyed until he did that. He ends the show by driving The Rock into the mat with a massive chokeslam.

Chyna gets one over on Y2J

Backstage the Co-Intercontinental Champions talk strategy. Jericho has his guard up but to his surprise, Chyna issues an apology and says that they’re both adults and should try to get along. Y2J shakes her hand and they appear to finally be on the same page. It won’t last. Later in the show, Chyna runs up to Tori and says she has something “kind of bad” to tell her. This leads into a segment where Chyna tells Tori all about the gross sexual things Y2J has said about Tori, and she suggests Kane should face him in a non-title match. Tori looks disgusted and runs off to get Kane as Chyna looks happy with herself. 

Kane enters first for his match with Chris Jericho. This is non-title and there is a lot going on with Kane and Tori which I’ll get into as and when the storyline pays off. The key thing is that Tori is deeply paranoid and prone to screaming like a banshee every time a man so much as smiles at her, which sends Kane into a murderous fury. People have taken advantage of that (like Stephanie using it to sic Kane on Test, or Mick Foley doing it to Fake Mankind). Before the match, Y2J tries to explain what's happened to Kane and that Chyna is manipulating him. He goes too far when trying to explain that he doesn’t even like Tori and calls her ugly and stupid. Kane goes on the attack early, as Chyna and The Kat laugh about it backstage watching on a monitor. Y2J puts up a good fight but as he goes for the Walls of Jericho, Chyna comes out which distracts him. Kane follows up with a violent looking chokeslam and a tombstone piledriver to win this non-title match. With Jericho out in the ring, Chyna sends women’s champion The Kat to ringside to get the Intercontinental title belt. 

Other Happenings

• The Smackdown intro still heavily features both The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin. I’d imagine that’s just to make sure there’s no speculation either of them will turn up in WCW. 
• Too Cool with Rikishi takes on Hardcore and Crash Holly and as The Hollys walk to the ring, Michael Cole reminds us that Hardcore Holly has pinned both co-intercontinental Champions lately. Their partner is Al Snow. Snow is significantly less over or interesting as a serious, angry heel. I miss his babyface theme song. Scotty 2 Hotty does The Worm which Cole continues to call the centipede but King finally knows its right name and calls it The Worm. It only took them two months. This is a fun but short match with the good guys winning when Rikishi spikes Crash with the Rikishi Driver. One again, Al Snow turns on his own partners after the match and knocks out both Crash and Hardcore with Head. As he leaves, he rants about how all he wants is one partner that he can rely on. Meanwhile in the ring, Rikishi and Too Cool bust a move and dance to their theme song. The fans are so into this whole gimmick. 
• Gangrel (with his girlfriend Luna) takes on Test. Test has had a rough couple of months but finally got some revenge on Bossman on Raw. Hopefully Triple H and Steph just leave him alone now. Test still has to wear a face guard when he wrestles because of his broken nose. Luna gets involved so Test puts her over his knee and spanks her (which gets a loud girly squeal from the women in the crowd) but Gangrel saves her. The match ends via disqualification and Test, who seems to have just had enough of women messing with him in general, plants Luna with a pumphandle slam! He finishes off with a top rope Elbow on Gangrel. 
• Matt and Jeff Hardy (with the ever useless Terri) take on Hardcore Champion The Big Bossman and Prince Albert. Bossman and Albert have been having some issues lately. There’s a bit of miscommunication between Bossman and Albert and The Hardyz win with a roll up. The two big men come to blows after the match.

• Kurt Angle and Steve Blackman team up to take on Edge and Christian. They don’t actually have a great record as a team, but Angle says he's still undefeated because it’s always Blackman who gets pinned. As the match proceeds, Val Venis appears on the titantron and asks Steve Blackman if he was planning on using a kendo stick on “his future Brother in Law” Edge. The distraction helps Edge win with a roll up. 
• The Godfather and D’Lo Brown enter with eight hoes for tag team action. D’Lo has continued to turn into The Godfather and has a sparkly waistcoat to match his pimp-hat. Honestly? One of the better looking collections of hoes from this era. Their opponents are Mosh and Thrasher, the Headbangers. Godfather asks them what is going on with them and the way they dress so Mosh says he’s just upset that they look hotter than his hoes and calls them trolls. Godfather and D’Lo work well as a team and win after Godfather hits the ho-train in the corner and D’Lo follows up with a Low Down splash. 
• The mysterious orange arena lighting and symbol on the titantron at random intervals during the show continues this week.

