Monday Night Raw - July 22nd 1996

• Raw opens up with the show’s biggest match; another all-champions affair with The Smoking Gunns defending the WWF Tag Team Championships against the collective might of WWF Champion Shawn Michaels and Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson. Sunny and the Gunns wheel a massive birthday cake to the ring. Why? Well as it happens tonight is Shawn Michaels’ birthday so that’s probably not a coincidence. Ahmed’s Intercontinental title belt still has the golden leather strap which Goldust changed. Vince mentions that not only did HBK get pinned by Vader last night in the PPV’s main event but Ahmed Johnson suffered a broken nose during that match too. Shawn and Ahmed get distracted by Sunny and her cake (there’s definitely a joke in there somewhere) which allows Billy and Bart to attack them from behind. HBK drops Billy Gunn with Sweet Chin Music within seconds and then he and Ahmed shove the cake into her face - who didn’t see that coming? Michaels has some fun forcing a pair of kisses and kicking some icing off her face. I mentioned during the PPV that by this point he and Sunny were having an affair behind the scenes and with all of that chaos out of the way, Michaels dances and finishes his entrance with pyro and stripping routine and all. With all of that shenanigans, the Tag Team title match has been postponed until later in the show so that Billy can recover from the Chin Music and Gorilla Monsoon says that if they don’t defend the titles they’ll be stripped of them. 

• Marc Mero (with Sable, of course) faces The Goon. He’s one of the more famous gimmicked jobbers from the era; when people rattle off lists of the stupid New Generation gimmicks the WWF presented in the mid 90s The Goon; evil hockey player, is usually high on the list. Mero’s PPV opponent from last night Stone Cold Steve Austin joins commentary and talks more trash about Mero and how easy he was to defeat last night. He has a match with The Undertaker next week on Raw and makes a point of calling out Intercontinental Champion Ahmed Johnson and WWF Champion Shawn Michaels but focuses the bulk of his venom on Bret Hart. He says he’d love to beat the hell out of the Hitman but he’s gone and it looks like he’s not coming back. Jake Roberts calls in during the match too - there’s a LOT happening here - and Jerry Lawler and Stone Cold goad him about his very-real alcoholism. I’ve said it before but this storyline was tasteless at the time and has aged like milk since; they must have really believed Jake was clean and sober for life to make a storyline of it. Austin tells Jake he’s a coward and should stay gone as long as he can. The Goon gives Mero a surprisingly hard time considering he’s a jobber but thanks to The Goon slipping on the spilled birthday cake which is still all over the ringside area, Mero finishes him off with a dive out of the ring and then a slingshot leg drop over the ropes back inside. Austin calls it a fluke and says that Sable is just a distraction and shouldn’t be at ringside. 

• Vince chats to Ahmed and Shawn backstage (I’ve no idea why Michaels is so wet, he looks like he’s already showered or at least wrestled a match long enough to have him soaked in sweat. Weird, but it makes me wonder if this interview was actually taped AFTER the show) and he says that Ahmed wants to be a double champion and his birthday present for himself is to make it happen for them both tonight.
• In a pre-taped segment, ace lawyer Clarence Mason is speaking to Gorilla Monsoon about bringing “his client” back to the WWF despite his legal troubles. We can’t see who he’s talking about but it’s a big man in a denim shirt with long hair. More on him in the near future.
• Mankind faces a mulleted jobber which is really just a chance for Vince and Lawler to discuss his match with The Undertaker at Summerslam, now known as the “Boiler Room Brawl”, a match which will start backstage in the boiler room of the arena. No word on how one wins a match like that yet but its basically the first man to escape the boiler room and make it all the way out to the ring in the arena. I have loved every second of Mankind since his debut and he has brought the best out of the Deadman so I’m looking forward to that. This particular jobber - Freddy Joe Flloyd - picked up an upset win over Justin Hawk Bradshaw on Superstars a couple of weeks ago so he’s not a total nobody. Mankind locks in the Mandible Claw while Freddy sits on the top rope and uses it to bring him roughly down off the top rope to win the match via submission. Mankind screams like a demented animal right into the camera. He’s kind of terrifying! 
• The unpredictable Brian Pillman joins commentary for Goldust vs. Barry Horowitz. Pillman immediately makes Vince roll his eyes by swearing (he says “ass”) and teases he might just bust out the 7 Words you’re not allowed to say on television and get the show cancelled. The 7 words is a reference to an old George Carlin stand up bit. As Goldust makes his entrance, Marc Mero cuts a promo backstage both about his match with Vader next week (“he’s the biggest cat in my jungle”) and Goldust who he says is the one who really has a thing for Sable and he’s using Marlena to get to her. Pillman says that he wants to see Marlena and Sable “go after each other’s carpets” and says he won’t talk about Horowitz for fear of being accused of “anti-semitism”. Jesus Christ, Brian. I could spend this entire match recapping everything Pillman says but the key thing is that he says the things no one should including talking openly about Vince being the owner of the company which was still a kind of half-secret at the time. Goldust wins the match with the Curtain Call and beats up Barry more after the bell but honestly who cares? Give Pillman a mic and let him talk for an hour. When the camera shows Marlena he mentions hormones and “a three way” with her and Sable so Vince cuts him off and throws to the next segment.

• Sunny talks about the main event and The Gunn’s tag team title defence in the main event. Bart is defending the honour of his brother and manager. I didn’t hear a word Sunny said because she was cleaning cake off her cleavage the whole time. I feel like Jerry Lawler. 

• In the ring, Vince interviews Jim Cornette and Vader about the big pin fall Vader got (with help from Cornette) over the WWF Champion last night in the six man tag. Cornette compares Vader to a big high school bully who’ll take his lunch money and demands a WWF Championship match for his client. I actually thought Gorilla made that match for Summerslam at the end of the PPV last night but it seems like Cornette has only just had it confirmed since last night. It’s official now, either way. Cornette promises that Vader will end his boyhood dream and turn it into a nightmare at Summerslam.

• Here’s the commercial for Summerslam which I captured during last night’s PPV

• Heading into the main event I have to comment on how much better I think Raw is getting through 1996. The competition from WCW has absolutely forced the company to step up their game but Vince Russo’s influence on the writing can also be seen. There’s a lot of things happening in every segment with multiple stories being told. I’m into it! 
• Michaels does the quick version of his entrance since we’ve already seen it tonight and Ahmed just enters with him. That’s fair enough; let's get to the match. The Gunns obviously heard me because they sprint to the ring and kick things off fast. The Gunns isolate and work over Shawn Michaels for the bulk of the match until a hot tag to Ahmed. The match breaks down and it seems like the challengers might be closing in on a victory until an unknown man dressed in a goofy black and baby blue gladiator outfit runs down and attacks Ahmed, causing a disqualification. Jerry Lawler says that he “looks like Ron Simmons” which is exactly who it is! A former WCW Champion, Ron had actually semi-retired and was working as a warehouse manager when he got the call to come back to the WWF. He is the new client which Sunny mentioned on commentary last week and he viciously attacks Ahmed and even gets into a brawl with Shawn Michaels while they’re being held apart by referees and officials to close the show. This was a pretty great episode of Raw in my opinion. There was a LOT happening! 

Monday Night Raw - July 29th 1996

• Raw opens with a recap of the mystery assailants attack of Ahmed Johnson last week. Vince says that the Intercontinental Champion has a ruptured kidney and that the attacker will be here to hopefully tell us more about himself tonight. I wasn’t able to confirm whether the ruptured kidney was legit or just a storyline. I think it was legit! 
• In the opening match Justin Hawk Bradshaw faces Sycho Sid. I mentioned it at the PPV and thought maybe it was just a Canadian thing but my God Sid is OVER! The crowd went absolutely NUTS for him here and he seems kind of taken aback by it, pumping his arms and encouraging them. I’m so happy to see Sid get such a massive reaction because, as I’ve also said before, I love Sid and his theme music. Sid gives the big man a chokeslam so Bradshaw grabs his bull rope and hits him with the cow bell, giving Sid the victory via disqualification. Uncle Zeb gets in the ring and helps Bradshaw beat him up two on one but Sid shakes off two cow bell shots to double clothesline them and then powerbomb the big 300lbs Texan! He powerbombs Zeb too and the crowd (and Me) loved this! Sid is the man! 