Raw is War - January 17th, 2000

Medical update on Stone Cold Steve Austin

Michael Cole has a report from San Antonio, Texas with a medical update on Stone Cold Steve Austin. His neck surgery went very well, and there’s even press conference style footage of the surgeon talking about it. He goes into detail about what the issue was (bone spurs pressing on the spinal cord, causing a lot of pain and some neurological issues) Because of the huge amount of muscle in his neck, a one hour surgery took more like three or four. He speaks very positively about Austin’s mindset and outlook. He is optimistic about Austin’s return to the ring, but shys away from saying that it will definitely happen and emphasises that it is many months away. Which turned out to be exactly right.

Royal Rumblings

In the arena, Cactus Jack comes out to the ring to a great reaction. Jim Ross is very excited to see him. He’ll face Triple H at the Royal Rumble in a Street Fight. He says Triple H deserves some praise for doing the impossible - he made the loveable, funny, huggable Mankind angry. So now Mankind is gone and has been replaced by the sick, sadistic and evil Cactus Jack. This is a really good promo which I can’t do justice, but Mick does a great job of reminding us all who Cactus Jack is and shows footage of the last time he and Triple H fought in Madison Square Garden and Cactus beat him all around the arena and finally defeated him with a piledriver through a table on the top of the entrance ramp. He doesn’t regret all the injuries and pain because it made him the “bad son of a bitch” he is. He’s going to take out all of his anger on Triple H and take his WWF Championship. This is not a change of outfit, this is a change in attitude. He can’t wait until the Royal Rumble and wants a little piece tonight - no titles on the line, just the two of them man to man.

That brings The Game out and for the first time in a long time, he comes out solo. After a long speech about how tough he is and how he’s going to beat Mick Foley at the Rumble, Triple H goes finally go to the ring for a fight…with the other three members of DX too. Cactus shows no fear and goes out to meet them and as the four on one odds overwhelm him, The Rock runs to the ring to save his tag team partner. Before The Rock even gets there, The Big Show stops him! He has his issues with The Rock. Show gets in the ring and starts attacking DX himself - his issue is with The Rock and not Cactus - and then The Acolytes make the save too. The men all pair off and brawl away from the ring with Triple H escaping through the crowd and leaving Cactus Jack in the ring.

Backstage, Triple H makes some matches for DX - The New Age Outlaws will face The Rock and The Big Show, and He and X-Pac will face The Acolytes. X-Pac again seems unhappy with the news but Triple H asks him to trust him.

The Coach interviews The Big Show. He seems very reasonable and wants to make it clear that he loves the fans and that he’s worked hard to earn their respect - his issue is with The Rock. He doesn’t like The Rock and has taken personal issue with being called a jabroni and the way The Rock has assumed he’ll win the Royal Rumble. 

Triple H and X-Pac take on Bradshaw and Faarooq and this breaks down very quickly into a fight around the ring. Triple H is taken down and X-Pac is beaten up two on one for a bit. Whatever The Game’s plan was, it doesn’t seem to be working! Bradshaw and Faarooq brutalise DX and have the match won until the Tag Team Champions run to the ring and the four members of D-Generation X beat up the number one contenders. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley is on commentary and does my head in by loudly clapping during all of this, and also crows about their genius plan. I mean…the plan was to lose a match via disqualification and a four on two beating. I can’t imagine it took much planning. 

Kevin Kelly interviews The Rock but before he talks about The Big Show, the tag match tonight or the Royal Rumble he wants to talk about Stone Cold. He gives his congratulations, says he wishes he was in Texas to drink a beer with him and says he should enjoy hunting and hurry up and get his ass back to the WWF. Kevin asks if The Rock wants to retract his statement where he called The Big Show a jabroni. The Rock says that yes he does. The Big Show is not a jabroni. What he IS, is a seven foot tall, 500lbs steaming stinking pile of monkey crap. He says he also called 28 other men jabronis and none of them took it personally. He once again guarantees that he will win the Royal Rumble, go to Wrestlemania and be WWF Champion again. He makes fun of The Big Show’s arm-raising chokeslam taunt which I cannot put into written words, but made me laugh out loud when he ends by pointing at the camera and simply barking “jabroni” at him. 