• Backstage Sunny introduces us to her new client; Faarooq Asad: The Modern Day Gladiator. Sunny confirms that Faarooq will challenge Ahmed for the Intercontinental Championship at Summerslam. He says that he’s not Ahmed’s brother and there are no rules in a street fight. He has a good line to end saying that at Summerslam he will be 15lbs heavier and it’ll all be in gold. 

• Vader faces Marc Mero. Vader dominates the Wildman until he gets distracted by Sable. Mero uses his speed and a couple of dives to get into the match but Vader counters a top rope crossbody into a big powerslam to pick up the win.
• In a pre-taped segment, just like last week, Clarence Mason tries to convince Gorilla Monsoon to hire his client. Gorilla lists some of this man’s crimes including possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance and having spent time in jail. He sounds like a scary man.

• In the ring, Vince McMahon interviews both HBK’s manager Jose Lothario and Vader’s manager Jim Cornette who is the one who requested this meeting. Cornette recaps Jose and HBK’s history and rants like a mad man basically accusing him of riding in Michaels’ coat tails and using him for the money and glory. Jose attacks Cornette and shoves him on his ass to end the segment but where was Shawn Michaels during all of this? Well to everyone’s shock he was attacked by Mankind and laid out with the Mandible Claw! 

• Over the weekend Aldo Montoya defeated Jerry “The King” Lawler which King is very upset about and he challenges Aldo to a rematch which is accepted. I don’t think we’ve ever heard Aldo Montoya speak! King says that Aldo is Jake Robert’s designated driver. Aldo is angry about all the insults thrown at Roberts and says Jake has taught him self belief and the DDT which he’ll use to beat him next week. 
• The British Bulldog faces Henry Godwin. Owen Hart joins commentary to talk about the match and throws insults at Hillbilly Jim who threatens to slop the Slammy winner. Bulldog is slated to face Sycho Sid at Summerslam so Owen talks about that and says that he’ll outsmart and out manoeuvre Sid and win that match with ease. Owen has a Summerslam match of his own against Savio Vega? No idea where that came from, I assume he was supposed to wrestle the Ultimate Warrior but with him gone they’ve had to shuffle the plans around a little. Vince keeps asking Owen about Bret Hart and mentions that Stone Cold Steve Austin challenged his brother last week. Owen doesn’t know where Bret is and doesn’t care. He goes and tips over the slop bucket which is enough of a distraction for Bulldog to powerslam and defeat Henry Godwin. 
• Vince recaps Olympic hopeful Mark Henry breaking a world record for dead lift making himself the world’s strongest man, officially. He will be coming to the WWF very soon.
• In a pre-taped interview from the previous PPV, Mankind seems to think Goldust is his mommy and says that he will defend his mommy’s honour and stop The Undertaker from hurting her anymore by ending him at Summerslam. He is a psychopath! 