Backstage, Cactus Jack tries to talk some sense into The Big Show and encourages him to make up and be friends with The Rock even after The Rock’s nasty comments about him earlier. In a separate segment, he does the same with The Rock. He says he needs to work together with The Big Show or DX will take advantage of them. 

In the main event, WWF Tag Team Champions The New Age Outlaws face The Rock and The Big Show (in a non-title match). The Rock is the clear favourite to win the Rumble match but they’re working hard to position Big Show, Kane and Rikishi as also strong front runners. Roaddogg has started tweaking his pre-match promo to try and get less cheers. They are supposed to be bad guys after all. The Big Show has a load of new pyro when he makes his entrance. When The Rock enters, he immediately throws a bunch of punches at his own partner and clears The Big Show out of the ring! Triple H, X-Pac and Stephanie all come out onto the entrance ramp to watch on as The Outlaws beat down The Rock two on one. The Big Show stays at ringside, but doesn’t stand on the apron and sarcastically cheers on The Rock. The fans actually start chanting “Big Show sucks” so him being offended by The Rock calling him names is apparently enough to make him less popular than the all-heel main event D-Generation X faction. He does give The Rock a headbutt when he comes outside and sends him back into The Outlaws. After letting his partner get beat up, Big Show does eventually get in the ring and easily beat up both Outlaws. While Roaddogg has the referee distracted, The Rock gets in the ring and knocks Show out with a brutal chairshot to the head. The New Age Outlaws officially win when Billy Gunn pins The Big Show and DX clap and cheer as The Rock gives The Big Show a People’s Elbow to end Raw standing tall. 

Intercontinental Championship

Chris Jericho is slated to defend the Intercontinental title tonight against Rikishi. There is supposed to be a triple threat at the Royal Rumble between Jericho, Chyna and Hardcore Holly (who pinned both co-champions) to name the undisputed Intercontinental Champion but not if Y2J loses the title tonight! Both these matches were announced last night on Sunday Night Heat, apparently. Hardcore complains to Crash, and Chyna complains to The Kat about the situation backstage. Rikishi enters and is accompanied by Too Cool and has a good chance to win his first title tonight. Y2J, co-Intercontinental champion has gotten very popular with the live crowds since turning full babyface. He explains that the reason he is defending the title tonight is because this is what legendary champions do. He says he’s the undisputed champion anyway, but he’ll prove it at the Royal Rumble. He offers to show Rikishi some of his own dance moves but he’ll have to destroy him first. Rikishi might have the victory in hand but Hardcore and Crash Holly both run in to try and make the save - it's ineffective and both men take a pair of superkicks and samoan drops. Rikishi goes right back to Jericho and sets up the Rikishi Driver but Chyna arrives and uses a low blow to save Jericho. Chyna runs through them both with a double clothesline and then lays out Chyna with a belly to belly suplex. He drags her to the corner and goes for a banzai drop but Hardcore Holly is there to blast him with a steel chair which officially ends the match via disqualification. Jericho grabs his belt and leaves as Too Cool runs in to help their buddy and Grandmaster Sexay, Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi flatten both Hollys and dance in sort-of-victory. 

Other Happenings

• The Big Bossman defends his Hardcore title for the first time in ages against Test. They fight up the entrance ramp and into the backstage immediately. They run each other into walls and doors and fight into the bathroom. Test’s nose starts bleeding pretty early on so it seems that his nose has not yet healed enough for him to be wrestling without the face protector. Bossman slams a shutter door down on Test’s ribs for a near fall. In the end, they fight back to the ring and Test wins the Hardcore championship with a top rope Elbow drop while holding Bossman’s nightstick. Prince Albert did punch Bossman and set him up for the move first. 

• D’Lo Brown’s change to being another Godfather continues as he now has red pants to match his red waistcoat. He and Godfather take on Edge and Christian. Christian accidentally knocks one of the hoes off the apron and then while Edge is checking on the fallen lady, D’Lo picks up the victory over Christian. Godfather after the match says that he’s in a great mood so he’ll still let Edge and Christian take the hoes. Edge gently rejects them since he’s engaged to Val Venis’ sister.

• Bossman and Prince Albert fight in the backstage area and end up spilling into Tori’s locker room who screams bloody murder. In the next segment, she goes to see Stephanie and Triple H and they book Prince Albert against Kane.
• Kurt Angle, who is facing a mystery opponent at the Royal Rumble, also has a mystery opponent tonight. He is confident that he’ll still win, because he knows every wrestler in the back like the back of his hand. With his three Is, he will always win. It’s Steve Blackman tonight, his sometimes tag team partner. The British Bulldog sneaks to the ring and low blows Blackman with his own kendo stick and Kurt follows up with an Olympic Slam to remain undefeated.

• A segment “telling us more” about the Miss Rumble 2000 swimsuit competition at the Royal Rumble PPV. Ivory, Luna, BB, Jacqueline, Terri and WWF Women’s Champion The Kat are all in the ring. It’ll be interesting to see how much that’s all been edited on the WWE Network because I remember it being raunchy. Terri, Jackie and The Kat all seem happy to strip off, but Ivory refuses to take part. Ivory calls King a pervert, which is treated like some major heel statement as if its not true. The women all fight and brawl and pull at each other's clothes. Mae Young comes out onto the ramp to watch and her theme song plays for quite a long time while she stands there waiting for the fight to end. Someone missed their cue I think. She gets in the ring and says she’ll be in the swimsuit competition too. She wants to show her fans her puppies. The classic stripper music plays as Mae starts to dance and strip off her pantsuit until Mark Henry arrives just in time to cover her up and stop her. 

• Jeff Hardy has a singles match (with Matt and Terri at ringside with him) against Bubba Ray Dudley (who has D-Von with him). Jeff goes fast and flies all around the ring and out of the ring, and gets a loud girly cheer for peeling off his t-shirt. I get it girls. Terri gets on the apron and D-Von man handles her. The two tag partners fight on the outside and D-Von drops him. Jeff Hardy wins the match with his Swanton Bomb but gets attacked by D-Von before he can celebrate. The Dudleyz drop both Jeff and Matt with a pair of 3Ds and then, for the first time ever, go out and get a table from under the ring. Bubba lays Jeff across the table in the corner and then with D-Von’s help, powerbombs Matt Hardy off the top rope through Jeff, driving them both through the table! It gets a strong reaction from the crowd, being the first time a lot of them have seen something like that. It won’t be the last. 

• Kane, accompanied by Tori, takes on Prince Albert. Bossman kind of set Albert up here by throwing him into what he knew was Tori’s locker room knowing that Kane would take terrible revenge. Bossman watches on from backstage as Kane beats up and easily defeats Albert with a chokeslam. Albert grabs the mic and says that Kane obviously likes being dominated by a woman, and so does he. No idea what that's all about. 

Smackdown! - January 20th, 2000

Triple H gets personal

The final segment of the show is Triple H coming out to the ring to talk to Cactus Jack. He reminds us all of how violently his new best friend The Rock beat him at the Royal Rumble last year and shows footage from the I Quit match. He talks about how Mick’s kids were in the front row and sobbed for their father, even mentioning their names. He says his wife was probably only acting for appearances because she must hate him like everyone else does. He promises that he will take it so much further, and promises to beat him worse than he has ever been beaten in his life. Stephanie looks at her husband with excited eyes and a smile on her face. He says he’ll love making Mick’s kids cry. Cactus Jack, who we’ve been told all night wasn’t here, then comes out onto the stage. Triple H looks scared! I don’t think he’d have said all those things about Mick’s family if he knew he was here. He says that his family won’t be at Madison Square Garden or watching the match but not because he doesn’t want them to see what happens to him - he doesn’t want them to see what he’ll do to Triple H. He praises Triple H and says he believes that The Game might give him a beating, but promises that he’ll have his own surprises so much more violent than a steel chair or a trash can. This is an amazing Mick Foley promo and to their credit, both Stephanie and Triple H look on with genuine fear in their eyes. He says while his kids won’t watch the Royal Rumble, they are watching Smackdown and he wants to give them a little bit of action. Triple H goes out to meet him and the pair fight at ringside with Cactus getting control and hammering The Game down against the ring steps and then swinging a steel chair. Triple H tries to fight back but even with steel chair shots, it's not enough and the brawl ends with Cactus piledriving the champion on top of the announce table and cracking him with a chair shot, busting open the WWF Champion! 

The Rumble Favourites make their mark

In the arena, The Big Show opens up the show. He is loudly booed by the live crowd but this is quite a good, creative storyline for him. He really hasn’t done anything wrong - he’s right to be upset that he didn’t get a rematch for the WWF title, and The Rock insulted him for no reason so now he doesn’t like The Rock. It’s kind of fair enough, but the fans love The Rock so that makes him a heel. They chant “Rocky” before Show even speaks.