• Stone Cold Steve Austin faces The Undertaker in the main event. This show marks the debut of Austin weather a leather waistcoat to the ring during his entrance. He doesn’t have anything written on the front yet but does have his new logo on the back. This is a really physical match with Undertaker bouncing Austin around but in a great show of the company’s faith in him, Austin fights back without cheating and starts to control the match. Jerry Lawler says that Austin is “stomping a mudhole and walking it dry” which I think is the first time that’s been said and became one of Jim Ross’ trademark calls for him. Next week on Raw there is a battle royal where the winner gets a WWF Championship match the night after Summerslam. Both these men are scheduled to be in it and King calls Stone Cold the odds on favourite. You can really feel the company stepping up his presentation despite the fact that he doesn’t have a match at Summerslam. Austin grinds him down with a sleeper, hits a nice piledriver and talks a little trash getting right in Undertaker’s face. He’s stopped on the top rope and Undertaker brings him down the hard way with a chokeslam. He’s about to Tombstone Austin but the Deadman sees Mankind in the entrance and leaves the ring to go and face him. They trade blows and disappear backstage which I think hands Undertaker the victory by disqualification but I guess the referee didn’t see all those punches and instead Stone Cold wins via count out. Undertaker comes back to the ring and spikes him with a Tombstone! That’s a move that Austin wasn’t able to take for the bulk of his main event run due to the neck injuries in his future so to a long time fan like me it feels surreal seeing him get spiked on his head like that. 

• After the match Vince McMahon asks The Undertaker about Mankind who growls that it’s time for him to enter the serpent’s lair. At Summerslam in the Boiler Room Brawl, Mankind will Rest in Peace. Paint by numbers promo but the fans loved it so who am I to argue?

Monday Night Raw - August 5th 1996

• The opening match is a rematch between Jerry Lawler and Aldo Montoya. Aldo is defending the honour of Jake Roberts who King continues to mock and just to make his point, brings a bottle of booze to the ring and pretends to swig from it. Jim Ross is on commentary with Vince this week which is a nice change of pace. Lawler calls Roberts a sloppy drunk and says that his lies about being sober don’t fool him. It turns out that Lawler was right but he was an asshole about it. Lawler beats Montoya with not one but two piledrivers and then for good measure he pours a bottle of whiskey into Aldo’s mouth. Some trivia for you; Jerry Lawler doesn’t drink. Never has. That means that all of the nefarious things she’s said and done towards women were done stone cold sober. 

• The on-going saga of Clarence Mason trying to get his client reinstated to the WWF is resolved and he gets his job back but will be under very close scrutiny. We’ll see him in the ring next week, whoever he is. They clearly filmed this one segment between Mason and Gorilla and split it up into three chunks. I won’t ruin the surprise but you probably know who it is. 
• The New Rockers team of Marty Jannetty and Leif Cassidy take on The Bodydonnas. Hillbilly Jim comes down to join commentary and talk about the Tag Team division which has gotten good lately. Marty and Leif run up the ramp and attack Skip and Zip while they make their entrance which is very sneaky. Vince mentions an “extraordinary” match at Summerslam which will be a four team elimination match for the WWF Tag Team titles. That might be a WWF first - it’ll be these two teams plus The Godwins and The Smoking Gunns. Odds are stacked against the Champions in that match but it’s a good idea. Next week Faarooq Asad makes his in-ring debut against Skip. Faarooq is a decent promo and barks that he doesn’t care who it is or whether their 3 or 300lbs - he’s from a fighting background and will show he’s the king of the jungle. Both other teams in the four way at Summerslam are also shown watching and studying this match backstage. The match isn’t bad but ends abruptly when The Smoking Gunns run down to attack the Bodydonnas, followed by the Godwins and all four teams brawl with the babyfaces coming out on top with the Godwins and Bodydonnas celebrating in the ring.

• Earlier today Shawn Michaels was interviewed at home by newcomer Kevin Kelly! He was a mainstay as an interviewer and commentator for the next few years so much like Michael Cole’s voice over debut at Wrestlemania, this is vaguely important. Michaels is humble and says he’s never claimed to be unbeatable. Vader might have beat him before but it’ll be one on one and he’ll be in his element. Kevin says that he’s outweighed by 200lbs and this could be the end of the boyhood dream. Michaels laughs it off and says that he is afraid of getting hurt and of losing the title but he doesn’t let that control him or stop him. The WWF title means everything to him. He also asks if Shawn feels that his win over Bret Hart was tainted and mentions that Bret might be back soon. That’s sowing the seeds for a rematch between the two later on and Shawn says that he hopes Bret does come back. He’s happy to answer all his critics and give Bret a rematch any time. 