He says that he’s sorry he can’t be what the fans want - he’ll never be The Rock, and takes issue with the fans booing him. He’s done nothing wrong! He says the real reason none of the fans like him, and why none of the guys in the back like him - none of them will ever be 7 foot tall, and 500lbs. It drives them all nuts that he can easily be the most dominant man in WWF history and they can’t. For The Rock to win the Royal Rumble he has to get past The Big Show and no one can get past him. He fires up - no one can eliminate him and no one can stop him. He hates The Rock so he wants to settle the score tonight so he calls him out. The Rock wastes no time in coming out onto the entrance ramp. The Rock says that The Big Show is one of the most impressive physical specimens in WWF history and yet he comes out and whines about being bullied and no one likes him. It’s funnier the way he said it but I can’t type in an impression. The Rock starts heading down to the ring for a fight but before he gets there, Kane’s music interrupts! Tori has a microphone in hand. She’s not a great promo, but her point is that with these huge egos running wild, they’ve forgotten that there are 28 other men in the match. She says that Kane is going to win, but the fans aren’t paying attention and chant “we want puppies” over her. I hate these attitude era crowds sometimes.

Kane starts heading down for a fight too, but before he goes anywhere WWF Champion Triple H and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley come out onto the stage. After a long meandering promo, he books the three of them in a triple threat, over the top rope match with lumberjack rules? That’s a lot. The Rock begins verbally firing back but he’s jumped from behind by The Big Show. As Kane and Show brawl, The Rock gets a steel chair and knocks them both out. 

The Rock makes fun of The Big Show and Kane. He says “retard” which is, as usual, edited off the WWE Network. King actually called Kane “retard” on Raw but that one seems to have slipped by the censors. He is, as usual, very confident of victory, and that the fans will loudly chant his name (which they do). 

Kane, The Rock and The Big Show in a triple threat with multiple stipulations. The ring is surrounded by the other 27 men who’ll be in the Rumble match on Sunday as lumberjacks, and this match is elimination rules where you’re eliminated, much like the Rumble match itself, by being thrown over the top rope.The fans are electric for this one, but amazingly The Rock is the first man eliminated when The Big Show easily throws him over the top rope! He plants Kane with a chokeslam and taunts The Rock which brings him running back to the ring. The Rock gives Show a Rock Bottom and then talks into a clothesline from Kane who sends him back out via the top rope. Show charges Kane and gets backdropped over the rope! Kane wins this Royal Rumble preview, which brings all the lumberjacks into the ring and everyone brawls and fights in the ring while the fans loudly chant for “Rocky”.

DX gets ready for the Rumble

The now traditional “McMahon-Helmsley office promo” opens the show. Cactus Jack isn’t here due to a family illness (Triple H says its an excuse and he’s just scared of DX), The New Age Outlaws have the night off ahead of their tag team title defence at the Royal Rumble and thanks to a random drawing earlier in the day, X-Pac will face Test where the winner gets the number 30 spot in the Royal Rumble match.

X-Pac vs. WWF Hardcore Champion Test, with the winner being the number 30 entrant into the Royal Rumble. Is it very suspicious that in this “random drawing”, one of the names was Triple H’s best buddy? Why yes, yes it is Michael Cole. Test still has the protective face guard on for his broken nose. It’s nice seeing the Hardcore title belt with someone that isn’t Bossman - It’s barely been defended for a couple of months now but it’s about to get the best and most fun run of its career. Test dominates and sets up his top rope elbow but Roaddogg distracts the referee, Mr. Ass hits a low blow and X-Pac uses an X-Factor to beat Test and officially become the 30th entrant into the Rumble match. 

The New Age Outlaws take their night off seriously, going to a local bar (it’s The Friendly Tap which is owned by referee Tim White and they always use for these types of spots) and run into some very excited fans - its the same ones The Acolytes had the bar brawl with three months ago on Raw.

Back at the bar, The locals tell Roaddogg and Mr. Ass how great they are. One guy says he thinks The Acolytes will beat them so Billy smashes a bottle over his head and they kick him out of the bar. Back at the arena, Bradshaw and Faarooq are watching and decide they might pay a visit to the bar too.