• Two more things have been quietly added to Summerslam - kind of. On the Free for All before the event Stone Cold Steve Austin will face two time WWF Champion Yokozuna (which is quite a big match!) and Sable, Sunny and Marlena will compete in a Bikini Beach Blast Off. 
• The main event battle royal features all the top stars who you’d expect could challenge the WWF Champion after Summerslam including Undertaker, Mankind, Stone Cold, Sycho Sid and plenty of others. Undertaker rushes to the ring and attacks Mankind, clotheslining him up and over the top rope and eliminating them both! They brawl up the ramp and disappear backstage allowing the match to continue without them. There are a couple of surprising names in this match including Goldust and Savio Vega but the biggest shock to me is Ahmed Johnson who we were told had a ruptured kidney. Vince says he’s competing despite doctor’s orders so my theory is that the injury is real and this match was taped before it happened. The match continues at a furious pace coming down to a final four of Goldust, Ahmed Johnson, Sid and Stone Cold. Mankind and The Undertaker brawl through the crowd, back to the ring and then back out of the ring and off throug the crowd! They are at war and have been brawling all over the building for a solid 15 minutes or so. It’s kind of a trip seeing Stone Cold battle Sycho Sid as I can’t think of many other times those two will have ever been in the ring together. Meanwhile backstage, Undertaker hits Mankind in the face with a wooden pallet. Sid drops both Goldust and Stone Cold with powerbombs but doesn’t eliminate either and the fighting continues. Cutting back and forth between the Mankind and Undertaker brawl in the rest of the arena and the action in the ring, this feels like a wild and chaotic show! There’s so much happening at once. I thought that Sid was the favourite in this match but after a distraction by Jim Cornette he’s eliminated by Stone Cold! Austin and Goldust form a little heel on heel partnership to beat down Ahmed but it doesn’t last. It comes down to Goldust and Ahmed and the finish is almost a big botch! Johnson charges Goldust and tackles him over the ropes but loses his balance and almost falls out of the ring himself! Goldust sees it happening and that Ahmed is about to fall but he’s the planned winner so Goldust has to just fall off the apron so Ahmed can win as scheduled. Vince interviews Ahmed who says that whether its Vader or his brother Shawn Michaels he won’t take it easy and wants to be WWF Champion. He’s interrupted by Faarooq Asad but the two don’t come to blows and are separated and held back by referees and officials to close the show on a high. 

Monday Night Raw - August 12th 1996

• The show opens with some harrowing footage and a somber voice over by Vince McMahon who explains that Ahmed Johnson has suffered “life threatening complications” from his kidney injury caused by Faarooq’s attack three weeks ago. He may need to have the kidney removed entirely if the bleeding doesn’t stop and I think that confirms my theory that the injury is real and the reason he still competed in last week’s battle royal is because it had been pre-taped.

• The opening match is Faarooq Asad’s in ring debut against Skip. Sunny is with Faarooq in a lovely white dress and Jerry Lawler says that she has promised a sneak peak at her outfit for the Bikini Beach Blast Off on the Summerslam pre-show. Faarooq hits the Dominator, which is a powerbomb into a face-first slam to the mat, to pick up the win. It looked brutal and the Dominator is one of those moves that everyone refused to take and so it was eventually banned. 

• Jake Roberts calls into the show; he now has a match with Jerry Lawler at Summerslam and as they talk trash the show cuts to commercial break. King does have one good line saying that doctor’s found traces of blood in Jake’s alcohol stream. 
• Who is this mystery jailbird who Clarence Mason has been trying to get rehired to the WWF for the past three weeks? It’s Crush! He looks VERY different. I never really chased it up at the time but Crush was arrested for possession of a handgun and conspiracy to distribute steroids on March 13th 1995 and was fired from the WWF on March 25th 1995. Clarence Mason joins commentary and tells us that Crush was never found guilty in a court of law and so it is perfectly fine for him to be back; he’s an innocent man. I mean, he’s not but whatever. Crush makes his in-ring return against Savio Vega who he slowly hammers with punches to the body and head for a long time until finally defeating him with a full nelson by submission. Vince McMahon harrasses Clarence about his affiliation with Camp Cornette which he calls a conflict of influence. I don’t think Vince knows what that means because I fail to see how him managing Crush is a conflict with his lawyer duties to Camp Cornette. Crush actually looks pretty great with his dreadlocks and beard. 

• Here’s a little recap of the furious brawl between The Undertaker and Mankind last week on Raw followed by an incredible commercial for their match at Summerslam set to haunting opera music. I don’t know what this song is called but I love it very much

• Sunny promotes the Bikini Beach Blast Off before Summerslam by getting naked behind a partition and wondering aloud what colour of bikini she should wear to compete against Sunny and Marlena. This is kind of seedy but the WWF had never used sex to sell before so it’s fresh at least. I can’t blame things in the 90s for acting like they’re in the 90s.

• Out at Ahmed Johnson’s house in Dallas Texas, Kevin Kelly chats to the Intercontinental Champion. He’s in a bathrobe and, in a nice touch, has the IC title belt, his “best newcomer” Slammy award and his Kuwait cup on the table behind him. He describes his pain and his injury and how close he came to passing away from a burst kidney. Johnson gets quite emotional talking about it and does acknowledge that he may never be able to wrestle again. 

• I haven’t mentioned it but periodically over the past few months, Bob Backlund has been shown still campaigning to be President of the United States in the crowd. He hasn’t wrestled on TV since the Royal Rumble but tonight I have to give him a mention because he joined commentary to watch The Godwins battle the team of TL Hopper and Who. Yes, the wrestler’s name was Who. Backlund says that he has big plans for the future but we’ll never know what those were because he didn’t wrestle in the WWF again. He does hint towards perhaps managing someone else who may take the WWF title away from the immoral Shawn Michaels. Backlund MUST be going for laughs as he screams at Vince McMahon that he preaches abstinence and that schools are telling children to avoid catching AIDS by wearing a “condominium” which is a type of house. He is insane. The Godwins win with a slop drop on Who.

• During the previous match Gorilla Monsoon called in to discuss the Intercontinental Championship which is now officially vacant due to Ahmed’s injury. He says that starting next week there will be a single elimination tournament to crown the new champion.
• Mr. Perfect narrates a video package following his interview with Bret Hart. Bret says that he’s loved his time off and getting to relax and spend time with his family. He says that the only reason he’d come back is for the fans. He does miss the fans and he does miss performing and if and when he does come back, he will come back to speak his mind and be brutally honest. He says that he’ll let us know his decision soon but if he does come back it’ll be with a shovel. (i.e. he’s going to bury people)

• In the main event, WWF Champion Shawn Michaels takes on Owen Hart in a non-title match. Owen obviously wants to soften up Michaels for his Camp Cornette team mate Vader. This is a slow match with them working long grapples on the mat. Vince spends most of it bickering with Jerry Lawler about whether Owen still needs that cast he’s wearing on his wrist; the bone is definitely healed up by now, he’s kept it so he can use it as a weapon which he has to great effect. Michaels builds up momentum and Vader runs down to stop him but HBK knocks him off the apron and then catches a charging Owen with Sweet Chin Music to pick up the hard fought win. Post match Vader bullies Jose Lothario and then grabs a steel chair threatening to attack Michaels. He grabs Owen Hart’s cast right off his wrist to use as a weapon himself but Cornette slides his tennis racket to Owen who uses it and gives Vader the opening to pummel Michaels with headbutts and body blows before giving him not one, not two but three Vader Bombs! Well, we see two of them but then as he climbs back up the ropes and teases a moonsault, Raw ends.