The Acolytes show up at The Friendly Tap and call out for some beers. The locals immediately start clearing out when they see them arrive. The Outlaws can be seen conspiring in the background as they sit at the back and order their drinks. They seem to be goading Billy and Roaddogg to attack them. Bradshaw shows a ton of personality here, as he and Faarooq sarcastically call out for The Outlaw’s autographs. It turns into a fight and Billy and Roadogg are able to escape out the front door while their challengers are busy beating up the two locals they’d befriended. 

Other Happenings

• Backstage, Al Snow seems to have finally found a tag team partner. Steve Blackman makes him promise not to turn on him like he did the others. Al Snow says that they’re a perfect match - his last tag team partner Mick Foley had three personalities and Blackman has none! Snow says he has tons of charisma and Steve has zero. They’re well suited! Their opponents are the still undefeated Kurt Angle and the man who helped him beat Blackman on Raw, The British Bulldog. Kurt Angle says before the match that he has a mystery opponent at the Royal Rumble, and that he has just been told this. That seems silly - JR and King told us that on Raw, so he must not watch the show. Bulldog looks pretty spaced out in the background while Kurt speaks. Kurt looks impressive, but when he tags in Bulldog he’s quickly defeated by Blackman. Angle leaves in disgust, as Snow tells Blackman that they’re a great team.
• There’s a video package for the Miss Rumble Bikini Contest, which is basically just a recap of the segment on Raw. They’re promising nudity.
• Matt Hardy (with Jeff and Terri) takes on D-Von Dudley (with Bubba Ray). There’s a replay of The Dudleyz violently driving both Hardyz through a table on Raw. During this, Michael Cole tells us all about these teams' matches at the PPV - a tag team tables match. The first one ever, in fact. Matt has the match won with a Twist of Fate but Bubba pulls him out of the ring and causes the disqualifications. Bubba then blasts both Hardyz with brutal, sick chair shots to the head and then punches out the referee. Bubba sets up two tables on the arena floor, below the entrance ramp as D-Von drags Matt up there with him. Terri begs for forgiveness as Jeff makes the save with a pair of chair shots to both Dudleyz, the one to Bubba sending him falling from the stage through both tables in a great looking spot! They set up another table and lay D-Von across it, so that Matt can dive from the stage with a leg drop driving D-Von through the table! The fans go crazy for these spots.

• Backstage, Crash Holly complains to his cousin Hardcore about having nothing to do and no competition so Hardcore chases him out of the locker room. He bumps into Viscera, who he fires up and challenges! 
• The Co-Intercontinental Champions Chyna and Chris Jericho team up with their other Royal Rumble opponent Hardcore Holly in a six person tag team match against Rikishi and Too Cool. It doesn’t last long before it all breaks down and ends in a double disqualification (I think). Rikishi lays out all three prospective Intercontinental Champions and Y2J sneaks away with the title belt. Rikishi and Too Cool dance.

• The Big Bossman faces his former pupil Prince Albert. Before the match, Albert talks on his way to the ring, saying that Bossman was a great mentor to him and taught him how to be evil and sadistic but now he’s done learning and he’ll kick his ass. This match also ends in a double disqualification as they fight on the outside and refuse to listen to the referee. The fight continues for a while after the bell until multiple referees split them up. 
• Viscera faces the “allegedly well over 400lbs” Crash Holly. Viscera obviously dominates the tiny Crash Holly but the fans come alive for a fluke tornado DDT and near fall from the little man. An impressive sit down powerbomb and then splash combo is too much and Viscera wins. 
• Edge faces his former Brood member, Gangrel (with Luna). Christian isn’t at ringside with Edge - he’s seemingly in the huff because Edge was more concerned with checking on the physical well being of one of Godfather’s hoes on Raw and that cost him and Christian a match. They talk a lot about Edge’s real life engagement to Val Venis’ sister. Val’s interacted with Edge a bit, but it's very hard to say where this storyline is going. It feels like maybe it was just a thing that was happening in real life so they felt like they HAD to do something with it, but didn’t know what to do with it? There’s a rumour floating around backstage that Edge is going to be one of the judges for the Miss Rumble swimsuit contest and so Luna starts whispering to Edge and trying to win favour with him. That brings all the other ladies down to the ring including Mae Young who forces a kiss on him! Edge gets counted out during all of this so Gangrel wins. Edge has a hell of a time trying to escape all these women. So the big question is who spread the rumour that Edge would be a judge in the swimsuit contest? It's literally never mentioned again after this show so don't worry about it.